where hypotheses come to die (madman101) wrote,
where hypotheses come to die
madman101

Like water off a dead duck's back.

It turned out that, indeed, I had misplaced a library DVD here, but thought I had returned it.  So, I had to walk to the library and drop that off pronto.  It is strange how I feel better today than yesterday, and yet it is the day after.  A relapse looms.  As does snow.  I also went into Walgreens to assert that I was never benefitted by the $5 coupon.  Cleared that up, and signed up for email for another $5.  I'll just send it to my spam box of course.  Walked home.  Long walk.



I prepared the day before, and then the day of the walks.  First, I walked to the nearby convenience store, and walked back.  inside, I put my key on the window sill, it's proper place.  Then I went out again, believing my key was still in my pocket.  This is how I can try so hard, on a good say, to get everything perfect, and my cognitive deficit can still kick in and mess everything up.

So, now i walked in the opposite direction, to library.  Then I did my laundry at a place nearby.  On my way walking home, I realised I did not have my key.  I went home anyway, to see if the key was in the knob.  My poor dog watched from inside. 

I doubled back, and stopped in at the movie theatre, where they revealed they had a pay-phone.  And I had tonnes of quarters.  Left a message for my LL, on the machine she never answers on weekends.  Sat in the lobby of the movie theatre for a while.  Talked to the cashiers, etc.  They left a message for my LL.

I believe the next thing I did was walk home to see if I could break in.  Night-time.  Then I walked back, stopping at the Pantry, which is also a homeless shelter.  Spent a lot of time there, trying to track down the guy who knew my LL's personal phone number.  No luck.  Then I walked to the LL's work building and garage.  Knocked on windows and doors.  Wrote message and dropped it in the 'mail' slot.  It was about 7:pm.  walked back to movie theatre, where I had become famous.  Now they are looking up locksmiths for me, etc.  Called three locksmiths.  One no longer does that part of business.  Two were not on call because it was a Saturday night.  As if people don't have accidents and mistakes on weekends.  Even in ye Olde Town, locksmiths and landlords/agencies have some sort of provision for accidents which occur at inconvenient times.  Here, people walk away from their businesses during the day, leaving a note.  It's so Green Acres.  Or 2020.

Then, a nice cashier gave me her free ticket to any movie.  So, when 9:pm rolled around, I went in and watched the Jude Law / Blake Lively movie.  I was hoping someone would be calling the theatre, but no luck.  I asked the cashiers to, if anyone called, tell them I would be at the local police department.  I set off thither.  If the theatre had not held on to my backpack full of laundry, I would have collapsed during the night.  I'm looking forward to the next time I go to a movie, to see those folks.  I once worked in a movie theatre, did ya know?  Changed the reels whilst the movies played.  Made popcorn, etc.  Such a fun job!

At the local police station, there was a little old black man being loud and friendly with the girl behind the glass, sharing cookies, etc.  I talked to him, a little.  Made a joke which made him laugh.  Anyway, the plan was for me to sit in the lobby all night.  The police had also left a message on my LL's answering machine, I think.  The old man went away into the cold night.  So began a night of cold, silent hell for me.  BTW - I was under-dressed for the cold, and it was cold in the lobby.

The minutes and hours ticked slowly by.  At some point, I walked to the nearby county police station, who said I was not in their jurisdiction.  Back to the local station.  BTW - Even the local police refuse to help anyone g break into their homes, no matter how much ID you have, etc.  This irks me, because it is the loss of a service which kind-of defines what POLICE should mean: Being there for the public, right?  So many walls built up against  someone who falls through the cracks so that, once you're down, you are DOWN.  Also - I did stop in at the Pantry/Shelter a second time earlier in the night.  And - when I did need a bed, later in the night, they were closed.

I decided to walk from the police station to the hospital, just to ask if I could recl9ine in their lobby.  I asked the girl behind the glass to tell this to anyone who might call.  She said she didn't think the hospital would allow this, so I just said, "Well just say that's what I'm TRYING to do."  Peolpe are knobs.

So, I head off, looking for the hospital, in the cold, under-dressed.  Many streets were dead-ends.  I followed one street, into an area holding large buildings and parking lots.  But I really didn't think this was the hospital  Luckilly(?), I see a police car sitting in one of the parking lots.  I walk towards it.  The officer is facing a computer screen, away from me.  So, I have to loop 'round the front, so I don't startle him.  I wave, and then his German Shepherd goes crazy, barking.  He steps out, BARK BARK BARK, and shouts at the dog to shut up.  "Simon, shut up!"  Simon shuts up and does a classic whimper, like you would see in a cartoon or something.  I laugh to myself, "Heh - Simon!"

So, this local police officer tells me, no problem, he would drive to my address, and break into my apartment for me!  Yay!  But, he is not allowed to give me a ride, (or course), so he told me to walk back to my apartment, in the cold, another mile or so.  And, he tells me that a nearby street is the WEST version of my EAST street - but he is totally wrong, because there is no west version of my east street!  Whatever - I say, "Thank you, K-9!" and head down the main highway.

When I get to my home... Nothing.  It is still locked!  So, I try to break in a little, and then sit on my steps for a while.  Maybe he will show up.  He does show up.  Drives down the street.  And when I wave to him, he drives away.

Was this guy snubbing me because I said, "Thank you, K-9!" ??  because, I get this shit here all the time.  It is like people are fastidiously scanning for anything that might be taken as an insult, even if it's a sneeze from the weather, so they have an excuse to blame and mess with someone.  Yesterday, the Walgreens cashier never credited my $5 coupon, possibly because I let out a sigh of exhaustion which she took as a sigh of frustration with her - as this how she responded to it verbally.  So many instances of this sort of thing.  However, I cannot say if it applied in this instance, because another likely explanation is that he called in his intention to help me, and the dispatcher told him not to proceed.  But I don't get why he showed up and then drove away.  To show he was thinking of me?  lol.

