"It made me feel so disgusting to think that I felt so disgusting." - Someone who never met B. Franklin.
Ben Franklin Deposed to Leper Colony for Extending Unwanted Hand
Self-made inventor, entrepreneur and wise guy, Benjamin Franklin, was deposed to Guantanamo Bay Leper Colony yesterday under accusations that he made unwanted advances on power-smitten kittens, allegedly including kisses, a helping hand and, on one occasion, a plate of suspicious Jello. During the Bush Administration, Franklin was known to attend parties for extremely old and dead people in which he is said to have mentioned sex and evolution while telling risque jokes to adoring neophytes. One traumatised victim, now involved in a wide class-action suit, recalls Franklin once saying to him, "If you won't go away then at least pull my thumb." Other celebrities named in the law suit filed in New York District Court were Hans Christian Andersen, Milly Vanilli and various Star Wars Characters with numerous associations with Hollywood and probably that Harvey Weinstein guy. Franklin, already dead, said he was not bothered by the suit since he knows a little voodoo magic and a lot more about electricity. Pressed to explain his scandalous, Scarlet Letter behaviour, Franklin said, "What can I say? Like the blues song says, 'Ain't nobody perfect cuz ain't nobody free.' I think, at some point in our lives, every one of us has been abused by a priest and is as loony as a bat by now, right?" Donald Trump refused to comment, saying, "Ben was absolutely fantastic and he will be greatly missed rotting away in Guantanamo, let me tell you. We are doing everything we can do. Seriously. This is a great story. Keep your eyes on this story. Ben Franklin is an American icon, unlike Stormy Daniels, or Rudy Giuliani in drag. I support Ben Franklin's America and he should be ashamed. Really ashamed. I'm looking into it. Who is Ben Franklin? That black guy?" Barack Obama immediately held a news conference declaring that he was still born in Hawaii, and calling for the dismantling of Benjamin Franklin statues around the country in a peaceful, loving, self-important manner.