December 13th, 2011

marx - groucho

100% Irish Blarney - part 1

Hitler was a Jew. It's true, it's true. In Americaland, if someone is 1/16th black, then that person is black. Or, at least, that's the way it's been until about 5 seconds ago. Well, Hitler's great-grandmother was Jewish, making him 1/16th Jewish - so, come on, he basically was a Jew, right? Well, that was the whole reason for his political mission in life, to symbolically exterminate that 1/16th in him which was Jewish. Serious. He was ashamed. Cuz the Jews were hated by all, because all were Christians, and Jews had to be rather crafty to survive in such a judgmental, chauvinistic culture.

Of course, the real reason for WWII was that the international banksters and corporateers, and down-right corporatist-fascists, came in and said to Hitler, "a, yeah, OK - we'll help you do that. We'll help you exterminate the Jews just as long as we get to build the streets and the tanks and the bombs and the ovens." They said this even though a lot of them were Jewish. And boy, they were on a mission to destroy the COMMIES, supported by Russia, cuz the Commies were cutting into a sizable portion - (maybe as much as 1/16!) - of what SHOULD have been their market share. They couldn't just leave well-enough-alone, (cuz they were chartered by the Christian GOD).

And WHAT DO YOU KNOW? A lot of the Commies happened to be Jewish too! At least the intelligentsia. Funny that both sides ended up purging the Jews, though, isn't it? (So much for the Jews ACTUALLY destroying civilisation). Meanwhile, the Germans were like, "OK. We are perfect absolutist Commies today." And then they're like, "OK. We are perfect absolutist fascists TODAY." Because, Germans like being perfect and absolute anything. "Just as long as it's for FATHERLAND!" And the Lutherans said, "Well, guys. So long as it works for ya! So long as you WORK - and make (us) MONEY - then you are SAVED! Just as long as you ain't no Jew or Catholic!"

And the Catholics are like, "It's OK to be Commies but we'll bugger you, and it's OK if you're fascists but we'll bugger you. Cuz, really, we know best of all."

Boy, yes-sirree-Bob, were those Germans EVER making lots and LOTS of money, proving they were SAVED! With savings accounts. In fact, they were making so much money that it took a MILLION MARX just to buy a parking sticker for your car. So, so much money, everywhere, that the money was worthless, and everyone looked around and said, "Hey, wait! Looks like we're Commies all of the sudden!"

And then the giant WARGASM proceeded, because nobody, essentially, knew what the HELL they were talking about. Just like today. Here come the planes. And Jews fell out of the sky just like the clothing fell in, "War of the Worlds." After that, everyone got around a table and said, "You were all evil, because you took orders." Just like today!

Marx was wrong. Communism is not the end result of unrestrained capitalism. War is.

I got a card the other day, which basically said, "Everything you say and do is wrong and morally repugnant. But I tolerate you because you are FAMILY." Fatherland. Money.

"And any time you mention the word 'POLITICAL,' we will vomit all over you. Because we know. We know your EVIL PLAN! You must be stopped, cuz you are worse than Hitler - I mean, Stalin! Love, always... Now leave us alone with our money and our homes..."

And our impending lack of WORK... and of savings...