I am the person who will destroy China. (madman101) wrote,
I am the person who will destroy China.
madman101

The Long Unwindling Road...


Ever since his thirst and urination problem, my dog has been a little thirsty and urinaty. I had to put a gate up, blocking him from the kitchen, because there are still damp towels in there, used for sopping up. If he smells these, apparently he gets convinced it is THE idea to piss inside the apartment. At least its on a linoleum floor. But, I haven't got ahead this, yet, and it's just one more thing.

Today, I actually did manage to leave the house, carrying with me a tortured brain and a little pack of dog poop, essentially interchangeable. I guess I will tell you about my interactions, which were only with blacks:

First, I passed Bigfoot, and I am no longer acknowledging Bigfoot, because of the shit he's pulled. It's not that this black life doesn't matter, to me, it's that it is impossible to deal with him and come out level, much less ahead. So, if people wonder why some black lives are treated like they don't matter. Ask what they might possibly have done to bring that on. Personal responsibility. Why do I have to struggle my whole life to be personally responsible, and then held responsible because black lives get away with murder?

Next, I am sitting in the park, by the library, working on my laptop. This black guy walks by and starts shouting at me, about the smart people in history, who left a legacy, and so he knew what he was doing back in the 1700's. Quite frankly - an aside - I don't really care about leaving a legacy. I don't think most legacy people even cared about that. I am interested in the truth, figuring things out, spotlighting humanity, looking for ways to save us - and the planet - from ourselves.

Who cares who comes up with the knowledge or the answers> Historical figures are just note-cards upon which we write these things - a way of making stupid little kids remember. Because stupid people want to think about people and that's all they want to think about. Check out ONTD. You can't succeed without a business - and, likewise, you can't record important things unless you're a name. When you depart, that's it - you do not live forever - what the hell difference does it make to bones in 100% darkness if they once belonged to a life who did or that? It's over! It's like copyright and patent law. You claim an idea for a grown-up lifetime - 50 years - and then it ain't yours, it's humanities. The only reason it was once called yours was because that's the way humanity gets selfishness to work in its favour. But, it was never yours!

What a buffoon to think an individual is any kind of genius higher than that of humanity - or of nature itself. Personally, I'm going to do what I can, and then I am checking out. For a hundred years - 10,000, I don't care - I might be attributed as the source, but then, it is dust for everyone. Maybe we'll have seven ears, spinning through the stars, and what difference will it make to that sort what I said - what any more difference than do a gaggle of geese flying once overhead and then seen no more?

All this vying for attention? It doesn't matter! You only use it to advance things that might help others, maybe nature, maybe star children one day. You do it because there is a momentum in your genes to do good for fellows of the future. Don't romanticize it. This is the way we are. If we could all just humble ourselves and shut up about achieving eternal fame, maybe there would be less wars and less premature deaths.

Here comes a crazy fucking dude yelling at me about how he must leave a legacy - or did leave a legacy hundred of years ago - and I can't get a damned thing done between him and my CFS. Just stop all this damned stupid incivility and let people create and grow healthy-minded children. This crap has got to stop.

Next, I went to the ATM, to take out $200, so I might possibly buy a mower vial CL. Also depositted a refund check. After it was over, I walked away, and there was this car alongside, out from which came a black guy, to use the ATM. Because of my bad CFS day, I let out another breathy sigh. I am fatigued, you know? Deeply fatigued? And this guy mocks me by doing a louder sigh back at me. Because I shouldn't have sighed because black lives matter. Blacks lives who can afford cars and who don't have CFS. I am so fucking sick of this.

I am not just talking about blacks. I am talking about a LOT of people around here. Like the mower: As soon as he thinks he is relationship with you, the dysfunctional competition game kicks in. You go shopping, and you dare to whistle quietly to yourself, because you are happy to be up and about? Some jackass man, any race, will step in and start whistling louder than you, because his territory was somehow challenge. In a grocery store. What ever happened to diversity? Believing in each other! Happy to be happy? Good for you, Illinois, you lost another seat in the House. I fucking wonder why.

