Actually, I wasn't much bothered. As long as I could write. I ended up writing a lovely long post for yous guys, all about "becoming a hippie" - the first in a series. All finished, I was so tired that my brain accidentally hit the "back" button on the LJ page, instead of the "other tabs to the left" button on Firefox, which are stupidly close together. So, I lost the entire post. Spent a few hours trying to figure out any way to retrieve it. It was impossible. And so, I end up with a wasted day, the biggest idiot on the block. Too tired.
My place is a lot messier than it should be. The coconut oil is liquid now, meaning that the place is warm enough for cockroaches now. But I don't clean, because I never catch up, especially on writing, but also because any noise up here starts wars with the idiot downstairs. This is such a bullshit life. When I am at all sweet to my dog, he ends up bouncing and trotting around, thump thump. He gets all demanding, so he bumps himself down onto the floor to get my attention, because he learnt all about bumps and bangs and passive aggression from these fucked up Illinois people. He also gets under my feet as if to destroy me. On top of all this, I am just so tired, brain-fogged, and ill.
I cannot live like this. I need to find a way out of this whole trap. I need to be physically away from these people, a crowded unnatural environment, and Illinois, completely. I need to find some co-op or house somewhere where I can relax and just write, and yet still be in community, where my dog can run free, and hippies have sex all day long. Is that too much to ask? I swear to god, I am going to crack. This BS, mowing into others' space and then blaming them for it; or pummelling on the walls and then blaming one for a now agitated dog; etc., it is the same damn things as Korea playing its stupid games, and ending us all in a nuclear war. I am continually disgusted by humanity.
I have no life. I hardly get a chance to write a stupid post to LJ when I should be making millions by now, to give away to people who can do some fucking good. And, what was the most bizarre bright spot today? The despicable Glenn Beck was on, "On Being," talking about left and right should learn to respect each other. And how he has grown up. That is really so great if it is true. But, I don't get to go on national media and say the same things, only a hundred miles deeper, cuz I never had a million to begin with. It's just like, good or bad, we just get served the same money-family members, over and over again, really with little progress to offer, and usually more often just a bucket full of headaches.
The Cruel Hands of Time