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* - galaxy


Posted on 2010.08.03 at 17:54
(tues Aug 3 noon): Hopefully, I am posting this today. I spent a lot of time on it. And, hopefully, I am out doing things, like getting glasses fixed, checking LOST-AND-FOUNDS for things I've lost, and searching for important things online - which I seem not to remember right now. I'm still not in great shape. I still have the dizziness problem, and I am still recovering from the friday headache. Last night, I woke up at 3:30am, and the dog wanted out, so I did that and went back to bed. But I went into an insane sneezing/allergy fit. So, I still have this head-cold which has lasted as long as the dizziness. (That's important info). I don't know what triggers it to erupt - ? - recovering from - headache? - insomnia? - my flour? - being outside while lawns were mowed? - dog dander? All I know is that things haven't settled. Usually, in early summer, I get run-over by three things: sunlight, poison ivy, and exertion. These play a terrible number on my brain, often leaving me seriously ill for weeks. But, this time, I don't know what it is, or what is triggering it. My CT monitor? Dust mites? I really feel that several spaced-out days of sun-tanning will help - but not having a car, and with the dog waiting at home, makes this difficult. I can't even take a hot bath. So. I thought I'd include all this, since this is my special post about CFS. Note, however, it has several OTHER interesting topics.

My dog responded to the monthly test of the tornado sirens today, by howling. I was too ill to get up and participate, let him out, etc. But when it was over, this time I complimented him on his yowling, so he continued doing it for me after the sirens had stopped. Other news: Police cars acting odd in neighbourhood. Stopping facing my house, turning off lights, sitting there. Not sure if this has to do with nearby vacant building getting ready to be demolished; or a perceived prob in hood; or cops buying drugs; or them spying on ME. Because everything else seems fine. Things are quiet this year. Also, I want to make a bunch of mustard potato salad and gluten-free macaroni salad - but I want some kind of "mayonaise" that is very healthy - like no eggs, no bad oil, and hopefull even no vinegar. Anybody know of anything I could buy?

INTRO / CFS: (monday AUG 2 insert): Let's see, it was friday - I was hit with a severe CFS headache which lasted 3 days. Completely disabling. It started in the front, went back, faked to the left, finished at the top. I think it was one of my "healing headaches" - a burn-off of whatever is infecting my brain, until next time. But it never really addressed the deep dizziness from the back of my head. (I wonder if that dizziness has anything to do with my CTE computer monitor, which I started using again). In order to push that back, over MONTHS, I have to try to make sure I keep the OTHER CFS symptoms to a minimum, if I can. I did manage to finally make my seafood chowder - it also took 3 days. It's very good, and VERY thick - but not exactly what I wanted. And I need to buy an extra freezer or I can't store it. I'm hoping to have a good day today. The clean-up crew came by, which was fine, and they played with my dog. But now it's already nearly 2:pm.

(CFS cont'd): THIS POST is intended to be an introduction to the cycles and power of health, from the perspective of CFS. (It also includes two semi-tangents on WHY AM I SO SMART, and on THE MASONS AND SOCIAL MEMORY). But it can also be my main post about the subject of CFS. So, here is a little bit about WHAT IS CFS? CFS, or CFIDS, (which may broadly include closely related illness such as MCS or EI, GWS, FM or FMS or Fibro, PPFS, and others - and is very similar to MS, Chiari's, JRA, Lupus, Lyme, Alzheimers and Autism), is CHRONIC FATIGUE & IMMUNE DYSFUNCTION SYNDROME. It is not contageous, but can arise in clusters. It is highly reactive to the environment. It tends to hit people who have had serious emotional trauma, &/or who have been exposed to environmental toxins, &/or who have sustained damage to the head in the past, &/or who have had a serious viral infection such as Epstein-Barr or CMV, &/or who have consumed a lot of alcohol in the past. Most of these apply to me. The main trigger for me was PESTICIDE POISONING.

