November 19th, 2019

ME - HeadBed

Repairing in mid-flight.

Day 8(?)

Central 'headache' seemed gone, but actually continues deeply.  Came and went in waves.  Did a deep bath, and lots of relax time, including small nap recently.  Now, headache shows itself, and I am trying to meditate oxygen into it.  Slowly but surely, this is how it regresses.  Along w/ fatigue, and associated small 'tooth infection'.  As usual, occult inflammation extends to heart.  Not just a neural connexion.  So, now I am reaching back to the time before Halloween, when I had that chest cold, made worse by the dust from sweeping the stairs, which caused a lot of sneezing, etc.  I can feel my lungs starting to get back to resolving all that, finally.  Talk about cumulative.  Hypothetically, I am to do a long trek tomorrow, and maybe bushes.  I badly need to buy some magnesium, my primary supplement, before I end up cramping out.  Heart in need, as well.  Looks like next Monday could be the 'rain-day'.  On the way, tomorrow, stopping at vet, F&F, before Box Stores.  Not sure if this will happen.  But I am recovering.  I need to eat the pizza in my fridge before it dies on me.  Have been expecting to make burritos, but keep delaying due to brain weather.  Main things I have done: is make more Kombucha, magic milk, fermented 'V8', and coffee.  And salad.  Gotta have my nitrogen.  Ready for sleep again...  Such an adventure...

While all else fails - or on back-burner... 

LJ Idol - Week 7 - Feckless

I live in a home with two people with ADHD, one person with ADD, and two people (including myself) with depression. Our daily life is HARD. Everyone is on medication. Most days, I feel like all my efforts are for naught. We've enlisted the help of therapists and doctors for everyone to help manage our mental health. Most days it seems like everyone in our home can be described as feckless. Who thought that we should be parents? Why did we decide to be parents? It was definitely irresponsible of us to have children given our pre-existing conditions.

We try to make the best of our situation. Most days, however, I want to scream and cry and run away. My weeknights are filled with screaming matches over homework, trips to therapy, monthly appointments with the psychiatrist. Every day I worry whether or not I will get phone calls from my son's school due to his behavior. My off Fridays are filled with my own therapy appointments, shopping, and self-care.

Day by day, we work on building ourselves a happy and healthy life for ourselves and for our children. On the surface, it looks like we are being irresponsible. Deep down, we are trying HARD. One day, I know that my kids will be self-sufficient and that my husband and I will finally have some clarity to look at life through the eyes of responsible people. But for now, we are managing. Still irresponsible a lot of the time, especially with money. But the right idea is there. We are working on it.

Keep going.
Every day.
Don't stop pushing.
Our kids are counting on us!