September 2nd, 2020

Teaching during a Pandemic

I am a first-time teacher, excluding my months of experience as an ESL teacher. I am teaching online. Back then, I thought teachers are always in control of everything. They have control over their lessons and they have control over everything that happens in a classroom. As I get to know the profession, however, the wall of misconceptions I built during my childhood crumble, one dirt at a time until all the rocks and hardened mud falls apart. 

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Gonna be a long apocalypse

Countdown to November

The election is almost two months away. Ah, how it seems like only yesterday we were watching Hillary admit that, once again, her ‘turn’ would be denied to her…again. Good times, good times.

You know, one of the things we used to pride ourselves on as a nation was that, unlike many other countries, when our government changed hands it was usually not accompanied by civil disturbances and gunfire. Funny how times change.

It’s a safe bet that no matter who wins, there’s going to be some ugliness. And, whoever doesn’t win will see their ‘side’ even more energized, galvanized, incentivized, and polarized than before.

Whats going to happen in two months and a couple days? Beats me. But I’d expect that there’s going to be a bit more of these ‘demonstrations’/’rallys’ where someone initiates a bullet party and the hand-wringing reaches epic levels.

Hats and bats. The latest in election year fashions.

This is about the point in the post where I’d say something like “Be ready for some sort of civil disorder”, “Get your magazines and AR lowers now”, or “Be ready for the market to drop like a rock”. But, I’m not going to say that. Honestly, if you haven’t come to those conclusions on your own by now you probably deserve whats going to happen to you. The greatest likelihood is that there will be a few ‘demonstrations’ cough*riots*cough with a few severe beatings and deaths, the market will yo-yo a bit, and you still won’t be able to buy .223 with a handful of hundred dollar bills. That’s the likely outcome. But, as survivalists, we try to prepare for the alternative outcomes. Only you know what you need to do between now and November; go out and do it.

I hate my brain.

I'm kind of sick of having to live with my own brain. I always have to verbalise things or express myself outwardly so I can feel any kind of relief from my thoughts. Obviously I am well adjusted socially so I do these things in an appropriate manner. BUT I wish I could just talk non stop to someone until I was DONE. I saw somewhere that this could be a bit of an ADHD thing (I was diagnosed a long time ago — high school — but I manage quite well). 

I feel like I'll explode when I can't. 

I am always anxious or frustrated or down or high (not bipolar like but just so excited to have like two good mental health days in a row where I feel like I have my shit together physically, emotionally AND mentally). Life is about ups and downs and nobody is ever just TOTALLY HAPPY AND CONTENT 24/7. But I'd like to feel NORMAL for a much longer time in a row! 

I honestly think that winter has kicked my arse. If I break it down, I have compassion for myself and everything makes sense. Less vitamin D. A 2 year old daughter who cries in the night when it rains (which can be a lot lately). Winter illness (not COVID — promise). Less social plans. My usual battle with my accumulated relationship traumas. Having an 8 year old who sometimes struggles at school (possible ADHD himself). Being a SAHM while close friends are returning to work (I don't want to go back yet but I feel a little lonelier and maybe a bit of irrational FOMO). 

2020 in general LOL. 

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* - Elephant of Life

turning want into food

Another bad day, turning into a good one.  Still doing garlic therapy.  Ha a nap.  Awoke as if drunk, demented, clogged up head.  Took hours and hours to push that away.  But this is good.  I believe this is the end process of finally clearing out what I believe is yeast in the blood and, if not in the brain, then resulting toxins in the brain.  Whatever the agent, a massive immune system reaction is involved, chronically.  And yeast not only makes formaldehyde, vinegar, acetaldehyde, but also alcohol, which explains a little of the drunkness.   Not a good experience tho.  Did get a small amount of irrelevant online stuff done.

I am all out of nuts and seeds - my mainstays.  No bread or tamales.  Just a few things left.  Most of the canned food is green beans or corn, because this is the Midwest.  Corn is usually GMO, w/ added glyphosate and mercury, plus sugar, and virtually no nutrition.  But my survival cornbread is still going strong.  I have quick oats.  Mind you, not only have I been missing a lot of shopping due to COVID.  I have also been deliberately trying to exhaust food resources, esp. canned and frozen.  Why?  It's a bugger to transport that during a move, so.

Anyway, with no prospects for a dinner, I decided to reward myself, recovering, with a full meat and potatoes meal.  How?  There were two big cans of expired chicken from the Mennonites, so delicious, (but their turkey is to die for), in the pantry.  So, I opened one of those.  There was a can of small potatae, used that.  And, although the cabbage was beginning to go bad, I used some of that and boiled the rest.  Heated/fried them all up in a pan, (no oil), and there it was - a wonderful meal.  Garlic, salt and pepper - and ketchup on the potatae.  So good!  Had a little piece of survival cornbread for desert, and washed it down with my fermented veggie juice.  Ta da!

So, I do expect I may be able to shop tomorrow.  Unfortunately, countless other people will be out shopping, as they also got SNAP benefits and SSI on Sept. 1, and SSA  tomorrow.  I may get 2 pizzas.  Also need more stuff to treat a new mite infection on dog.  Then, Saturday will be the next jaunt.  IF indeed I am recovering, then that should be possible.  Will also use library WiFi.  Had a wee run in w/ that old man again, today.  Will write about that tomorrow.  May style it for presentation in letter to LL, as well.  Later.  Stay well.  PS - I missed Master Chef eliminating my beloved Bri!

For CFS diary: This is almost the end of a relapse stint that must have begun ~6 days ago?