June 10th, 2018

spliff mon

Greetings From Helltopia

So, in keeping with the End of Days, my internet plague continues to drive me into extinction. But, alas, I am online NOW, right? Actually, I am writing this offline, cuz of said problems. Which are this: Luckilly, when I turned on my computer a few days ago, it restored to me my whole configuration plus documents. I have discerned that I am infected by an active virus, (trojan), same as it ever was. It is bringing in the hacker/s. Previously, I would see them show up in my firewall, and I would simply race to block their IP. NOW, however, they have successfully managed to mess w/ my computer enough so that as soon as they drop by, they simply disconnect me from the internet. After a whole lot of problems actually logging on to the internet, including no list of available connections(!), I can finally log on - but then I get disconnected a few minutes later. It is all very time consuming. Tonight, I finally accessed my LJ fpage. But as far as reading all posts, viewing pics, commenting, or posting - these w9ill be severely limitted for now. I also experience a full slow-down, because NlaSvc (and so SvcHst.exe) is eating up 100% of my CPU! That is the trojan at work.

This game that has been waged upon me has happened before. This time, I am 100% certain that it involves, shall we say, "rogue intellectuals," which is a nice way of saying, "Big Brother." I have posted things in the past which set them off. Once, I believe it was my very popular SoftPorn filter, and my risque MySpace account, which had 4,000 followers. I guess they had moral objections to the harmless fun we were having, because boring, idle rich people have nothing better to do than to busybody people they don't know up the ass. But, they seem to attack me more for political views. They apparently blew up my laptop a few years ago just when I was deeply researching the fakery called ISIS, corruption involving Navy Seals, and other graft concerning the Middle East, Oil, War, and/or Hillary Clinton. Even a bot can spot certain words in your posts or your transmits, and then tag you for watching, or simply attack you outright. And, it isn't like I am constantly berating Trump, or Obama, or whomever. All it takes is one or two outlandish posts, and you get on a list. I have been a target since forever. They have (character-)assassinated would-be presidential candidates; and popular cross-over blacks; genetic, biological, naturopathic and computer scientists, as thay have also continued to destabilise and destroy foreign countries and leaders. So, they don't take any time to ponder moral considerations when it comes with fucking with small fry like you and me. It's just the order of the day. Everybody's is a potential gold mine - I mean land mine - I mean TERROR SUSPECT. It's an all-expense-payed infinite game of whack a mole while the planet itself is coming apart at the seams. A tad unseemly, methinks. Get a life, Ferret!

Enough of that. I have continued to be stalked by severe fatigue, most of the time. But I managed to go shopping on Friday. Groceries - then I hauled my haul all the way to Shopko, where I bought $120 of stuff, which is a lot for me. That included one tan bathtowel w/ two matching handtowels, and one grey bathtowel w/ two matching handtowels - so I now have a very Aussie scheme, with the addition of a few of my own towels that blend in perfectly. I should have been gay. I also bouth a nice little table that folds up so you can carry it w/ one hand. Several supplements; a pillow; dog and human treats; but not one piece of clothing or shoes, which had been my original inspiration. But even cheap clothes cost to much. I just patiently acquire my wardrobe bit by bit, whenever something fantastic shows up at Goodwill. Anyway, even though I was Soooooo fatigued, I was haunted by attractive girls. It would have been great if I had been able to appreciate it. At the pizza shop, I did a little flirting, with a dash of Alfie and Crocodile Dundee thrown in. Very successful. As I threw my backpack and other bags back on, a man got up and raced to the door to hold it open for me. It's nice when I finally get respect from people, but I am usually SO. DAMN. TIRED. But, that day, I was inspired to push on along my trek, saddled with all my goods, just like Crocodile Dundee...

