October 30th, 2012

eek - snarl / hiss

from my brain to yours

I suffer for you all, with my migraine full of blues. Here is a picture of my apartment, from the perspective of my brain: http://www.fantasysfblog.com/pics/cabin_in_the_woods_cool_poster.jpg. I just saw a wonderful apartment in CL for $390 on a vast farm, horses and dogs OK, rent negotiable, offered by some guy named JOE... I'm guarded. Nether Girl was outside calling me from her balcony. She said she wanted the house bommed cuz she is having more cockroaches than ever. She thought I was avoiding calls from the land people, trying to set up an appointment for said bomming. But she was mislead. In fact, the land people haven't been calling and they just want her gone. If she goes, that means downstairs will be nice and cold, and cockroaches will go away, cuz they ain't such a problem for me up here. This is a day after I left a message to the land people saying, "If you can just make her go away, that would be super." ha ha... Basically, I'm fine with waiting this out. She keeps talking about moving but never does, to quote my lady of land. Also, I've come to an assessment of the Nether people which is helpful to my sanity, thusly: SHE is OCD passive aggressive, and this is partly or all-ly related to her sickle cell. But it makes life a living hell for people she knows or lives around. She has paranoia and persecution complexes that may put her more in the schizophrenic category. And then issues of borderline personality, but this is common to schizophrenics. I'm just sticking to a definition of OCD/passive-aggressive. Works for me. Her boyfriend is clearly a narcissist with father issues. They are an explosive combination. I can whistle calmly and sometimes N-Girl has her dog so hyper-tuned that he barks constantly, and obediently freaks her out. This all sounds silly but really it has been hell. Her boyfriend has been sucked into her imaginary wars, and the banging and pounding and hatred etc. has come from both of them, but I can't separate all of this from their wars against each other. SHE apparently hates everyone. So frickin negative. And wants everyone to do things for her, but knows little about helping herself. It's really a shame. But not while I have a migraine it isn't.
* - Elephant of Life

cahokia 2012

the love that came from your parents
it is still there
because it never belonged to you
those days in childhood wonderment
they never end
they were not yours
you experience the dancing of the days
and love and imagination stays
and those days of strife and discord
unholy pain
exist
in so far as you rose above them
you are alive, again, are you not?
and now is the time
these are the days
you may walk boldly on, let nothing phase you
so long as you walk in the light of creation
you are innocent
and remain