(CFS cont'd): CFS includes a huge UP-regulation of the immune system - the opposite of AIDS. Immune system chemicals flood the brain and produce severe problems, including bizarre migraines, in addition to any addition neuron-gating disruptions, infecting agents, yeast toxins, and circulatory problems, there. All systems and cycles are thrown out of whack. Memory, cognition, concentration, sleep, attention, will, mood, identity, are all seriously compromised, in waves of various intensity. Heart and circulation are also compromised. The digestive system, immune system, brain, emotional stability, are highly reactive to foods, toxins, pathogens, stresses, noises, light, etc., in the environment. Sugars, cholesterol, wheat, Nutrasweet, etc., can all have devastating consequences. Despite the UP-regulation, there is a drop in SOME immune system agents, such as Natural Killer cells. The body is in an almost constant flu-like state, dealing with reactivated viruses, yeast, etc. Exertion, stress, attention, sex, foods - these all tend to inspire relapses within 2 days of their introduction. Consequently, the subject is always SEVERELY tired, insomnial, nervous, and tends not to find any refreshment after sleep. CFS tends to reach a hellish peak roughly 2-3 years after it begins, and then tapers off VERY slowly. Whether or not it ever completely disappears is debatable. Some people, like myself, experience severe CFS permanently, although the symptoms can change somewhat, partly due to emerging complications. For more about CFS, please see:


(CFS cont'd): CFS is an illness which disrupts life cycles and frequencies, from brain waves and circadian rhythm all the way down to cell and molecular frequencies. It is a dysfunction of the cell-regeneration process, affecting our old friends ATP, protein kinase, and oxygen, as well as many other minerals and so forth. Since normal cells are constantly regenerating, with all organs of the body, CFS is perpetual. However, any oxygenating activity which necessitates accelerated cell regeneration or growth - such as stress, attention, learning, physical exertion, illness, injury, thought, or digestion - will tend to trigger or intensify relapses or crashes. Consequentially, oxygen fails to reach critical areas and organs in the body, whereupon pathogens, such as yeast, fungi, viruses and mycoplasma or Chlamydia, proliferate in these areas. Fundamentally, and as a consequence of this, a chronic state of immune system hyper-activation, including some deficiencies, occurs. Pathogens, toxins from pathogens, lack of oxygen, and an large overabundance of some cytokines and immunoglobulins reek havoc on the brain, producing intense fatigue in addition to that already present, brain fog, inability to concentrate or consolidate, memory-encoding and retrieval problems, migraines, photophobia, and other intense headaches of an unusual type.

(CFS cont'd): Like chronic pain, the intense pain of CFS is very real, but essentially untreatable. After the deep agonising pain of relapses, which essentially occludes or includes all other symptoms, only then are fatigue, brain strain, yawning, and memory loss, etc., more identifiable. During relapses, processes such as peristalsis, appropriate breathing, dialysis, thought, are relatively inactive. Relapse recovery involves a restarting of these processes or organs, but in rhythmic coordination. Otherwise, "recovery" is delayed. Disruption of this phase, even though the patient may appear normal to others, can be harmful.


(CFS cont'd): Even on the best of days, people with CFS must be careful not to push beyond their "energy envelope", lest they incur another relapse. Absolute rest, and sleep, are necessary. Otherwise re-coordinations, or healing, does not occur. This requires a Zen-like reduction of stress, in the desire to get-up-and-go, in wanting to get things done, in worrying, etc., while CFS itself tends to increase stress levels. To not receive appropriate relaxation, rest and sleep, is to prevent oxygen from returning to deprived areas in the brain and body, and so failing to fight off opportunistic infections which continue to intensify symptoms. One area of the brain which requires special attention is the left temporal lobe, which tends to be chronically attacked by HHV-6, and which is crucial to a healthy immune system. Another area is the reticular system, which not only controls sleep/wake cycles, but circadian rhythms, stress-response, "gating" (J.Goldstein), as well as the ascending serotonergic neurons which play a central modulating role in the cortex, including modulation of depressive episodes. Finally, if blood and oxygen and cell regeneration is not allowed to sufficiently re-saturate the very central areas of the brain, mainly the hypothalamus and pineal, not only do thought, self-identity and personality suffer, but so do the hormonal regulations of the body, including the adrenals and the thyroid, the latter of which is critical to temperature and energy levels, and so of fighting back opportunistic pathogens. Expecting Synthroid T3-T4 to fight this is like expecting a mouse to stop a racing train. Anti-depressants are counterproductive and superficial. Anti-histamines address only one aspect of the symptom-configuration, and in fact encourage a proliferation of some pathogens in the longer-term. It is the same with anti-virals or anti-fungals. Caffeine locks out re-saturation by favouring competing areas of the brain or body, and leads to increased disynchrony. It is not possible for a patient to will, to expect, to force, or to demand that relapse-recovery occurs - it is only through a complete relaxation, a forgetting of all possible stresses or demands, and an opportunity for choice and creativity, that it may be possible to refresh the very critical areas of the brain mentioned above. And this takes time.