Next, I head to the liquor store, because I have decided that a bottle of wine should be OK. Yet another bathroom break, so everyone is waiting outside the store. More and more people are showing up. And so, the possibility of coronavirus is growing exponentially. I get in there, grab a Cabernet Savignon, but there is a black guy in front of me. Takes a little while. Looks like he's done. Then he says he's going to go grab something else, that he had planned to grab, all along.

I am standing, waiting, while he is off in the store, looking through the shelves. He comes back. Still not done, has to buy something else at the countre. Is this manners, or is this not manners? This is not manners. Remember when the Dems were all about civility? Apparently, that's not a thing, anymore. Now, it's all about letting the blacks get whatever they want, ahead of everybody else, because they matter more than all lives matter, and no one is allowed to complained, because we are all supposedly held hostage by this retarded Machiavellian bullcrap.

Seriously, urban blacks are walking around thinking they are some kind of agency of god himself, and whatever they do is right, even if its wrong. I will be so glad to get away form this insanity. This racism. This isn't even the tip of the iceberg, here, or in Minneapolis, or Chicago, or Saint Louis. You have no idea what is going on. Enough.

I get home, and what do I find? I had forgotten to close the kitchen gate. Because my dog smelt his urine in there, he urinated in there AGAIN. It didn't matter that I had taken him outside just before I left, and as soon as I got home. He has become so out of control. Later, my dog's nose is oriented into in the kitchen gate. He was acting weird, so I got tired of it, and had him stay in my bedroom for the rest of the night. Poor dog. Has to divide his allegiance between instinct and thousands of years of human interference.

Sitting in my bedroom, he erupts, barking loudly in his sleep. I mean loudly. Good to let out the tension. His dreams are my only ally. A couple of minutes later, police cars and ambulances charge off, running their sirens.

I already know that my dog can sense conflicts going on, elsewhere in the city. I really do know that. And it doesn't have to do with him hearing something. I had a Malamute who was far more psychic than this guy, and so I know that this stuff is very real. I love that it is. Nature is amazing. So - we have two factors: My dog is in stress because he believes the right thing to do is to piss in the kitchen but my face keeps popping in and telling him NO; and some kind of emergency happened while he was asleep. Which was he dreaming about? Somehow, both. That is one aspect of dreams. We process our shit, but we're also bringing in signals from elsewhere.

btripp posted a thingie saying that whenever one man dies, so does a vast library. One man, one woman, one child, one dog, even a worm, really. I have had such a thought, many times before. It is an terrible loss every time anyone dies, because: look at all the language they have learnt. Just one person, is all that is needed, for aliens to understand us. We are walking computers beyond imagine - libraries beyond that in Alexandria - we are more than extravagant DNA, because it is all entangled and multiplied by itself a trillion times.

Just one life is more than the universe can conceive in a lifetime. We have BILLIONS of them, all carrying on, and following their cellphones, and TMZ, and People Magazine. What a waste. But, millions upon millions of them are thinking and exploring and remembering and committing all to the memory of the species. People like you and me. We seek that man may find. My dog, myself, everyone - we're all trying to balance out. It's a balancing act. We at the circus. We're walking a fine line.

Think of all the memory in humanity. Humanity possibly stops 40,000 years ago. Don't stop at that. All that memory going on in humans and humanoids. In primates. Tiny mammals. Fish. Bacteria. All that memory, just building us coincidentally with molecules and meaning. With an ever-burning will to strive forward. Memory behind us, pushing us forward. It would not be memory were we never to change. The now only exists because our memory failed us, to some degree. Some small, nearly insignificant degree. We thought we were doing this. But doing that. And this is life moving through time. Cycles of time become vectors for species, and motivation for the will to power. But, that's another conversation. The point is that memory pushes forward into chaos, which we organise, as we also amend memory. It's really amazing.

