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juillet 2018   01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31
Me-knock-a-may-me:


I've got $40 to get me through to the beginning of next month, plus $20 extra for food. I mistakenly told you that I would be out shopping and wining today - I was confused. Today was actually the day when my LL delivered the 'free' turkey - this morning at 7:45am. My dog barked impressively. Once again, it is a 13# turkey, even though they supposedly give out turkeys only 10-12#. The two pizza's are great, except the cheese on one, in particular, is way too browned, giving my head visions of heart attacks dancing.

Because of the pizzas, and the latest batch of dog food, and everything else, including the bird which I could barely squeeze in, my fridge will find it impossible to hold a second turkey. Neither can my budget, (refer to above information above referenced up there), support a second turkey or even turkey alimony. Is this what having a baby is like?

Anyway, my well-imagined day of shopping and wining will be this Tuesday, after I see the doctor. I need lots of chocolate*, (for my morning mochae), plus onion** for the stuffing***. I already have a lot of dark green prepubescent celery left over from the days of farmers' markets. Celery can last for a long time, especially if you do it right****. It rivals cabbage, celery and fruitcake.

It could be very easy to spend most of my last $60 - including on cheap DVDs and wine and maybe even a theatre movie - meaning that I may not be able to do anything the next Tuesday. Normally, I go shopping, Goodwilling, wining + laundry on the last Tuesday of the month. Why am I so poor this month? Mainly because I bought an AC this year, and made my final payment of $70 this month. Besides that, I have been lagging behind because of the following:

- this year, I bought my wonderful white picnic table, a little radio, a giant beach towel - and regular-priced dog treats, which are so expensive. The dog also costs me a lot in other regular expenses, of course, including food, topicals/medicine, and a $20/yr. city fee. I think I might also have bought two new pairs of shoes this year but that might have been last year.

- I have been buying cheap DVDs, CDs and books - not a lot, at all, but it adds up.

- I have been getting into a habit of going to the movie theatre. Snowden is to blame. If I were to go every week, that would cost me $20/mo., but I usually don't go as much as that. I've heard that the theatre has amazing nachos and I want to try them sometime. I'd be willing to spend money on concessions if they'd just put in some comfortable seats, fcol.

- Guess what bills have gone up. My monthly storage unit in Ye Olde City, which started off at $50/mo. is now $60/mo. My bank started charging me $7/mo. as a service fee. Through my LL, there is now a $25/yr. fee on every renter in town - which clearly hits the poor the hardest but who's counting? (that's in addition to my actual rent going up $3/mo). My formerly cheap dial-up service has gone up about $5/mo. The monthly city water charge has gone up a severe amount for everyone, most significantly the poor - it's like an extra $10/mo. for me! Then, I paid more for electricity because of my use of the new AC. But, I tell you, it was either an AC or death to me and dog, right?

= Adding up just the known bill-increases, the amount comes to about $37/mo. More. The gas company keeps trying to raise my regular bill every year and I have to yell at them every year so they bring it back down.

- Farmer's markets! Fresh eggs, Swiss chard, kale, tomatoes, etc. These things can't be paid for via LINK ("food stamps"). There is an experimental programme starting in Illinois, applying to only 1,000 people right now, where folks can use their link cards to buy organic produce - but I don't see that programme being able to ever extend to small town farmers' markets.

- Wine! Wine is also out-of-pocket. Even though I went out of my way, this year, to pay the absolute minimum for wine, I have also been experimenting with GF beer, because the sugar/calories in wine just make me so ill. But, GF (fucking) beer costs at least $10 a six-pack. I don't think once a week is asking too much on this front, considering my life sucks so majorly.

- The little things add up. Like bus fare. Just to go one place costs me $6 for the round-trip, which is insane, if you compare that to $2 in Ye Olde City. New socks, things for kitchen, a new carpet cut for the hallway, grass-seed, cleaning supplies, beddings, supplements, baking soda, etc. Livejournal, lol.

I have another $56/mo. bill which is more than it used to be. Granted, I would not have been able to afford anything but homelessness and certain death of it were not for government assistance. But, I would remind anyone that I am really significantly disabled, and I paid into my Social Security: Social Security is NOT a hand-out, or a redistribution, it is low-risk, popular 'insurance' - or more like a socially hospitable savings account.

In our economy, rents and houses cost far too much relative to incomes, except for the professionals, the techies and the rich. While some other costs have not been going up exorbitantly, like food or gasoline(?), other things HAVE, like needed cellphones or computer expenses; car expenses; medical costs; supplements; etc., and many of the things mentioned above, like bills. However, Social Security does not factor in these inflations when it calculates how much to increase each recipient's annual increase on his/her benefit.

I mentioned that my bills alone are at least $37/mo. more this year. I believe my increase in Social Security payments will be $14/mo. next year.

With Social Security / SSI (disability), I earn the least amount compared to most people on Social Security, who earn at least twice as much as me. Can you believe that? I am not just below the poverty line, I am like underground, buried, and out of sight. I literally make as much money, (in adjusted dollars), as a poor black share-cropper in Mississippi in 1963! I did the math. You want to talk about slavery?

Para, FDR: "No one is free who is not economically free."

(And, if money is freedom of speech, then I guess I don't have that right).

And the USA dollars devoted to research on CFS/treatments? VIRTUALLY NOTHING, compared to sexier illnesses, like whatever - look it up. I'm sure its in my tags somewhere...

What happens to the people you know, when you get hit by this shit? Gone, gone, gone.

