I am the person who will destroy China. (madman101) wrote,
I am the person who will destroy China.
madman101

ruminations

I've been wanting to get around to making 'Thanksgiving burritos'.  I need to somehow get rid of the stuffing I took out of the freezer, expecting a full turkey to be delivered by instacart, which didn't happen.  I cannot fit anything more into my freezer, it is bursting.  I have one of those fridges where the freezer is the full door on the left, like the one on, "Modern Family," in the dad's house.  I always thought it would be awesome to own this type of fridge, and here it is.  I had to complain to get it.  The first fridge had issues, so they hauled that down the stairs and brought another one up.  THAT fridge also had issues, so they hauled that one away and brought up this big fridge.  It has minimal temp issues.

Instead of making the burritos tonight, I made mashed potatoes, spiced, and using my Irish Butter.  I also heated up some turkey, and steamed the stuffing.  My music is playing by year, backwards.  With additional albums added recently.  Hugh Laurie was making a fool out of himself, and, as I stuffed my face with my Irish Butter Potatoes, the next album that came on was by Ian Campbell, full of Irish and Scots jigs.  Quite nice.  Suddenly, my life was revived.  Soon, Saint Patrick's Day will arrive, and then spring, and then some new home and car.  If I play my cards right, I will find a place to take all my shelves, books, furniture, etc., and I will run off to Ireland to find the girl that has always been waiting there for me.  And we will dance a jig atop a growing mound of babies.

Before BLM came along, I said to a cab driver that there are probably more Irish-descent people, (not to mention other Celts), in the USA than blacks, and yet we only get one day a year of recognition, whereas blacks are constantly covered on NPR, etc., are in almost every TV commercial, have black history month, and so on.  I was joking, as is so easy to do with the truth.  People just don't see what's right in front of them.  During the BLM riots, people were injured and buildings were burnt because of things people thought they saw right in front of them but which actually didn't exist, mainly, the idea that there is a gross bias against blacks by the police, something actual facts do not bear out.  "Hands up, don't shoot!" - didn't happen.  And so on.  They haven't torn down statues of Saint Patrick yet, but I'm sure that's coming. 

The ironic thing is that all Irish and Americans celebrate the saint on that day, when the guy wasn't even Irish.  He was, like Christopher Columbus, another Italian.  That's how much the Irish care, they just want to have something to drink about.  They'll celebrate a soggy moccasin if they have to.  Everybody else is in such a stink about these things. 

Columbus, and the Conquistadors, were brutal bastards to the natives who were, wait for it, cannibals and into sacrificing innocent people.  I tell you what, we were all stinkers back in the day, before technology and trade and constitutions made us into more relaxed, civilised people who could afford to do away with slavery, and slothed behind TV screens for days on end until some virus came along to remind us that we are still animals.

Personally, I'll take Saint Brendan over Saint Patrick any day.  Brendan was the first to discover the North American continent, before Leif Erickson, son of Eric Erickson, the Eric.  I do believe there were much earlier Europeans showing up in America, introducing Celtic (Indo-European) words to the Algonquin languages.  However, Brendan was the first to really be documented as having probably been to America.  While not travelling the high seas, Brendan sat alone in his monastery, writing of all the things he saw, like giant magical cats, or some such thing.  It is possible that he was speaking of lions he might have seen in the Canary Islands, although, why would there be lions in the Canary Islands? 

In those days, people in general were stupid, and wanted to believe anything.  Like today, without the technology.  So, if sailors saw gorgeous manatees, then the best way to describe them were as sexy mermaids.  Months at sea will do that to ya.  If they saw seals or whales spouting great blasts of water mist into the air, then of course they must be dragons.  Seriously, telling tall tales gets you laid much faster than talking about stuffing your shoes with seaweed to stay warm, "Oh, it was terrible, and the smell!"  Which is one reason why Jewish people never really made it at sea.  Palestinians, who partly derived from the Philistines, who partly derived from the Phoenicians, that's another story.

At least the Irish venerate, maybe a Roman, but someone who preached goodness, in a day of barbarism after Rome proper left England.  Out go the magistrates and soldiers, in come the holy busybodies.  Hungry for your soul, for some reason I have yet to figure out.  But Brendan was even better, he was basically just curious.  Didn't have slaves.  Didn't start a war.  Didn't rape the Ho-Chunk.  Didn't pave over sacred mounds.  Didn't pay to sleep with the wife of another man.  Just built a rugged little boat and off he went, with God in his heart, because you need God in your heart if your intention is to do something crazy like this.

