All of this happened because, after getting up every morning around 2 or 3 AM, I started going back to sleep around 5 AM or so. Since I had already eaten oatmeal by then, prior to sleep, the calories were devastating. This always happens when I eat too soon before I sleep - like less than 4 hours.
I was reading up on CFS, which some think is a state of hypo-metabolism, related to cells going into an emergency shut-down, carried over from when we were primitive animals - like worms. I will be writing more on CFS later. But this stage is apparently related to rigor mortis, wtf. So, yes, it is a lot like living through death, every relapse.
Scientists are confused because the extremes that CFS, which people go through, usually lead to death. Since we don't, this is why they think the mitochondrial emergency response is an evolutionary throw-back. They think that if we can just convince the cells that there is no emergency, then everything will return to normal. Unfortunately, this daring thesis misses the big possibility that there may be some actual pathogen which is evoking an emergency response. A pathogen going way back hundreds of millions of years. Hmmm... What kind of pathogens were around then? Nascent viri. Sulphur dioxide. Micoplasma. And - fungi... like, Yeast Infections! But, no one takes Candida Albicans seriously - even though its sister, Candida Aurens(sp??), is now being heralded as the latest threat to civilisation.
Another idea offered in an article was that it takes more energy to relax than to react. This is counter-intuitive, and also very interesting, theoretically. But, I don't know if this only applies to people w/ CFS, who try like Sisyphus to pump calcium out of their cells, in order to relax, but who keep failing, falling back, down the hill, down the waterspout. Just like me. Anyway, these cell dynamics are a possible link to rigor mortis. I really wish I had a restored brain, where I could study these things for extended periods, instead of having it all wiped blank, over and over again. Which is why I write what I can down in this excuse for a journal.
Meanwhile, lounging, watching a movie or two - even though I couldn't even do that, yesterday... One was, "School of Rock." Not up to criticising it right now. Bleh. It is very dark, in this comforter-blanketted bedroom. Severe thunderstorm time, which is great. Perfect day suited to my torment.
I've had big ideas to post soon - keep getting put off. Keep expanding. Spilling into other 'disciplines', like into the whole series about Time. When everything is connected, it becomes difficult to figure out where to include which concept. These are the troublings of a madman.