(CFS cont'd): The social consequences of CFS are usually extreme. This is because victims only show themselves WHEN THEY LOOK FINE - when they are feeling somewhat well, yet LOOK completely normal. Any angst, anxiety, depression, or anger from them is attributed to them having "a bad character". People tend not to be able to identify themselves as inflicting pain on victims, because the intense hyper-sensitivity of victims is completely incomprehensible to people who do not have the illness. Add to this the fact that the illness is merely called "FATIGUE", and you get a lot of people simply DETESTING people w/ CFS, thinking they are merely lazy, whining, weak, disgusting losers. They see them as having chosen a lifetime in bed merely to live off of Social Security, get attention, or because they can't make up their minds about what to be when they grown up. "Low expectations - what a waste!" If they believe them to be ill AT ALL, they see them as elitist "Yuppies" who merely have the "Flu". If they see them acting healthy, they are angry that they are not pitching in or looking for employment, not realising such effort will only augment relapses.  If they DON'T see them, they think they are HIDING from something, or are AFRAID.  Not everyone is this ignorant, but many, many are. People w/ CFS forever have to walk through traps in society where insinuation, and then blame, or violence, can tend to rush at them. "Don't listen to him. He's so sensitive, anything he says must be CRAZY-PARANOID!" (More in my IDIOTS post).

(CFS cont'd): People w/ CFS do not benefit from many measures enacted by the Americans With Disabilities Act. For example, they spend days hidden away from society, but when they are able to catch a bus, they have to deal with a multitude of stressors, including inconsiderate bus-drivers. Ramps and wheelchairs help mechanically disabled people. But nothing helps the invisibly disabled - with mental and emotional exhaustion on good days, or with the inability to think, remember, plan, awaken, gather thoughts, self-motivate, get out of bed, etc., on bad days. People with CFS have one of the highest rates of suicides of any chronic illness. There are no cures or adequate treatments. Anti-depressants are often prescribed, which generally are a huge mistake.

(CFS cont'd): CFS is a disruption of the rhythms and cycles of the body, especially those in the nervous system and brain, producing extreme fatigue or sleepiness. In society, many people have discounted the effect mere sleepiness has upon accidents and upon the economy, but it is extensive. People with CFS are SEVERELY tired, and so vastly dysfunctional, in not-so-visible ways. Similarly, it is not recognised how important simple memory is to the smooth functioning of society. But imagine what happens if you lose your keys all day, once or twice a week - life gets difficult just from that. Because of the excruciating dysynchrony within people with CFS, poor memory is pervasive, with a serious handicap in the ability to take in, encode, and store, and so retrieve, information. Even on seemingly good days, forgetting is a major problem. For example, people with CFS lose track of things, and fail to keep things tidy. Sometimes, because of difficulties in organising and planning, as well as in mobilising energy, an entire day is required just to get to go out somewhere THE NEXT DAY. I wished to go out today, but lost my glasses for a few hours, (the second time this week), then found them and went about looking for something else, which I never found, only to lose my glasses AGAIN! So much time is lost to forgetting and to disorganisation, it can be overwhelming.

LJ APOLOGY: I should mention that I can't be on LJ a lot, because my home comps are down. Until I recover one of them, I must go to a library to post or make comments. I can't go to a library frequently, as I have CFS. Etc. Often, at the library, I am in a hurry to catch a bus so that I can get shopping done, and get back home so I can let my dog out. Sometime a quick trip can take several hours. And I have given up planning when I leave for the library so I can synchronise that with a bus - I simply leave my house as soon as I am able to. So, I will be commenting more once a computer is fixed, and there isn't so much of this.