What happens to you when you move into the best cockroach-infested neighbourhood you can afford, trying to be INDEPENDENT? Harassed, harassed, harassed - and shafted.

Patronised by professionals and social workers, looking away, based on the imaginary marks on your credit rating or your future or your face...

"Everything I've ever done... Every place I'm going to..."

"It's a sin!"


[Edit]: Is it any wonder that, when misfortunate people move into dysfunctional neighbourhoods, they are plagued by slamming doors, stomping shoes, banging on the walls, passive aggressive nonsense on their porches, etc. What would some Veteran w/ bad sleep and PTSD consider doing? Is it any wonder we have all these shooters lashing out at society and no one even wants to talk about mental illness, at the very least? Or about poverty, Social Security, traumatic wars in the Middle East, ill-prescribed drug cocktails, or FBI entrapments which turn into false-flag catastrophes? No, all of these are non-status-quo, ergo: conspiracy theories. Individual alienation leading to social unrest is a conspiracy theory. All conspiracies are theories - and therefore false, lol.

[I guess I need to make a note here, for a few trouble-seeking readers: I myself have zero inclinations or intentions of carrying on like a PTSD Vet, as in the paragraph above. I only squeezed that paragraph in at the last minute as I was finalising this post. The point the paragraph is supposed to make is that this country is full of crazy people, including the people who drive PTSD Vets crazy, like average everyday cowardly sheeple bully-wannabe closet-psychopaths, raised on an ethic of absolute, divine, petty competition at all costs, barring getting caught. And let it be known that, as a kid, I almost WORSHIPPED the FBI, so].


If this mini-biography doesn't give you an idea of where are the priorities of this great country, then you need to lose weight, because you have been drinking too much KoolAid. (Note that I do not just address my posts to beloved LJ friends, who care, but also to jackenapes who happen by from Russia, or wherever. Most of my readers just fade into the obscurity of chaos).

On the other hand, I have enough to be thankful - (except that I am incapable of feeling anything human, including thankfulness, when I am in a relapse, fatigue or a migraine). I have been able to build up my food supply, to where my fridge and freezers are packed, and I have endless canned food, and dried beans, rice, peas, etc. I have been able to do this only with the addition of LINK and food pantries.

I have three "beds" and an endless supply of comforters and throws. I have my buddy, the dog, sometimes referred to as annoying. I have NPR on one or two radios. I have golden oldies on 2-4 radios. I have talk radio. I have computah internets. Sometimes I have time to putter, or to cook, or to walk, or to write. Perchance to dream.

It's just that - when I think about it - I realise that I am decades behind in my life - in light-years - and I only progress in things like buying more TP or cleaning my dog's water bowl. It sometimes drives me so - idk - when the very thing that was my major tool in my chosen career - my MIND - is so continuously impaired beyond use, for hours and hours, and so days and so years.

So, I have to do what I can just to keep thinking and building ideas and writing. Too bad so much time is spent on this when maybe it would be better to spend it on finding a plan of getting out of this place before I get shot.

I'm an evil white male. I am responsible for mass rape by Big Pharma, and Big Everything Else. I killed all the Indians. I started slavery 500 years before I was born. Thank goodness I'll never be president because I wasn't even born here. Good thing we elect crazy billionaires to represent and disappoint all the other poor white males. Makes perfect sense to me.

* - Chocolate: I either buy sugar-free dark chocolate powder, or I ferment any chocolate which has sugar, including Halloween Candy.

** - Onion: I have been avoiding onions on the theory/s that they either irritate my intestines or am actually sensitive or allergic to them. I still haven't figured this one out. But I cannot imagine stuffing w/o onions, so.

*** - Stuffing: GF. I already have enough GF bread, etc., for this. Sage. Plus the dark green prepubescent celery.

**** - Extending the life of celery, by madman101: You can do this for a lot of veggies. Wash. Slice away just the brown part at the bottom of the stalk. Enclose in long plastic veggie bag, w/ a tiny bit of water in it. Squeeze out most of the air while taking a long, deep breath. Pause. Exhale your CO2 into the bag and seal it with a twist-tie, (unless you want to add another breath). Sit it tops-up, like it is in a garden - you can use some tall container to help keep it up - or not. Keep it that way in your fridge. Occasionally, and at first, you maybe want to take it out and sit it in your kitchen in soft sunlight for a day or so, and then return it into its own frigid hell. You will see it grow nice new tops fairly soon. Note that some veggies, (like spinach leaves), will simply use up all their chlorophyll when you try this with them, because they are on the verge of death, the destroyer of all. Note that most all veggies are still alive, and love to be cared for in this way. Sing to them. Discuss Heidegger. Bring them gizzards. But, for god's sake, keep them away from NPR.


"High Hopes" - Frank Sinatra

Next time your found, with your chin on the ground
There a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant

But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes
He's got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your gettin' low
'Stead of lettin' go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

When troubles call, and your back's to the wall
There's a lot to be learned, that wall could fall

Once there was a silly old ram
Thought he'd punch a hole in a dam
No one could make that ram, scram
He kept buttin' that dam

'Cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes
He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your feelin' bad
'Stead of feelin' sad
Just remember that ram
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam

All problem's just a toy balloon
They'll be bursted soon
They're just bound to go pop
Oops there goes another problem kerplop
Oops there goes another problem kerplop
Oops there goes another problem kerplop, kerlpop


Songwriters: JIMMY VAN HEUSEN, SAMMY CAHN © BARTON MUSIC CORPORATION For non-commercial use only. Data from: LyricFind

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