I have never been through that, so don't take anything I say too seriously. Although - do take this seriously: I really feel bad about what has happened - and is happening....
...The family is mainly where it is all connected to, so deeply - and EVERYONE succumbs to it. You aren't so abnormal in that way. I sure know that my family was responsible for pushing my buttons - mostly through their ignorance. The withholding of love, the trading of love for control, the passive aggression, the jealousy for attention - these are all real forces that are fucking with our rights as human beings to be loved, to love ourselves, and to be confident and proud. They are sins. Those who commit them are constantly in denial. If we don't watch out, they will either eat us alive, or turn us into THEM. Well... I can't say more.
I can't advise you on something so deep. The point is to focus on your friends and your future, concentrating on what you find enjoyable. And, I guess, to build structures that prevent the negatives from taking control.