March 11th, 2020

* - galaxy

Boys I Missed

I thought I would do a post about, "Girls I Missed," but first will do a post on, "Boys I Missed," because this is so much briefer, and easier to write.

I'm sure there have been many little "suggestives" from various guys in the past.  Like when I worked for a gay magazine, I got them from the Editor, (in whom's house I worked), and from the guy whom's position I was replacing.  And, you know, guys at parties.  I remember one kinda loser guy I was talking to at a party, once, and suddenly smelt a waft of you-know-what.  From him.  Not that that meant anything, it was just weird.  Anyway, having gone through 12 years of catholic school, I carried a personality that was not especially in tune with gay sympathies.  I spent a month out west in a car with three guy friends and never once did the thought of homosexual calisthenics cross my mind.

However, while I was working at that magazine, I was approached by more than one guy, probably assuming I was gay because of my job.  The only time I remember, though, is when I was working late at the graphics studio downtown.  The boss had gone, and I was left with some guy from Saint Louis, for some reason.  He talked to me while I sat at a computer.  Then he went off and started closing all the blinds of the store.  Then he came back and started making intimations, while he pressed himself up against me.  If you know what I mean.  He offered me a ride home - and sex, or something.  While I was in the car, I chattered on about how I would consider having sex with him and HIS WIFE.  This turned him off.  Which was exactly what I intended - and got me my ride home.  Even if I were gay, I would have had nothing to do with someone cheating on his spouse.  I mean, something was clearly wrong with this guy to begin with, right?  "I came up to Madison... for the Love..."  I don't like people from Saint Louis.

Another time was when I was in a bookstore with a gay friend, and he was trying to get me to drool over naked pics of muscled men in magazines.  He was just prodding me, "Don't you see how amazing they look?!"  I didn't see them the same way he did.  And it bothered me that he got MAD at me for not going along with it.  That's blaming someone for their sexuality - just like straights do to gays, am I wrong??  At about the same time, I got that invite for sex from a large lesbian, but that really isn't a guy....

Most of you remember the Crazy Gay Guy on the Corner, in Ye Olde City.  Long ago, as a kid, I was playing in the dirt, making roads for tiny trucks, etc.  This older dude comes up and starts playing with me.  I believe this was said Crazy Gay Guy.  My father put an end to his visits.  But, later in life, he returned.  At some point, he sat down with me on my front porch steps, talked softly, and put his hand on my lap.  I showed no response, and so he removed his hand.  After that, he turned into a complete NAZI.  Look at NAZI history, btw.  You will see some correlations.

There are many similarities between present-day A-hole Guy and Crazy Gay Guy of yore.  They both tried to take over other people's yards, blamed me for any damned thing, and so on.  Well, after A-hole Guy yelled at me, last year, and I forced him to sit down and shut up, he sat next to me and suddenly started talking to me in this low, soft voice, like he was gay.  Amazing to me.  He never made any kind of move.  But this guy, who was a minute ago a complete asshole, was now acting like my best and most caring buddy.  It is probable that he is a closet gay.  Or that his megalomaniacal control pathos, which includes dominating females via sex, naturally extends to dominating anything, via whatever means possible.  For him that means that anything he dominates, or anything which seems intimate, turns him on.  Disgusting.  Hitler used to get woodies - and you-know-what - when he gave his insane speeches to the masses.  If that isn't a porn fetish, what is?

Oh - when I was a kid - I guess I drank too much at my sister's wedding, and I made an emotional scene.  I do regret that, so much.  But, later that night, I was crying, and my father came into my room.  One of the only times he ever paid any real attention to me.  Turned out my crying made him hard.  So, I guess he left in embarrassment.  Men.  Some of them just don't have themselves together, in that department, at least.  I have already written about the incident over the pedophile priest, which never got near enough to me - or my little brother - to cause any harm.  But, I will add that I grew up in a very dark, sheltered, and silently oppressive home, not to mention my father scaring the shit out of the kids at times, and I didn't know north from south when it came to sexuality.  Earlier years in my life - I was very confused.  But, I wasn't gay.  I can see some guys turning gay because they went through such an upbringing.  And, then, half of it is genetic.  So, I don't have blame for anyone.  It's a crazy, hypocritical, Purityranical country.  Except for Lola.  Maybe I would have been fine if I had been left in Australia.  Although, I have heard that all the guys down there are Sheilas.