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* - galaxy

throwing knives?

Posted on 2005.11.21 at 10:15
Your joke for today:
................................

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. You’re cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

.................................

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

Comments:


Steven
ihaveadream at 2005-11-21 15:08 (UTC) (Lien)
Lol, very good :)
where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2005-11-22 21:31 (UTC) (Lien)
Why thank you stevie! How's it goin? I've had some big-time set-backs in the past weeks, but I think I'm good now. Hope you are too!
Steven
ihaveadream at 2005-11-23 11:21 (UTC) (Lien)
It's going quite well at the moment, thanks! I'm glad you are good now. Those setbacks only make us mentally stronger!
Major Mustard
major_mustard at 2005-11-21 16:31 (UTC) (Lien)
Now if she had just held on for another day, the bitch could've stolen some serious money. I'm not sure but I think this constitutes an onwage.
where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2005-11-22 21:37 (UTC) (Lien)
An orange? I don't know what an onwage is!?! I feel so un-hip! I tried googling the term, and I still can't figure it out! Is it a British thing? Pray tell?!

But - anyway - yes - she could've! Some people don't know to be conservative with their written words. And no patience for the lottery! As you say, she is an orange.
Major Mustard
major_mustard at 2005-12-04 19:03 (UTC) (Lien)
Ownage. As in she got owned. As in she loses big time.
Catherine
emerald_snow at 2005-11-21 19:02 (UTC) (Lien)
That's awesome. =)

where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2005-11-22 21:40 (UTC) (Lien)
I was happy to find it. And cast it back into the internet pool, that others may keep it alive forever. I like it when I can post some quality madness here and keep up my reputation. Although - I didn't ask to be "mad." Madman101 means Madison + college (101). Oh well. I perform a valuable service, accidentally. Wasn't this a nice long reply to your comment? Yes it was!
[disaffection]
xdesensitizedx at 2005-11-21 19:53 (UTC) (Lien)
hahha that's too funny
it made me giggle
yay lol

where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2005-11-22 21:42 (UTC) (Lien)
I like it when I can get to ya! Goodie! And I'm so glad you're happy cuz your beau be on the way! Have fun Kattie!
Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn
a_common_blow at 2005-11-21 22:15 (UTC) (Lien)
Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem
'ndahdjg HAHAHAH
where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2005-11-22 21:43 (UTC) (Lien)
Ain't that the kicker?!
a mute dick named nicole
murderoftwo at 2005-11-21 23:27 (UTC) (Lien)
Wow, that icon is hypnotizing.
where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2005-11-22 21:44 (UTC) (Lien)
My mission is to convert you all to delicious madness!
_lor_rie_ at 2005-11-21 23:35 (UTC) (Lien)
too funny!
where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2005-11-22 21:46 (UTC) (Lien)
cha cha cha!

I hope you're happy now!

A little?

Briefly?
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