It is now beyond a doubt that Norse folk visitted and lived in North America, along the northern east coast, and into northern Minnesota.  It is really, really interesting reading.  When I lived in the birthplace of America, Philadelphia, I fell very ill with CFS, and consequently became homeless for a few weeks.  What to do, what to do?!  I found this little exit of a hole downwards off a busy urban street, through the overgrowth.  Down I went.  Apparently unknown to the world above, and all around, was a winding horseshoe creek, populated by a giant turtle and smatterings of hypodermic needles.  Inside the horseshoe bend was a rising little hill, with trees and stones, and a few little shelters, made of stone, some actually fitting the definition of caves.  This is where I stayed, in one of these caves.  One morning, I had full paralysis in my legs, and had to pull myself around by my hands and arms.  I also found another cave completely full of autumn leaves.  I left a blanket of mine, hidden deep under these leaves, intending to come back for it one day, as I liked that blanket, and it would have said, "Yes, I was really here.  This BS really did happen."  (If you find it, please contact me.  I am sure it is now eaten through by bugs and dry rot).

Of course, I took the opportunity to scout around.  I found a large statue facing the creek, possibly of Thomas Paine?  "Tolerance," was the inscription.  And, I think tolerance had done its best, because tolerance had completely obscured this statue from the rest of Philadelphia - as had the deep growth of trees and bushes and vines all around it.  One could not have found this great statue lest one had been a fallen soul such as I.  A mockery of tolerance, was it?  A tribute to Nature?  A freakish irony?  A blasphemy of 1776?  What a wondrance this statue was to me, but I skirted out of there, full of barnishes and branches.  Pretty exhausting.

I've mentioned it before.  But, once, I was a little more exuberant, walking around Philly.  There is this little line of classical Greek buildings in a park along the Wissahicken.  I surveyed it.  Read an inscription all about Democracy, and all that.  Some dude with his chick took it upon himself to ward me off, "Don't believe it!"  Don't believe the writings of the Founding Fathers, or of their philosopher teachers?  Don't believe it.  Was this, too, a mockery of Democracy?  That forgotten statue, also haunting the Streets of Philadelphia?  "I will believe what I choose to believe," I sternly shot back at him. 

He became bothered, like, "I will SHOW that guy!" - for I had done the unanticipated, the free, the me.  What kind of response was he anticipating from this boorish behaviour?  I mean, has he acted like this before, and, if so, what kind of response has come to him from inside this city?  This LOST city?  White guy.  Besmirching that which made him free.  And he expects others to snicker along with him?  This is one place where what we have now, today, BLM/Antifa - this is one place it started.  Idiots like this.  Can't mind their own business.  Think they know it all.  Telling total strangers what to do.  They don't come by that without first JUDGING, let me tell you.  His gf tried to tamp him down, but really it was just a dance of his own cowardice.  As is so common today.  White guy.  Antifa.  Same old BS, in a new package.  And, I cannot end this paragraph without also mentioning the early Antifa guy to whom I 'gave' my city lots, who STOLE my lawn mower, because I am a white guy, just like him, but his actions are good because they are for the blacks, supposedly, (not for him, of course).  Then, my house was stollen, by pretty much the same psychology, although of an opposite stripe.  Capitalism.  Marxism.  It's all the same BS.  It's purpose is to TAKE from you.  We live 70 or 80 years, and yet so many people devote themselves to this taking game, it is astonishing and depressing.  Waving flags of god or country, only to permit them, through words and legal documents, to attack like animals.

I loved my stay in Philly, for all the good and bad it taught me.  I really did.  I love Philadelphia.  But, it made me homeless.  So, here we are, back in the caves of the horseshoe creek...  Another place I surveyed was just up the hill.  A steep hill.  What did I discover?  A sundial.  An ancient sundial.  Made of stones in the ground.  Put here even before Philadelphia was a city.  Fascinating to me.  I later learnt that I had been sleeping in the caves of monks.  Ancient monks.  They had built this sundial.  They had populated this tiny peninsula, hundreds of years ago, doing stuff, making plans, building hope, talking to Indians, surviving, worshiping, living lives and then becoming dirt we walk over.  Life is so insanely strange.

I think, if you Search, "legends of the Wissahicken," or, "myths of the Wissahicken," you will find out more about these exhistoric monks.  I think they showed up at the time Florida was being populated, before the states grew up.  It was back in the days when the whole purpose of showing up here was to serve God, and to save souls for god, because, I think, that eventuated in money, lol.

The thought that I, in my arduous existentiallism, shared the cave of a monk who died hundreds of years ago, as forgotten as the, "Tolerance," statue, is really meaningful to me.  My life has not been one of great intrigue or adventure, other than through my own intelligence.  So, this experience, of being thrown into a cave with a sailor monk, it's almost like waking up one day to find yourself bustling along in the Jamestown colony.  It makes you wonder, and even long about, human life, trying to persist, maybe bleeding through into other lives, or maybe only so because of our dream-crazy imaginations.  The height of my Philadelphia experience was to lie in the cave of a forgotten monk.  What is that?  That's so fucking Brendan.

