where hypotheses come to die (madman101) wrote,
where hypotheses come to die

For want of a world.

I had a central brain-ache up until I woke up at around 1:am, awakened by my dog constantly shaking his hair. (Maybe he himself was awakened by the guy downstairs doing a BANG, idk). As often is the case, it felt that the middle of my brain had died of anoxia. Since it is a central area of the brain, probably the HPA and pineal, this affects my attention, thought, memory - but also my heart, digestion, and everything else. A little more sleep tonight, hopefully, and I will be out of it.

However, when I took my dog out, at 2:am, after all his shaking, and as I opened his door of our bedroom, I shooshed him but he shook even more as he walked out. This has been going on for days or weeks, and I just had had it. So I pushed into him with my foot - a careful kick, enough to get the point through to him to knock this off. The reason it needs to stop is mostly because it makes the crazy man downstairs BANG in the middle of the night in revenge, which really harms my health. It is literally physical assault, (see the case where a TV show was successfully charged with assault after causing viewers to go into epileptic seizures).

Well, as I rushed after the dog, my hand, still on the doorknob, slammed the door shut, creating a noticeable BANG. Not severe. But it is certain that the jerk downstairs will come back at me in full force. All of this is like living as a pathetic nervous little slave to some evil space alien - but at least it is not as much, as constant as it was a year ago. For the most part, I have ridden this out after about three years. And I have mostly ridden out the neighbourhood harassment after almost 7 years. But it all still sits there, dormant, covetous, waiting to pounce. How tragic it has been that both my dog and I have been so damaged by these forces of retardation. It has been really terrible and sad. But, since I am a male, I am expected to prove my balls and my hate and all that, before anyone thinks I am worth respecting or even listening to.

The assumption, in Northern Illinois, is to first assume that everyone else is bad, and proceed to be an asshole towards them in every way. Sneaking and taking and taking and sneaking, until they fight back, and then you cower into your own depravity. Because. That's where it all begins. Moral, spiritual, human depravity. Acting as animals before entertaining any sort of humanity. As if the latter is so distant a concept from imagination, like something gleamed from an old textbook, or something proved so wrong by so many Hollywood movies, depraved politicians, or greedy capitalist ticks. The only way they evolve is by steeling away what glory they envy, shining from those souls who slip through their meanness like sunlight through the poisoned rain.
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