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* - galaxy

Brain In-sane

Posted on 2019.05.20 at 13:13
Musique actuelle: H&O; NPR
Tags: , , ,
The brain/dementia pain is still there today, but not as much - and today I actually have the ability to think and do things.  During relapses, or such, I can look at a darkening sink-ful of dishes, etc., and I SEE it, and I realize it is defined as, "a mess,' but I have zero feeling about it, as to washing it, even  if I had the energy to do so.  I have no concern or 'empathy' about the situation - it is as relevant to me as a photo from the civil war.  Old, flat, black and white, alien and insubstantial.

This is because, similar to people w/ Alzheimers, depression, or depersonalisation disorder, people w/ CFS, (and related), regularly lose their brain's 'executive function', which is associated with the frontal cortex, etc., the most recent brain area evolution in humans.  The region is concerned with planning and rewards - or choice and advance into some future.  When that area is not receiving oxygen or glucose, or is blocked by something else, then the owner of the brain can look at something and FEEL nothing for it, no relevance.  That is why I also lose compassion for people, as well - while compassion otherwise helps define who I am.

Memory, attention, and executive function in chronic fatigue syndrome.

Without a feeling for relevance, then there is no procession into planning, use, cleaning, control.  It is like someone losing interest in an addiction once the dopamine is cut, but this is where a person loses interest in normalcy, because all chemicals are cut, (relatively).  Meanwhile, the brain is inflamed, and this forces the baser, limbic areas to take control.  And that means: stress, reactivity, anger/fear, fight-or-flight.

Managing this physical anxiety while in relapse is done by people people, light, sound, responsibilities, exertion, calories, etc., from one's environment, until time and sleep eventually makes things sufficiently better.

So, now I am ready to get a few things done.  Catching up, basically.  How sad that I should rejoice in washing dishes, when what I really deserve to do is to get caught up in lost DECADES of my life.  Which is why, for me, rainy days are the best.  Because.  Everyone else is.  Slowing.  Down.

[Note: And yes, some scientists are seeing a possible prion involvement in CFS, (and related), similar to degenerative brain diseases like Mad Cow and Alzheimers].

Look at this place to live-in...  It is too expensive for me, unless it is HUD subsidized.  But I also have other concerns.  However, it is pretty great - if legit - and it very near to Shampoo-Banana!  Click pic:



Note: I am going to tell LL about the concussions this house has been giving me; to fix/paint the front steps, and how the insane man downstairs wages his attacks because, just like the Nethers did - HE SMOKES POT AND GETS PARANOID AND FREAKISH. So glad that, as I continue living in this hell of silence, people have tagetted me as being nuts instead. It reminds me of, "What Will People Say?" where the daughter was sent from Norway to Istanbul to experience her family's culture. She was basically raped, for the purpose of shaming and exploiting her for money, and the family she was staying with subsequently threw her out in disgrace, afraid of what people would think of them. Well, who ever takes the big picture look and reveals: "IT IS THE ENTIRE SOCIETY WHICH IS FUCKED UP!"?

Comments:


divinelyelegant
divinelyelegant at 2019-05-22 07:10 (UTC) (Lien)

Rejoice in doing dishes... so much yes. I COMPLETELY understand. I’ve nearly finished my first hard copy book that I’ve started reading. First one ever for 5 years because the fine motor and weight required to turn and hold pages open is too much. Thank god for iBooks but they’re just not the same as physically holding a book and getting away from screens.

where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2019-05-22 07:34 (UTC) (Lien)

Night On Earth

It pains me that you have these difficulties. But great, finishing the book! It has been years since I've read a fiction book, cuz of my own special problems. Dealing with bright computer screen is another one.

Speaking of pains in the neck, I had very bad and strange pain in the back of neck, and shoulders. Very intense. Unable to lift head while in bed. I am thinking this was the FMS part of my CFS speaking. Lots of sleep and magnesium eventually took care of it, mostly. Maybe magnesium (w/vitamin C) will help you.

Ever seen, "Night On Earth" (movie 1991)? I just now watched it, (again). Great movie. Now I must rest this migraine a bit and take my dog out - 2:30am.

I always appreciate your comments. I hope the bridesmaid issue is resolving. Take care!
divinelyelegant
divinelyelegant at 2019-05-22 07:42 (UTC) (Lien)

Thank you. I bought a book holder on eBay which has helped, but I’ve figured out old small books are okay as they’re so used to being opened.

I’m sorry to hear your intense neck pain, but great you found a solution or at least something that helped soothe it. I’ve tried magnesium previously, good idea I might try it again. Had a bit of a flareup so worth a try. Women’s times seem to be the worst for some reason. Hope that’s not tmi.

Never heard of it actually, I’ll see if I can find it.

Thank you, and I you. Thank you- that’s kind of you to remember. That resolved but we had another spat last night, but again at this time of month I may be over sensitive and she knew she was in the wrong too this time.

Hope you get some good rest. Oh- are you on any other social platforms?

divinelyelegant
divinelyelegant at 2019-05-22 08:17 (UTC) (Lien)

Ps I meant to add have you looked into audiobook apps? That’s where I get my reading fix these days. Nearly finished Frankenstein.

where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2019-05-22 17:38 (UTC) (Lien)
Thanks. I think I might look into audiobooks at the library. Only for a few really important books to me, though. I have 2-3 radio stations going at once here, lol. But I don't think I could do a lot of audiobooks, because that 'depersonalisation' thing I posted about would interfere w/ deep enjoyment, or, if I was well enough to enjoy, I would tend to get antsy to do other things. But, I'm sure there is a sweet spot in between where audiobooks would be good.

Well, some time ago, I was on a lot of social media. But today I just have a number of LJs, and am on DreamWidth, where you can add 'madman101' - although I haven't been there for a while, mainly due to my firewall. I long ago blocked anything to do w/ Facebook. I could pick up my Twitter again, maybe, idk. I wasn't able to do tumblr. What do platform do you suggest I pick up? I will, if my firewall lets me. Maybe I will look at my notes and post various platforms I am supposedly on. Although - some passwords are lost. I have regretted that I cannot call folks overseas for free. And my dial-up won't do Skype. But I may get new internet ~soon.

(Funny - if you see on my LJ profile, someone actually stole my old MySpace. I have a less-real MySpace, but haven't gotten the pw right).

Magnesium citrate, or magnesium malate, are the best, although more expensive.

Yesterday, I was reading about CFS and was reminded that some scientists think that, because CFS and FMS appears to predominantly hit women, they might be associated with hormones in some ways. I think this is possible, but there is also the fact that a lot of men don't want to show themselves as having an illness everyone thinks is wimpy.

But it is possible that some other illness could be related to your hormones. I think lupus, e.g., is hormone-sensitive - but I am not saying you have lupus(!) And, there might be other things to consider, besides FMS or arthritis, like MD or https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle_Disease.

Sorry this ends on a down note. Just thinking, not trying to scare you! Good that the friend situation is ~working out. Although, I think you could use a body guard or interpreter or something to do you bidding. Ciao!
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