I'm sorry. I make an effort to say what I feel. Don't mean nuthin. I like that about me. And you'll maybe like that about the guy you marry.
It's been going on for too long. It was easy. I thought it wasn't hurting anyone. I finally realised that the person I was really hurting was myself.
Yes - I have finally come to terms with my problem: I am addicted to water. I love water - I crave water - in everything I eat or drink. But now this madness is over. And I thank the Las Vegas Conservation District for it's wonderful ad campaign convincing me to stop drinking, which was so artfully enacted by the Thoroughly Modern Mormans theatre troop. I will never again take another sip of the Colorado River, thanks to all of their concern. I am a New man - (Alfred E., to be precise) - and I cast away all things watery. I have joined Aquatics Anonymous, and together, we all plan on shrivelling up into little pieces of bacon in the sun. Down with Evil Neptune! Down down down! Down that water-god! Glug glug glug - woops! Starting to slip... must... resort... to... fire... and... brimstone!....