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Buckingham Palace's pastry chef has revealed the secret recipe behind the mince pies enjoyed by the royal family (pictured)

The Queen's pastry chef reveals secret recipe behind the mince pies served at Buckingham Palace - including a filling that's made MONTHS in advance

'tis the season to break out the spiced wassail, mince pies, bread pudding, fruitcake and pumpkin pie! And don't forget the eggnog! 'tis the season to imbibe in the spirit of joy and kindness, filling up your soul like the sacred ambrosia of life itself, purple and dark red, dripping from your mouth, until you pop like an genetically handicapped fly. Let's all eat cake! Get your holiday recipes from the Queen herself, who happens to live an alternate life. "The Queen is a Reptilian who eats Human Babies & Children." God save the Queen because apparently she is really going to need it.

No, seriously. Love ya, Lizzie!

I bet none of you knew this, but madman is an actual subject of Her Majesty the Queen, and may travel with ease throughout the Commonwealth, if he could get out of bed long enough... I'm not joking. Why do you always think I'm joking?!

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