Another thing is that I haven't perfected my friends groups/screens, and currently you are getting all my posts, in the general LJ "friends" setting, (or "public"). Sorry about that. When I have time, I'll find out more about interests, and set up a better system, so you won't be stuck reading posts you don't want to read. So, if you're thinking of dropping me at the moment, please realise that the future will be brighter.

Also, a problem I can have is that whereas I may be good at generating creative posts, my CFS often gives me a problem with reading. Creativity is one of the only ways to try to break out of CFS relapses. Even so, the ability to internalise info, capture the gist of a comment, or even hold letters and words well, lags. This is caused by serious ADD, fatigue and/or headaches. This can be a reason why I comment less than you might think I should, although I try when I have the time. (And, when my computers get hacked, but are still bare-bones useable, my ability to post or comment becomes seriously curtailed).

The exertion of going to the library, shopping, catching busses - this usually brings on CFS relapses, and shuts me down for days. In addition, so does any stress, alcohol, bad food, toxins, viruses, etc. Sometimes it's a crap-shoot, sometimes it's certain, sometimes I get by without much problem.

INTERLUDE: I have turned off the air conditioner. I miss it. There's nothing like sleeping under a blanket with white noise protecting you from monsters, feeling all fresh and light, dreaming of delightful fruit being tossed up from the gulf. It reminds me of college, living in a dorm, everything was new, anything was possible, and you could lie in your air-conditioned room all day, no real worries, while your roomate with the big stereo comes in and pumps you full of his hot rock-n-roll jism.

I love doing that. Just checking if you're paying attention.

CFS AND ALCOHOL: Alcohol was one of the things that turned my CFS into a life-threatening collection of dire complications last year. Sadness, caffeine, possibly too much copper, too much carbs, too much stomach acidity, too much exertion, etc., were also factors. Nothing was in excess, just too much for my CFS. So, I nearly died. And when I finally started feeling better this year, I tried a little alcohol to see if I was in the clear. I tried a little meat, a little staying-up-late, a little wheat, more caffeine, etc. Seemed OK. Then things went black, the room spun around, and I was something like post-stroke for the next two weeks. The ominous dizziness still lurks in my brain, ever since (and before) June 30. So, the last thing I should be doing now is drinking beer, right? Right.

NEAR DEATH: I guess. I had a six-pack of harmless Bud Light last night, even though my head was plagued by a big, arduous clog and a continuation of the dizziness. If I have a brain tumour, then I am only digging my grave faster by drinking beer. Instead, for some reason, I have taken a defiant tact, and have gone ahead and had a six-pack now and then, despite the fact that this would likely end with me being taken away in an ambulance; me and my family finding out I would die in a month; my dog going crazy at home; people coming into my house for the dog, & to clean; people delighting in my untimely death-prior-to-success; some people mourning me and my years of ridiculous suffering... and all my messy things - all my aspiring notes - would end up in a landfill. My dog would bite his new owner and be put to death. The house would be knocked down the local gentrifying developer. Someone would hack my LJ and take it down. And all that would remain of me would my DNA in some dust mites - who would drink the toxic sludge in the bathroom and eventually rule the Earth.

CFS BRAIN WARS: But some kind of change had occurred in my brain perhaps a week ago, following improvements earlier in the month. Although the dizziness still lived in the back of my brain, there was a battle going on further at the front, and at the top, as if the higher brain was fighting to reclaim proper blood pressure and control. And whatever fungi and viruses where dug-in there, these were being methodically expunged. So, what I done was, I done poured alcohol onto that fire. I don't know if this helped, but the CFS madness did not revert to the back of the brain, the Cerebellum, Reticular, etc., as usual, but remained in the battle at the front and the top, (ascending serotonergics, etc). The whole military strategy has been to retake my Pineal, my Hypothalmus, my Pituitary - all the CENTRAL areas that make me ME. (And this was attempted by way of arresting control of the Temporal Lobes from the Dark Forces). Was the alcohol assisting in this opening up of these central territories? Maybe.