Anyway, it may seem edifying to assume that the loss of every life is a loss of some vast living library. I agree, it is. And, this really happens, over and over again. And it is a horrible shame how teen urban gangs are killing off their own, in numbers far, far exceeding anything incurred by police. It's sad that things cannot shape up. So many hope and dreams, possibilities, loves, feelings, just obliterated as if by some kind of new world war. As if there are mass burials going on, and scientists are thereby turned to worms, novelists are unread, singers unheard, artists unseen, mothers unloved. Even behind this, the labyrinth of meaning and physics - it is cut off, once again, as it keeps getting off every time we turn on the TV, or every time we believe a lie, or every time we pull weeds, or we eat walnuts, or kill chickens, or euthenise cats, or so on. The labyrinth does not stop. It does not depend on us. It keeps pushing forward. You either tap into it or you don't. If you think that history means anything, compared to this - it does not. The chaos machine moves on, modulating time, and either you are with it or you are against it. Your legacy means nothing.

The loss of every life. What happens? I will tell you what I believe to know about this. For a few hours, or days, after a life dies, there can be communication across time and space, with or to entities with which that life had an emotional attachment or investment. I have seen enough to know that this happens. It has really made me love nature all the more. I can't say what happens after several days. That's all words and speculation. Religion. Religion can be an exploitation of these few days, extrapolating them into eternity, for selfish purposes. Or not. Maybe we'll see. Probably we won't. Religions do, however, by this possible extrapolation, tend to keep masses of people in line, and that is a very good thing, when civilisation and food can be so precarious.

Now, I am going forward with this essey. Can you keep up? You must!

I have studied, and looked with a skeptical eye upon, prophets. And psychics. I am presently with the conclusion that prophets and psychics are entirely possible - feasible - legitimate. Most not, but some yes. Edgar Cayce had visions, comparable to mine, and many of these turned out to be acute and relevant. This guy had his visions whilst he underwent some kind of severe migraines, or something like that.

I had a gf who claimed to be psychic - and she was riddle with JRA. I have had my own visions via CFS and also via alcohol psychosis. My dog was profoundly upset that he was not allowed to piss in the kitchen, and then he had a dream that may have tuned into some crisis that was going on elsewhere. So, what I am saying is that psychic awareness, and visions, seems to often rely on tortured minds or souls to bring them up. I have NO idea why this might be, but it really seems to be a true phenomenon.

Here is the thought: It's a big one. Every life does not disappear. It does its thing for a few days. After that, I can't say what happens. Possibly, in those few days, it is downloading back down to humanity, all that it has learnt. And, we get these weird, psychic experiences as a consequence of that. Just a side phenomenon.

So, the idea is this: We learn and remember and seek what we can, in our individual bodies. When we die - or even as we live - we offer these explorations up to what Delhard de Chardin called, "The Neosphere." I'm actually not big on the Neosphere. I am only using it here for exemplary purposes. What I do tend to believe is that Cayce got his information from a place that seemed to be transcendent - from some kind of people computer that was up in the hyperspace cloud. Maybe that's what has always been happening. Or, maybe that it a prediction of how our computing networks will develop. I am always questioning.

Hypothesis: Our species advances in inventions, knowledge, philosophy, technology, etc. (I understand the relativism argument that can be inserted here. But, the fact is that we are moving forwards in time, and our discoveries are generally relevant to that advance).

As a part of this, our advance beckons the will to advance from past echoes. It encourages it. This is something like retrocausality - not the same.

Imagine if evolution was not just sparred on by chance and circumstance, of the better adapted to survive. I keep harping that the WILL to survive and advance is crucial to evolution. Now, I am wondering if the will to survive and evolve might not be beckoned ahead by future conditions. It seems crazy. But I know enough about time to propose this without embarrassment. What if our cutting edge research was just what was needed by the hope of creatures rising out of the swamps to keep hoping and keep pushing forward.

They say that time does not exist. I think this is a very credible hypothesis. The hope of the children inspires the will of the parents. I think I have something, here. Give me 50 years. Wait until I'm dead. Then it's all yours. We are called out of the swamp because we intended to explore the stars.

The problem with all this is: Who has the money? Who is at the spearhead of humanity's advances? Do we really want those people there? Surely, at this point, there can be others!
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