(Thurs Oct 7? 4:pm): Well, it's been a week and I still can't clear the center of my brain - I can't think straight, focus, plan, etc., well at all. I get so frustrated, wanting to force it away. After all the strain yesterday, I STILL managed to get out, go to the library, and then the store(s). But that didn't cure it. The only thing that ever cures it is a LOT of time and a LOT of stress-free peace and quiet - and I will never have that again until I'm all moved. I only had three beers last night - and that didn't cure it - it only added to making my day an existential hell. What a day this could be - how much I could get done - but I am so constrained by this. It's already 4:pm.
So, I figured I'd start writing in my LJ, and getting some notes collected. Thoughts have been popping up and my brain simply hasn't been retaining them.
Um - to begin - I wish I had remembered one phenomenon, during my post on pleasure vs control, which is where selfish, or elitist, people will take a "pleasure" and start considering it a "need". For example, instead of LIKING to win a game, they instead "NEED" to win. This dangerously elevates competition to something that no longer respects other people's feelings or lives. See how, these days, Randian competition has been elevated to such a "need" - an ideal - as exemplified by the firemen not putting out someone's home, because a FEE had not been paid. But the fundamental goal of local government is NOT to make money, but to serve the common welfare. (And what sense is there in a common citizen having to pay the same $75 fee as some giant corporation around the corner, for fire department service, when that corporation is, in so many ways, devouring away a huge proportion of the public commons - services, streets, air quality, etc.?) People NEED their homes - how can that be trumped by the "need" of some economic theory serving the selfishness of a chosen few, especially if city services have been PRIVATISED?! How sadly far-gone! Pushing us all to some great fall that will be the only thing that can teach these fools what NEED really means - and, again, we will all be paying the price for their sociopathic arrogance.
The state of "need"-driven competition today, involving all manner of devolutions of virtue, is precisely what Williams Jennings Bryant feared from the success of Darwinian theory. What we need now is a rewriting of evolution theory, emphasising cooperation, interconnection, and will.
Anyway, this elevation of a pleasure to a "need", it is a large topic, and so I'll cover it better in some later post. (Friday insert): It's almost impossible to get along in this country without acting like your wants are needs. If you say to someone, "Well, it would be pretty nice if I had that..." They call you a mealy-mouthed wimp. "If you WANT it, boy, then DEMAND it!" You don't get anything you want here unless through luck or assinity. Want-as-need is the codex of Empire. We deserve to HAVE, because WE ARE BEST! Our wants are more important - they are NEEDS! Our GREED is the rule of nature which BENEFITS everyone else. The world NEEDS us to take from it! If you complain, then you are a terrible-ist!
Another point: I can see where, in teen years, surrounded by angst and jism, sex can very much feel like a NEED. Is it? Maybe at that time. I don't know. But just because you want or need to cum, this does not mean you NEED to lie on top of someone and make them pregnant. So. But as soon as you introduce NEED into the WANT of sex, you are introducing CONTROL - and this is where the power-trip of rapists, serial-killers, pedophiles, politicians, pornaholics, and other such control-fixated sex addicts, begins it's genesis. The "NEED" for power can then supplant the truest need, for intimacy, as well as the WANT for sex. And this is called SOCIOPATHY. (See previous posts on pleasure/control, Igby Economics, fucktards). (End of insert).
I feel like signing off now - but I hope to mention the rising fear of an impending currency crisis - a pretty easy topic.
Just some personal stuff: Yesterday - Left here and caught the 6:15pm bus. So tired. Little girl in front of me, thinking, writing, thinking. I handed her a note, telling her to check out LJ, and sorry I am too tired to talk. This made her smile a lot to herself. Went to library. Found out that 3 people want to by a door-and-casing I advertised. After library, made large deposit in bank. Wanted to find little bags for the Tricksters - magically, a giant Halloween store popped out of nowhere, so I bought 60 bags for $3. Pretty happy about that. Then continued on to the supermarket. Bought giant Santa-Claus bag full of popcorn, pretzels, snacks, etc., and chocolate granola bars - for halloween. I also have another bag at home, filled with bags of Bugles - so I'm already prepared for Halloween - spent $50. Saw the bag of some worker at the store - some girl I didn't recognised - hot. The girl who looks like Vanessa Carlton was also there, and she seemed spry. I like her cute little voice. Everybody there thinks I'm rich now, cuz they saw me counting out $650 the last time I was there. Caught bus home. Guy at front of bus talking politics and economics to my fav bus driver. I was impressed. Right before he got off bus, I said, "Take this," and handed him a note - contained info on WCPT, and on my LJ. I hope he comes to my funeral.