I tell you what.  I eventually end up in this stupid Midwestern, inbred town.  The first three things I noticed when I moved here:

1 - The dogs are all small, but mean, i.e., pit bulls.

2 - The blacks go out of their way to push whites around.  Yelling at them, basically.

3 - People are strange.  I asked a waitress for directions, when moving my stuff here, and she pushes her fat body up to mine, in some kind of chauvinist gesture, meant to intimidate.  I'm serious, the people are very screwed  up.  I can only document it all in a novel.  CRAZY.

Another thing I later learnt was that any not-old white males were complete tampons.  They acted like sheep and they always deferred to blacks and females, which is wrong, only because no group of anyone is ever always right.

I have seen it for real how the blacks intimidate the whites.  I was making headway in establishing mutual respect - and along comes BLM, paid for my Soros and China, with the sole intention of destabilising American society.  Whereas ME?  Trying to stabilise it!  Now, white guy, speaking up about the truth, is the enemy.  CRAZY.

I moved into an upstairs flat, tolerating plumes of cigarette smoke rising into my bedroom.  The guy down there had his dog follow me around, from below, telling him to bark at me and my dog.  They made a point of playing their surround-sound movies at full volume, at 3:am, shaking the entire house.  They slammed doors, and so on, just trying to get me to move out - which is something they had done to previous downstairs tenants.  I survived.

One day, I ran after the guy, after he had been banging the doors, and yelled at him.  I wasn't backed up.  But the cop who took the report had enough conscience to notify the LL that the guy was illegally living downstairs.  So, after a month, they got thrown out.  I am sure they saw this as injustice.  But when you attack people, bad things are SUPPOSED to happen to you, am I wrong?

In moved the crazy old bald man downstairs.  Everyone in this town gossips.  So, he heard that I was a crazy person.  He went ahead and started stomping around, slamming doors, and banging on the walls at night.  Because.  The black people told him I was crazy.  I have gone through 4+ years of having my health damaged by this old creep.  All because everyone is living in an antagonistic dream world, perpetuated by TV screens.

I get really exasperated by people who have easy lives, or live out on the west coast, in towns where only 1% of the people are black, telling the rest of the country - the world - to give even more over to blacks, to let them walk all over you, to let them establish the morality of this country, like they are Whoopy Goldberg on, "The Next Generation."  This is bullshit, I'm sorry.  Racist bullshit.  If blacks want compensation for being taken away from Africa, then let them have the standard of living that exists in Africa today.  I, myself, was taken to this country against my will.  I have always been poor and an outsider.  I have not only have had to deal with the bullcrap of white people, I have had to fare alone, faced with unjustified attacks from blacks.  Where is my compensation?  Where is my help for suffering the consequences of historic racism, almost costing me my life?

I was once an enlightened progressive, thinking I knew best what all the other morons should do.  Now, all I want is to be left alone.  And there is an aesthetic in that.  Why can't we just have a country where we leave each other alone?  There remain plenty of resources and technology and investment capital and opportunity - why can't we just let it happen, when and where it wants to happen?

Seriously?  Do you want Marxism?  An ideology that has failed in every trial in history?  I read Marx and Engels with great rapture once - it is electrifying stuff.  But, if you just focus on the underclasses versus the overclasses, you forget one thing.  How did so many people survive in the first place?  It had something to do with letting people follow their urgencies.  That stops during Marxism.  Especially because Marxism has always been commandeered away by the STATE.  Anyone who believes in Marxism is not yet aware of the world.  He or she has imaginations in the head, which never accord with reality.  The reality is that tens - hundreds - of millions get killed by what was once ideally imagined to be "Marxism."  Get it through your heads, Marxism is a magical-thinking afterthought to capitalism.  If you really want to join a commune, join the Catholic church.  It is communism from within.  It is communism plus divine ideals.  It gets you a seat in American politics.  And always should.  I support the churches more than I support communism in America.

Bernie Sanders?  He arose from the same populist movement that gave us Trump.  I supported Sanders twice.  He failed me when he went into the left-versus-right camp.  Americans don't so much want socialism as they want change.  There is no way this country will become Marxist, unless its younger generations sell it out to China.  These are the issue we are facing today.  China.  Big Tech.  The morose Biden cult.