NOTE: Alcohol is small amounts is good because, I think, it encourages nutrients to enter through cell walls and the blood-brain barrier. Not to mention anti-oxidants, like resveratrol in wine. In too much quantity, I think, alcohol lowers the voltage of the body, works against aerobic metabolism, (making organs inefficient), and encourages the growth of pathogens and tumours. Nevertheless, it is possible that too much alcohol can sometimes work ironically, choking off select BAD areas or pathogens in the body. It is generally toxic to people w/ CFS, as they already have a low anaerobic threshold - (which lead me once to wonder if CFS is an allergy or immune response to lactic acid.

CFS PROGRESS: In any event, the whole combo made me wake up and become insomnial last night. Now, my dog - he likes to run into the room whenever I sneeze. It's a big event for him. Is this just because I used to call attention to whenever HE sneezed? Or does he know something that I don't know? Does he know that my serious dizziness might have something to do with whatever is also involved in SNEEZING? I think this is possible. I have been pondering that a mere COLD VIRUS has been intractably lodged in my brain for months, (or years), and this, plus fungi or microplasmi - all present due to the CFS IMMUNE DYSFUNCTION - was causing the severe dizziness. This is the best scenario. (All that such dizziness can be due to is a lack of sufficient oxygen, just like a stroke, or tumour, or aneurism, etc.). So, I had to sit up last night, and I started sneezing, about a dozen times in a row, as if I had a bad head cold. (And it wasn't the A.C., essentially). My dog looked on with keen interest. After that, the better part of my brain felt significantly better - more blood pressure in the right places.

O2 / CANCER IS A FUNGUS: Thus there has been an important victory. Important territories have been regained. And is this all because I have finally rid my head of a simple COLD VIRUS? And/or have I pushed back, or even conquered, some more sinister infection - the CFS-CAUSATIVE infection, BENEATH the cold virus? Have I merely pushed back SOME infections, let in and encouraged by my CFS? Was it H1N1? Was it all lack-of-oxygen + rampaging cytokines? Will I collapse with something like a stroke the NEXT time I get a cold virus deep in my head? And thus be never really cured of CFS? Did I - do I - still have a brain tumour? Some say that "cancer is a fungus", which breeds where oxygen is low. People w/ CFS are universally susceptible to fungal infections - yeast, etc.

ENERGY LEVEL: At least for now, I know I have increased oxygen in my brain, (including through the increase of BP which comes from drinking), enough to fight whatever it is I am fighting. Through all the efforts I took, supplements I took, and risks I took, I seem to have raised the energy-level, "THE VOLTAGE", of my brain, and possibly, my metabolism. Sleep will come easier, other things will improve, and I have little desire for more beer. But, if I have beer, it shouldn't hurt so much.


literaryrepose at 2010-08-04 02:26 (UTC) (Lien)
Thank you for posting this! I thought you forgot you said you were going to do a post on CFS. It was really enlightening.

I'm curious about the "why am I so smart?" part. What did you take in college? Why do you think radio is better than TV or internet?
where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2010-08-05 20:54 (UTC) (Lien)
hi! - yeps, i didn't forget - but this started out - i don't really know - i was using cfs to lead into stuff about VOLTAGES and also the thyroid - but i expanded the cfs part for you - i'm glad you suggested it, cuz now i can link peeps w/ cfs to it - although it really is pretty heady - it's got to be the most organised post i've done - or something - formal? - dunno - prolly the longest

well - i just had an idea to sort of explain why i'm posting so many intense posts lately, and part of the reason is that i'm smart - so i threw that into THIS post because i wanted to also talk about how CFS, even though it crushes the mind and spirit, wiping out memory over and over, it can also help people to learn, etc.

well - i majored in poli sci, int'l studies, and psychology - but i also had some stuff in education and english at first - i didn't want to take any more boring english or writing classes - i wanted to take classes that would teach me about people, but also be a back-up career to my dream of ebing a writer

well - i dunno if radio is better - it certainly is easier on the eyes. for me, when too ill, it is easier to lie in bed and focus on radio than it is to be online or watch tv

but i've always eben attracted to radio because it allows you more imagination, and it's also fun to pull faint signals out of complete chaos - so it has helped form my personality in that way

thanks for appreciating this post - i'm sorry they are so long lately

so long

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