Dudes. Here's a way to use gold to buy even more gold. Ya gotta buy gold ASAP - you don't want to wait until you save up enough money, cuz then it could cost 50% more. How do you buy NOW if you don't have money? Well, assuming that you already have SOME gold, say 1 oz. Just do this: Take you oz. down to the bank, and use it to take out a collateralised loan, (give a reason other than "buying more gold"). You now have money to buy more gold. The rate at which the gold will appreciate will far exceed the interest you pay on the loan.
OK - later - must rest or sleep...
(Thurs Oct 27? 6:30pm): Norman Goldman is describing how the Republicans rule by feelings. It's all about their feelings. Feeling safe from outsiders, minorities, gays. Feeling superior and entitled. Feeling angry over whatever - symbolic taxes, symbolic guns taken away, symbolic government control. Warm fuzzy feelings for corporations, "free enterprise", killing competitors, destroying the planet. And so on. They tell people what they feel, how to feel, why to be afraid, how awful that liberals kill babies, how offensive and immoral sexy people are - feelings feelings feelings - and meanwhile, THEY'RE PICKING YOUR FRICKIN POCKET. So true.
It's nice to see this angle, cuz psychology is so underrepresented in political analysis. And, you know me, I'm all about THE PSYCHOLOGY OF DECLINE. I think this is a nice first step into deeper analysis by Norman Goldman - maybe my posts even inspired him. Or, better yet, maybe not.
I decided to go all-decadent tonight. I'm just not recovering enough to get anything done, so I'm drinking 3 more beers and snacking on nuts and chips. My waist is super small, and for once in my life, I have curvy hips. My pants are too big now. My regular belt doesn't even have notches on it to cover my tiny waist. It's awesome. But, as a male, this means I would make LESS money in the workplace. But, as a female, I would make thousands more than other girls who are 25 pounds overweight. (Credit: Katie Couric). So, I can eat any damn thing and not worry, as a male. As a female, I dread that I will ruin my hourglass shape. With all the exertion and moving I have to do, I am becoming more male, so I can't be worrying about my hourglass shape. Therefore: git dreunkkk! enufffffff!
Ashley was a wee bit paunchy, btw. When you grab a girl's love handles and think you are sucking her taters, well, this can harm a relationship. And when you've got a cuter butt, well, what girl wants that in a bf? Not me!
(Fri Oct 8? 10:pm): Finally, the center of my brain is clearing up, and my back is losing its kinks. So, the beer was a waste - now I want to drink it because I'm healthier and can enjoy it, and don't have to worry about falling asleep with the television on, then spending all night having dreams where I sing along to infomercials about dweeby 70's love songs. But I really should keep it to 1 6-pack a week, since I am not spending money this month.
Lou Dobs is a MEXICAN?!
Back to economics: I need to dispel a common myth. The "Fed", (Federal Reserve Board), is basically independent of the government. It raises interest rates and prints money and buys and sells bonds, etc., any way it wants to. IT controls the economy, ever since 1913. Sure it has some board members put there by the gov't, and it often shares secrets and policy philosophy with the gov't, but what it really is IS A CABAL OF BANKSTERS working in their own self-interest. So, when I talk about Banksters, that's not just Chase or City Group - or Goldman-Sachs - it is also the big banks, and their CEOs, who belong to the Fed. It also refers to th gov't employees and Congressmen bought off by these banksters, its advocates in the President's cabinet, as well as complicit Wall Street investors. So, when the news says the Fed has the economy under control, they are not talking about the gov't being in control, and they are not saying that the economy is therefore, in any way, working in YOUR favour. And, when Wall Street is doing well, that does not mean that the real economy is doing well at all. I just thought a few of you might need to know that.