I've seen people on the left go crazy - seriously.  A lot of them.  But, I think, there are a lot of people on the right who have been going crazy, as well.  I see this through the things that people choose to say, choose to omit, choose to cancel, choose to permit.  Around 1902, there was a great fury over Spain in the Philippines.  And there was more - a lot of pathetic, "yellow journalism."  We went to war, and we won the Philippines.  We are in the same state today, with this new technology of social networking, owned by a handful of companies.  Yesterday, it was Hearst, today it is Bill Gates.  The news is manipulated and conformed into serving political agenda, which makes certain people a lot of money.

The OCCUPY movement got a Molotov cocktail thrown through its showy pane of glass, insisting that it now only cover racial injustice.  MY community is not going to do this.  We are all humans.  We are exploited by the same forces.  We are going to stay with the fact that the very rich exploit the very poor.  The very rich may include basketball players who support BLM, and are supported by China, but its the same crap, no matter what the race.

I look at what can be better with the world.  What I see are conspiracies to foment rage amongst the poor, and the well-off guardians of the poor.  I see conservatives talk show hosts completely missing how some individuals just need the space to feel.  I have to tell you, I am at a loss, these days.  I want things to get better, but I know there are forces wanting to make money by tearing us apart.  Can you understand how crazy it has made me?  I am sorry I am so bad on LJ.  These are terrible, terrible times.  Predicted by the advance of global warming.  But, the right is as blind to this as is the left to democracy for all.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I think we will find, soon enough, that we are at the end of our rope.  We have been outdone by the animals amongst us.  Tell me otherwise.

We have unleashed a lot of nonsense upon this planet.  I don't know how our species shall be resolved.  But, in mythic terms, we have definitely challenged the hand of God.  We have acted like we know everything, when even Bill Gates knows nothing of vaccines, or of human nature.  It's really laughable about how little time we have had on this planet, and yet we act like we own it, like we know what is best for it.  Let me tell you what is best for this planet...

Leave it alone.  Leave other people alone.  Stop trying to argue with everyone.  Stop building your fences higher and higher.  Stop trespassing. Stop accusing people of crimes they never committed.  Just live in the sanctity of the now.   Can't anyone just do that?!  Just live in the fucking NOW.  Money is easy.  You can get money anywhere.  Just so long as you know who you are, and live who you are.  Forgive anyone who also tries as much.  Shower your love on the capitalists who make their way out of the barrios.  I have so much more to say.

I think, after all of Catholicism that I have refuted and put behind me, I am on a Catholic mission.  Before I die, I just want people to know what I think is up with the world, good and bad.  I think I will be gone in a few decades.  I just want to say I would rather have been a mole.  You people have so upset me.  And you're all fat, why am I even talking to you?

God bless those who strive amongst us.  They are, in society, out prefrontal cortex.  Let it happen.  Make sure it can happen.  Do everything on your power to make it happen.

I walked down the street, in the summer time, viewing Hawthorn trees, and plucking their orange-red berries.  Just to walk down the street.  Just to think things in your head, while you reach up and grab berries for no particular reason.  Are you not alive - still?  All you memories, of significant and insignificant moments?  Are you not still alive, looking back on these?  You never lived once but in the plucking of a berry to no end.  That was when you were the most alive.  Life is so utterly, incomprehensibly amazing, the fact that you are in it is just a silly accident.  What better calling than to love your neighbour?  Yes, maybe on LJ, and everyone kills themselves because there is no love returned.  In the real world, you have to build systems that help this love along.  Capitalism works against that - but so-called Marxism disallows it.

I just remember sleeping in the cave where a monk slept hundreds of years before.  I have no idea what went on then.  I do know my life was falling apart.  We go to sleep, settle down, and our dreams emerge, and we really like our dreams.  Maybe, when we die, something like this happens.  We disappear into something even more real than our egos.  We take it down to the basest level.  Where soul meets body.  Quantum craziness happens there.  I think, sleeping in a cave of forgotten monks, really helped tie me into the cosmic wonderance of what it means just to be.  Just to be.  And to know all of life is in you now.  Just to be.  And just to love.  Be here now, as  much as you can be, in a deranging world.  Be as real here now as you ever can be, because this is it.  After this, you join the air that has become dust that has become soil that has become life.

I really think that we are all extremely honoured to have been here.  All things considered.  I think we have been blessed beyond imagine, even in our misfortune and dying.  We have all been blessed just to be able to stand on two legs and walk this way.  I really wish everyone would just shut up about their luxurious grievances.  I have been through hell and back, and this is good enough for me.  If it is good enough for me, then I will attack you if you attack me.  Because you are insanity.  We need to get through this really crazy stupid time.  I think it would help if people took a good look at what is being shovelled their way.  I'll let you ponder on that.  For now.
Tags: my past, silly human race
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