Absolutely Hilarious! (Stolen from sunkissed0736)
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord.
Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
-Frequently wears black clothing. Uh, Lachlan that's you!
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. Rory that's you .... and me.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish. Elise that's you and me.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols. Tracey!!
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. Elise!!
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) I love Marylin Manson!! Oops ...
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. Well we were told that we're eccentric ... We thought it was a ggod thing ... So that's Sian, Kitty, Kara, Tina, Leigh, Sam, Justyn and Lachlan.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. I don't think of the Bible as an activity ... prayer is ok ... church I can live with ... sport I don't like ... So I think that's another point to me.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed. Another point to me .... and some others ....
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom. Doesn't every teenager?
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. Again, it is a normal thing!
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. Spaeaking as a normal person I don't see why this is on the list.
-Spends large amounts of time alone. Some of us prefer being alone! OK!
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) Uh, yes .... some people might but I don't.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. No, I want my mum to hold my hand the whole time I am out with my friends talking about boys and all that goes with them! Sure ...
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. Only when the authority figure doesn't hold that authority for a good reason .... *cough* McNeill and Haller *cough*
-Misbehaves at school. Again I don't think they've allowed for a degree of normalcy here ...
-Misbehaves at home. *Read Above*
-Eats excessively or too little. That's a result of my Satan induced boredom ...
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. [I believe they're looking for 'Count Chocula'. *stifles laughter* Dracula Nuts!]
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church of We Don't Know