I am being followed by a tiny gang of flesh-eating space-monkeys. I am so popular.
Well, I've been trying to figure out a way to break it to you. I guess I'll just come right out and say it.
I am a computer-generated spider/robot. I stalk the internet looking for pieces of your journals to send to Google and so forth. I have no real body or mind. I have kindly been given a home by LJ - madman101 - where I can pretend to be a human being. That, and the fact that I will never die, make this a pretty good deal. I get Thursdays and Saturdays off and a turkey on Thanksgiving.
It has recently been brought to my attention that girls are weird. In 100 words or less, please describe how and why girls are weird. Compare and contrast girls with boys and possibly John Waters. Papers will graded in the order they are received.
Well, it is morning and this is a new experience for me. I must decide what to do with my day. I can't just ship it to Geico as I usually do. Maybe I'll actually read the NYT. Maybe I'll become a rock star today. Will I be handsome? Will I be rich?
I bought a wireless card for my laptop - but can't pick up anything from my present location. Not even a prostitute.
And I saw the movie "Shaun of the Dead" - had to grow more thumbs just to show my approval of this fine, fine documentary.
Heard any good jokes? Why are you looking at me that way?
I'm going back to bed.