But, please.  You're a police officer.  You don't tell someone you are going to help them, and then not do it!  WTF is that?!  Green Acres!  More like Green Acres meets Homeland Security or something.

Anyway, I had to walk another mile or more back to the police station.  This was maybe around 2:am.  This is a lot to ask from someone with CFS.  Not only the exertion - but there is poor thermoregulation.  That means that I went into hypothermia and could not go on.  So I walked into a building, where the inner doors were locked.  A lady at a desk asked what i wanted.  I asked, "Is this the hotel??!"  She said yes, and eventually let me in.  I began to explain what had happened, while my mouth was all frozen.  The story went on too long for her, so she was glad when it was over, and decided it would be the normal thing to do, to let me sit and warm up in the lobby.  Sop, that's what I did.  She turned on the TV for me, and I sat in a chair eating a bag of $3 Frito's.  I have to tell you, though...  This woman was creepy.  She was exceedingly averse to eye-contact.  So, it took here a few seconds to get her face in your direction.  And then she almost-looked through quiverign slits for eyes.  really, really weird.  That's probably why they put her on the night desk.  But, still, for a supposedly-posh hotel?!  Kids would be, like, "Ew!"  What's also weird is that I remember talking to this woman once before, somehow.  Can't place it.  She did the same eye thing back then.  Total mistrust of humans!  So sad.  So, maybe bringing out some humanity in her on my account was a good thing.

Though I was still shaking to the bone, I left to go back to the police station.  I saw them change shifts several times - so some people were eager to help, and some were not.  Some thought I was a deliberate problem.  Well, my health struggled, as I say and squirmed and tried to recline somehow in the hard seats, drinking water and using the bathroom.  Here's an interesting factoid: I began this day wanting to get laundry done, avoid people, and survive any possibility of the flu or Coronavirus out there.  I wore gloves, and so on.  Now, I end up being around lots of people, using the keys to the bathroom, etc,. etc.  Completely the opposite of what I had planned...

Well, now I decide to walk to the nearby County police station again.  It's like 5:am or something.  I went there to ask if I could use their phone.  because the latest local police person didn't like the idea of me calling the LL again.  The local police had actually reached her at around 11:pm, the previous night.  She told them nothing could be done at that time.  (!!!!)  So, tyhe local police figured that was enough.  But I needed to call her - and I can't remember, but I had a good new reason.  A good one.  So - I go to the county police, and there is this girl behind glass.  But she immediately opens the door to come out and talk to me.  Turns out she was sick as hell, with some kind of virus.  Isn't that EXACTLY what you would expect?!

But, she was so very nice.  And, when I told her to take care, she turned back around to say thank you, but I was already off.  Viruses, you know.  This encountre really impressed me.  Someone I wanted to reach in and help, rescue, touch - you know.  A real person, like me, caught in the grind.  Well, she did direct me to an actual pay phone a few blocks away.  So, I went and called my LL - THIS time, I now had her personal number.  No answer, so I left a message.  And it was, shall I say, measured but powerful.  When I have to deliver, I can deliver.  I went back to the local station, and in a few minutes the dispatchers told me that they had just received a call from my LL, saying my door would be unlocked in 15 minutes.

That's what I'm talkin' about.  But all this other crap, about not bothering because it is a weekend.  Bullshit.  I think 95% of regular landlords would be ready to help any time, yes?  So, why does an agency get to blow you off?  Even while it pretends to love the heck out of you?  See, a single agency needs to go one way or another, and if it represents lots of landlords, approaching the 95% mark, then the agency should go for 100% and not 0%, on weekends, see what I'm saying?  Yes you do.

Yes, it is my 'fault' for having CFS and forgetting my key.  But, again, slip once, and down you go, pushed on by a lot of callous, self-important judges.  They have not lived hard, and so only see you as an easy equal in the eyes of justice.  Does not matter if you are poor, disabled, etc., etc.  You must follow their normative protocol or fuck off.  Because, in the eyes of selfishness, they are better than you, and they will use this normative justice at every opportunity, even if it may as much as destroy your life, or kill you.  That's how Americans are.  That's why San Francisco is full of enlightened gurus and hordes of homeless people.  Seriously, how can an agency not have an emergency number, if it fails to respond to messages on weekends?  That's not my fault, that's their fault.  And, are they sick?  Are they car-less?  The situation is just so dour and tragic.  The best humanity can do is come up with a Jesus every few millennia, albeit setting itself to misconstruing the entire point every time.  Soon enough, it serves only the egos of the advantaged.  Animals.  Nothing more.  Maybe something less.

I walked home, stepped into my apartment, greeted my happy dog.  21 hours.  Probably the most crucial thing for CFS is timing.  If the timing is off, things go wrong.  One of the worst things you can do, if you have CFS, is skip a night, and fill it will cold and exertion.  So, that explains why this was followed by 2-3 weeks of brain problems, etc.

I got a bill in the mail for $31.  After I had been made to wait all night because the LL was more focused on making a new key than helping a disabled tenant get into his home.  Them there's the brakes, kiddo, right?  should have had another key hidden outside.  Well, a few years ago, I did ask around for someone to make a key for me, with no luck, Green Acres.  Apparently, F&F now has a machine, so good.  Progress.  But, to tell you the truth, my life is so hard that I usually don't have time to get everything done.  Glasses.  Teeth.  Driver's License.  Groceries.  Supplements.  Dog.  Social Security.  Illinois DHS.  Human beings.  Doctors.  MedicAid.  Medicare.  Money.  CHRONIC FUCKING FATIGUE SYNDROME.
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