1 - Hunt down Dimitrius The Hedgehog.
2 - Smash a mayonaise-filled pumpkin.
3 - Become more grasshopper-like.
4 - Find out who's living under this couch.
5 - Punch Tom Cruise in the face.
6 - Become Christian Scientist.
7 - Invent God - also: additive-free Pringles.
8 - Show more respect to alien invaders.
9 - Wear shorter skirts.
10- Achieve fame by being mentioned in Nick DiGilio's "Drunks: In The News!"
11- Tattoo a Spice Girl on my arm and get into clubs for free.
12- Get the damn Communists out of my computer, cook them up with chives, and send them to
13- Rethink my role in "Avatar II: The Hal Sparks Story".
14- Weave a basket larger than my house and float away to Peoria.
15- Donate past girlfriends to mental-health research.
16- Fix the spigot in my middle ear.
17- Appear in public.
18- Smear meat all over Robyn Williams and Don Rickles and watch them eat each other.
19- Demand airtime from Conan O'Brien the next time we have sex.
20- Stop cracking my knuckles in the confessional.
21- Stop swinging on telephone lines to irritate my neighbours.
22- Invite the voices to breakfast.
23- Don't send out any more Christmas Cards with pictures of Tiger Woods on them.
24- Don't worry about all of the above just get my damned car fixed.
Wear lots of red underwear! It's supposedly GOOD LUCK for the New Year. (I always thought you were supposed to wear raw eggs on your head).