Another point... Another reason why inflation is a war against the poor and middle class: Why does the Fed/gov't see the need to implement inflation now? Well, they fear a deflation, and they want to quick-fix stimulate economic activity, albeit in an artificial, short-term and ultimately destructive way - as opposed to creating jobs, grassroots-up investment, infrastructure, more loans to small business, fees on foreign-production, some increased tarrifs, out-sourcing regulations, ending or rewriting NAFTA, RETURNING TO AN ERA WHERE THE RICH ARE ACTUALLY TAXED, etc. Inflation is fast, and takes care of the people at the top quite well.
But a major reason we have to do this is because of GWB's TARP bailout of the Banksters and the Fed. That took $trillions out of the economy, as did other policies and financial accidents, like our two pointles wars. When we bailed them out, while continuing the blood-sucking wars, we put the government into exhorbitant debt to China, (who will not adjust its currency to help us), etc., which we can't pay - unless we implement inflation, and in this way "reduce the debt" by reducing the PURCHASING POWER we pay back to China, etc., as discussed in the previous post.
"We" also "need" inflation because elites, banks and corporations simply are not letting go of their money or their credit, and so many people are out of jobs and out of their homes, and nothing is priming the pump for people to BUY things, and grow this monster economy again. Releasing more paper money is supposed to be the primer - but it's more like throwing gasoline onto a smouldering fire.
Banks and corporations have been, as I mentioned, holding onto over $3 trillion of available cash. I'll explain WHY they have been doing this in another post. One major reason is that they don't want to spend - for instance on HIRING - or to invest - or to loan out - because they fear the economy will not be improving enough to make this worth their while. And much of this money came from TARP, which allowed them to pay off each other's loans, pay off dividends, etc. - everything EXCEPT make credit more available to the common man.
But when they are deliberately primed by the Fed/gov't paper-money-printing, "quantitative easing", greasing up their gears, then look out! All that ADDITIONAL $3 trillion cash can be dumped into the economy, and that means HYPERINFLATION. And hyper/inflation means A RAPIDLY FALLING DOLLAR, (and rapidly rising gold). And so: The world looks on at us in great trepidation, anticipating a global currency crisis, resulting from this rapidly falling dollar. Falling too fast for even increased trade, (and so hiring/production), to cure the economy adequately.
So, when TARP was passed, it was an act of war against the middle class, in favour of the banksters - not just because it could swallow up our taxes, but because it would invite inflation down the road - shifting the tax to us in that manner. In previous posts, I have described how inflation is a tax or war on the poor and middle class - in many ways. I just want to add a note that it is also so in this way: Banks and corporations are allowed to hold on to their cash, solving all their debts., making their plans, paying their CEOs higher bonuses, trading in bundled securities, feeding off of fees on our bank and credit and loan accounts - meanwhile, nothing is being done to improve our lot - and the Republicans in the Senate are seeing to that. We are offered bones, as if our houses are expected to burn down because we are irresponsibly poor, and jobs bills are being blocked because "the gov't is too far in debt!" But when those banks and corporations see that it is to their advantage, and RELEASE all that cash, we - all the poorer - pay the higher prices, pay the higher taxes, the higher fees - we fight harder to find homes, we take crap jobs just to survive, we watch wages race to the bottom, we spend A FAR LARGER PORTION OF OUR INCOME on cleaning up after these bastards.
Now, what is rocking the house-boat, is the anticipated currency crisis, mentioned above. As the dollar falls, other currencies around the world try to keep par - in order to maintain their trade arrangement or advantages or balances. Since the real global economy is not doing well enough so that countries can adjust trade itself much, they resort to adjusting their currencies. So, they all want to devalue their currencies, too. It is a race to the bottom, and so a global inflation of prices is the result. This inflation stifles trade and production, leads to depression, and, sure enough, leads to socio-political instabilities and war.
Who benefits the most from this? China. But still, it's not good for anyone. I'll get into China/trade/currency in a later post. We've seen how the 2008 US crash reverberated all around the world, so if there is a quick fall in the dollar, you can pretty much be sure there will be a global currency crisis. And, fundamentally, that's to be expected. Because the huge, mega-trillion juggernaut of hyperspace investments like credit default swaps and bundled mortgages have, and will be, seen as utter nonsense. And, this being so, value must ultimately evapourate from paper currencies, and the price of REALITY must rise - the price of a reality we have been ignoring, globally, ever since Ronald Reagan stepped into office.
