I am the person who will destroy China. (madman101) wrote,
I am the person who will destroy China.

Strangers in the night..

Settled back to rewatching, "Yes Man," w/ Jim Carrey and Zoey Deschanel.  A mopey guy who always says "no" suddenly becomes a "yes" man, living life to the fullest.  At one point, deschanel kisses a complete stranger, carrey, straight out of the blue - as she is also a yes person.

This got me to thinking about myself.  I am totally a no man these years, totally missing out on life.  But this is because of the CFS and lack of money.  And because I live in a gone-mad city/country/world).  The only thing I am yes about, other than creature comforts, is my thinking/writing.  And maybe principles.  But I mainly want to be away from people.  There is a loop where they completely misinterpret me, b/o CFS, and they drain me, and I get avoidant and more ill, so they further misinterpret me.  Who needs it?!

But before CFS, I was very much of a yes man, as my 'dangerous list' below suggests.  I lacked a lot of opportunity though, and this made me really almost desperate in a way.  People often assumed that I failed to make my own opportunities realise in the world.  In fact, what I was doing was studying, learning, thinking and writing.  I probably would have ended up as a professor.  I had shitloads of money-making concepts, but never really found a way to exploit them.  I was really more interested in other things than money.

Alas, I had a family which, rather than support my interests such as music, theatre, or whatever, they pretty much took the stand that anything I did was crazy.  As soon as I was born, one sibling looked at me and cried, "What's that?!" like I was some alien monster.  With monster hands.  And Satanic prayers.  So, when I mentioned that I was interested in philosophy, I was immediately denied, as is the habit.  "You can't DO anything with philosophy!"  Silly minds.  Every damned thing created by humanity has sprung first from philosophy.  And it's not as if our age needs any kind of enlightenment and new way of doing things, right?

Anyway, the only motivation for this post was a memory I had, of back when I was a yes man in Madison.  It was New Year's Eve.  I might have gotten off work, and walked into a bus shelter, on the square.  It was drizzling, in the night.  I spoke a little to a girl who was in the shelter.  Just the two of us.  Approaching midnight.  I think she said she was not doing anything at midnight.  I decided the only thing I wanted to do - was not seek a relationship or anything.  I just stepped closer, and kissed her, on the cheek, in the rain.  As fireworks poofed and popped in the distance.  A bus showed up, she boarded, clearly happy, and was gone.  It was a very nice thing.  Very Romantic.

Tags: holidays - new year, movies - 'yes man', my past, romanticism / romantic / romance, sentimental

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