nah - just joking about that. i'll never do that again. but let's talk about reality. i find it an outrage that no better cartoon character was ever developed for squirrels than the goofy, dorky, Rocky the Squirrel. i'm serious.
anyway - a lot of people ask me, "why don't you do me on the sidewalk?" and i simply say, "first of all, i am not a citizen, and i don't feel i have the right to procreate."
"second of all i am a giant ant."
that's right. i woke up feeling antsy and i had big long ant legs and i find it impossible to use a spoon. being an ant, i long for the company of other ants. i also long to milk an aphid, but where is there a giant aphid around here? i noticed that the people down the street turned into giant ants so maybe i'll go introduce myself. all i know is i am VERY hungry. and i will eat ANYTHING.
(concudes with dramatic ant music).