Irrational Overexuberance - Burning Down the House. That's what I'm talkin about.
And, no surprise, what has been - entropically - creeping into the cracks of this 30-year cloak of denial? Oh - floods, earthquakes, hurricanes, freezes, droughts, methane, BP, global warming... Reality has been asserting itself all the stronger, while we weren't looking. That is THE WAY OF NATURE. And we have been carrying on like lobotamised ants, not knowing a damn thing about what we have been doing.
And now, on to the only fun part of this post: Some interesting observations:
Would you like to learn how to speak in tongues? It's easy. All you have to do is recite a bunch of people's names. Because names don't really mean anything - they are just sounds. Yes, they may have had meanings or etiologies once, but they really are basically just sounds. They are music, to which we impart meanings, as we like. Well, maybe not entirely true - but it's an interesting concept, yo, so don't be dissin me, dawg.
Continuing with this stretch of imgination: Names are also like jargon DNA - random, chaotic DNA that goes on and on. I LOVE jargon DNA. It is such fodder for the imagination. For example, maybe it's the DNA of a lost civilisation. Maybe it belongs to aliens. Maybe it's all the evolution which decided NOT to happen. Maybe it's every thought your ancestors ever had! Maybe, if you tapped it, you could turn into Meagan Fox. Whom I'm dating, btw.
Another thought: Before Christianity, the world was filled with symbols like the Celtic cross or the swastika sun-wheel or the serpent/staff, which easilly popped in and out of various peoples and various religions or mythologies. Everyone borrowed and used all these symbols. But then Christianity came along, (and this somewhat applies to other modern religions), and suddenly there were only a few symbols allowed, (plus a bunch of saints and relics). Now, to crazy people, anything which is not a CROSS is some kind of SATANIC SYMBOL practiced by NEW WORLD ORDER SATANISTS - who are PLANNING TO DESTROY US! Well, remember when you asked me what the meaning of "IRONY" is? It's just weird, all those natural symbols of yore out there, now they all belong to some OVERWHELMING CONSPIRACY. How sad. And, please stop doodling. You'll go to hell. Which is a cave in southern France, filled with ochre-wielding Neanderthals, who like to bury their dead with little flowers!
Remember that thing I mentioned in a previous post, where the pig-head busybodies like to poke their snouts into your undershirt and declare, "Because we are better than you, we know how to run your life better than you do - so we are going to HELP you - by HURTING people..." Well, the fact that some right-wingers see elites as being this way means that they are admitting that it is not merely VIRTUE or BETTER CHARACTER - or even BEING CHOSEN BY GOD - which elevates people into riches or into the elite. That's totally anti-Reagan. (I had a corollary thought to go with this, but I forgot it). Well, right-wingers who are willing to admit to such open-mindedness - they have a chance of dialogue with me. Success is not inherent. Heaven is not assured. GOD DOES NOT NECESSARILLY SPEAK TO YOU, TELLING YOU TO KILL DOCTORS OR PROTEST AT FUNERALS OR TO HATE BLACKS OR GAYS. There is a chance for you heathens yet, yoeth, I say unto you.
Latest research: Colony Collapse Disorder. Bees dying cuz of fungus PLUS deadly rare virus. Well, yes - but no - this understates the importance of immune syteem collapse, which allows IN the fungus and the virus in the first place. And immune system collapse is probably either caused by nicotinergic pesticides and/or the BT gene, used in genetically-mutated corn, etc. Having CFS, I have seen how fungus becomes pathogenic in immune system disorders, and then can unlock irksome or deadly viri - like the retrovirus which causes cancer in mice. But that's all AFTER the problem of immune failure or dysfunction. The corporate media tends not to mention the immunity problem, cuz they like AGRI advertisers like Monsanto and Dupont. However, NPR did mention the immune problem. This fungal problem - it is growing up everywhere on the planet now, with failing immune systems and environmental and climate disruptions - and therefore unlocking new and harmful viri everywhere - in its mission to once again dominate the planet. And on that happy note, I end this post. Happy Early Halloween!