I was reminded of another Crocodile Dundee thing I did some days ago. I was returning home after seeing the movie, "Adrift," and a dog barked menacing at me. I asked him if he was tied up but he just kept barking, so I said goodbye. Further on, I crossed paths with a giant raccoon. Raccoons can be mean. I mean, if we are looking for terrorists, we should start right here at home with raccoons - and badgers. Opposums and squirrels can also be a fright. Thank goodness there are no pelicans around here. Anyway, I was thinking how I refused to be jinxed by animals, when this guy with two large pug-faced dogs approached on the sidewalk. Unlike anyone around here, instead of running out of the way, I approached them, made a little noise, and they jumped up on me, as I patted the underbelly of one. While this was happening, I looked up at the owner, who had shouted in alarm, and gave a nice big smile, whereupon he laughed in a really disconcerted way. So, I had tamed the beasts, like some kind of kangaroo-whisperer.

I like the times when I am able to read the quiet ques of animals. The other day, a sparrow flew right up "near" my dog, and then flew away to court a female sparrow - having proved how brave he was(!) I'll never forget the bird that chased a cat away from me and my dog, by screaming and flying at it. The cat had been sneaking up on us, having learnt that my dog is something of a lover-not-a-fighter. (Btw - N-Guy from downstair walked by a few days ago, while some other guy was perched on his porch as if to watch something go down. Meanwhile, a black female 'friend' stood in front of her house, cradling her baby. I am thinking she might have been on the phone/facebook, and found out that N-Guy was on his way to such-and-such me. It's not that I am paranoid and presumptious, it's just that this resembles actual scenarios of the past. Like the cat, my neighbour might have been trying to frighten away the attacker). Finally, I will never, ever forget that bird who was trying to get out of my chimney, just after a relative had died. I let it out. It few about in the bedroom a little, then it lighted upon a curtain and sat there. I faced it, speaking very softly. It eyed me intensely, as if it had taken on the spirit of my lost relative, seeing me for the last time. I approached the bird slowly, with an open box - and the bird just - DELIBERATELY - allowed me to place it in the box. A wild animal, acting in our estimation of, "tame." Then I took it outside and released it into the wind. Ta ta.

I was out with my dog yesterday. He was on his long leash, nearer to the street. A very strange construction vehicle drove by, loudly. It was rather tall. After that, my dog deliberately turned his head back and looked at me, as if to say, "Did you see what I saw?!" I laughed out loud. And the neighbours just don't know why.


An extremely fatigued day today. I spend so much time, lately, just trying to get my computer/internet to get moving, that my entire day runs behind schedule, and my cirdadian rhthm gets off-track, which is bad news for CFS. So, if I decide I have time for a movie at the end of my day, it could mean I don't get to bed until 1:am. Then, I have to take dog out a few hours later, hopefully NOT being pursued by my deranged neighbour below. It is very important to him to run into his living room and flash his light on and off, whenever I take my dog out in the morning - whether that be at 2:am or at 5:am. It would be reeeely nice to leave this crazy place...

Sorry for not commenting or posting anything of substance. You may have noticed that I am now reposting a lot of stuff. It is easier to do when I am ill, and it allows me to still get out some important meaningful propaganda. Spam. I don't know what to do about this journal's growth into a public blog, versus keeping LJ friends. I'll figure that out later. However, just as an example of how incapacitated I have been today, (etc.): A relative emailed me saying he and others wanted to buy me a car and pay for the insurance. But I have been just so ill, I have yet to resond to this. Therefore, don't think I am mad at you. And another thing: I really prefer to comment when I have my brain and heart togather so I really can listen and RESPOND to you appropriately and considerately and sensibly. So, sometimes it takes a while for me to get back to you, even If I continue to make posts.

A big prob w/ CFS cognitive difficulties is that incoming information, whcih includes analysis, gets hit the worst. More freely self-generated thought hangs on unless the relapse gets super bad. When I pull out of a relapse, I usually cook, then clean a little, then do some surface posting, then do some CREATIVE THINKING - THEN I can get around to understanding incoming info (better) again. I have given up on people in local society ever understanding that I am not mad at them, I am not a snob, etc., etc., I just have CFS. So, I live completely alone just to save me the expense of the consequent aggrevation.

I forget why I started this post.... I need to take a wee rest for now....