(Friday Oct 7 4:pm): What the hell happened?! First of all, I plummitted into a deep mini-relapse. So, I decided there was no way I could walk around looking at apartments on the edge of town. Instead, I would just go to the downtown library and use the computers. I feed dog. I walk out my door and a tall, skinny black girl walks by and I check her out, and pretty soon she's yelling ut loud, to no one - I don't know what, maybe, "That shoooo ith one FINE black-ath bitch!" or something like that - she was about twice as old as I thought - weird that she should have such a hot bodeh. Along the way, little neighbour boys ran through me; and right after that, a red car drove by with people laughing out loud, apparently at me - related to SC / Crazy Gay Guy?! I walked to the produce store to buy Halloween chocolate for the little bastards, and passed the girl who looks like - and MIGHT BE - Kris, from the Cafe Saga, of long ago. I haven't seen that girl there in years. Inside the produce store, my brain is eating me, like I am produce. Leaving, I see that Crazy Gay Guy was prolly in there too. Everything is converging like madness.
People on the street are weird. It's actually WARM outside. Inside the library, for some reason, ALL THE COMPUTERS ARE DOWN - and they are all down, for ALL branches across town. They must be installing The Ferret. So I interrupt Zoey and Mr. Anderson and ask WTF? Helped a giant disabled guy get into handicapped elevator - exhausting me. Leaving, I walk to the pub - some guy is staring at me from a rich black car, in black shades - I walk straight at him and he is still staring. What is going on?! The traffic downtown is all backed up. Some guy in a kilt and a black cowboy hat, holding a camera, walks into "Chocolates By Daniel". At the pub, the girl who fills my little brown jug with Scottish Ale is weird. And when I finally get home, there's a message on my machine that my aunt wants to see me tomorrow. I'll ask her to take me to a few apts. My brain is all twisted up and I shouldn't be drinking this - but, I mean, what the hell just happened? Why is this town so fucking weird?!
Now what do I do? I wonder. You know what it is? I don't think there's a full moon. I think it's the unexpected warmth, added to the weird autumn sunshine. But I think there's more. I think the large storm front several days off the the west is going to hit this place hard when it finally gets here. I figure it is something natural like this, because my dog has been odd today too.
(Sat Oct *? 9:am): My third attempt at drinking beer without becoming a Werewolf has finally succeeded. Feel nearly normal, considering the time of day - but three days of beer in a row is very bad - it can bring back the serious long-term complications. I actually ate a hotdog and some Halloween chocolate last night, too - so I hate myself, and now I may have heart pain. But it had to be done.
I dream that I was in a movie with Dick Van Dyke and the Family Guy family, but mainly Brian. DVD was getting a brain transplant from a Hispanic housmaid named Mona. All this was pretty odd. It turned more Family Guy - and we were deciding to get a dog - a beagle. Some neighbour man kept coming by and asking if we could give him a Cocker Spaniel yet. Nope. You can't suck my Cocker Spaniel. And there were drugs in the basement. Two girls who were co-workers started stealing them, so I hid them. Outside, I hung out with some peeps - including Dennis Kucinich's daughter, who was stoned. But later, I told Brian I thought she was hot. I asked him how far I should go to find her. He said, if it were him, he would go as far as China - but that was his limit.
Do you know of good cheap internet service providers, either dial-up or broadband? Here are a few I need to check out...
As the unlucky reincarnation of John Lennon, I'd like to wish myself a happy 70th birthday. Come help me celebrate in my never-ending sleep-in.
The Ferret is also a jackass - http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/10/fbi-tracking-device/
Chicago – mortgage company breaks into wrong house to change locks
Chicago – pull-eese break into wrong house to make drug bust
Chicago – mom leaves kid in car, “we understand this is now a private matter between the woman and the pull-eese”
Chicago – pull-eese man Brian Dorian decides to go on shooting spree ending in Lowell Indiana
"Lowell Indiana" – NEW MOVIE out later in October - serious
http://www.normangoldman.com - call-in number 888/321-6001
http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/ - donated by LJ friend literary repose
http://www.rdw.com - "When Capitalism Hits the Fan" - RICHARD WOLF on inflation
http://www.votevirge.com for MI governor - progressive candidate
http://www.andrewromanof.com - failed progressive candidate who sold his home to run