This cold, January post is followed by a more warm, cutting, and disturbing post, which was begun on CHRISTMAS! Yes, you are looking into real history here! Tonight, I finished this extra added bonus post. Not in any way it was supposed to be finished. But xmas presents are seldom what you expect them to be.
Coldness is pretty bad for me. My hypothalamus is not what it used to be, and I don't regulate temperature like I did when I was the ultimate healthy awesome guy. I am already below normal in body temp. My guess is that when coldness drives its way through my head, ("mine tete"), this allows Candida yeast to proliferate. Any of you who brew wine or beer know that yeast like it cool. Candida yeast is a terrible thing, which virtually all doctors deny.
Gone are the glory, green salad days when I would drive my car out to a natural, people-less area, with my dog, and bask nakedly in the summer sun. SO, SO good for me! If you are going to take vitamin D, you might as well produce it yourself, cuz it is taylor-made! But, there was more than vitamin D going on. One of these things was probably the destruction of yeast!
Once, some cops came walking down the RR tracks, looking for something - maybe me. I roused myself and grabbed my dog, and started walking at them, with my dog. "Hello, officers!" la di da. Not a chance that I might be the naked man in the woods, no sirree.
Another time, I camped myself in a different area, where a transmission shop, etc., were in view. I tried to hide behind a big piece of cardboard, but someone called the police. I walked back, exited the woods, approached my car. I had to cross by where the cops, etc., were. I got in my car and drove away, thinking that I had escaped. But then some car started chasing me! Down a busy street. They were really determined. I ditched them at a McDonalds.
I had a whole lot of trouble like this in Yee Olde City, even if I wasn't doing anything wrong. Boyfriends chasing me. The Cafe Saga. Tires slashed. (All four!) A burnt down garage. Gunshots. A car set on fire in the driveway. A pornographic letter delivered to the front door. A dead guy on my vacant lot. Endlessly weird.
Well, back to the coldness – which is the theme of this post. I have no warm memories. They are all cold, like a falling carp in January. I remember the future, once. It was all fire and brimstone. Entropy.
Anyway, did I mention that cold is not good for my CFS me? Not good at all. Nevertheless, because Social Security Disability payments are also not good for me, I spent the last 4 winters not using my apartment heat, (natural gas).
I did buy a small heater for the tiny back room. But I still had to dress in massive layers, wear hats, never shower. The worst thing was my scalp got itchy, probably with mites from the dog. I did bath sometimes, but it was a major, horrible ordeal. Especially because of the CFS.
But, this year I started up the gas heater. I will probably manage to pay for it, but I don’t know. I set it to 52 degrees, or 53 when I feel rebellious. Sometimes, I retire to the back room, with dog, where I use the electric heater. I can then turn the house heat down to 50 degrees.
(Last year, the problem with sleeping back there was that the crazy bald man would go back there at 1:30am or 3:am, and produce a house-shattering “BANG!” He still does it, but it harms my health worst when it’s back there. He follows me, and know which of the three rooms I am sleeping in, so he can bang and stomp directly below. When I say it’s bad, I mean it is REALLY bad).
Now that the apartment is “warm”, I am able to sleep in different areas, and this has “helped” my health so much, I have been able to drink more wine – uuggh! I do mainly drink wine to get away from the stress, but also because I have come to despise this existence, which I blame on trolls.
But, the great thing is that it is still cold enough to keep the cockroaches at bay, probably smoking cigarettes downstairs with the bald guy. No matter how much wonderful-smelling food I cook up here, there has been seen neither exoskeleton nor hair of the cockroach variety. Don’t get me wrong, I do respect cockroaches. I think they are approximately human beings. They do wear the same genes.
However, it is wonderful to be able to throw tortilla chip crumbs to the wind, and not having to worry about waking up pregnant.
Seriously, it really is nice. No mice. No cockroaches. Just this giant, overgrown insect downstairs, throwing apples at the wall if ever I should dare to vacuum the carpet, whistle, or play with my dog. It really is a bugger, not being able to tidy this place, without having to experience another round of his attacks. Fortunately, his tantrums are somewhat predictable. They always precede approaching precipitation. They even precede the inevitably falling barometer, warning of impending snow-shovelling.
Why do I know this is true? Because he, like all psychopaths, is an INSECT. It’s some damn insect thing! Come on – you know about insects! You know they are weird. Open your mind – have a little compassion. Insects are bad news!
I am a northern guy. If it weren’t for the CFS, I would be living in the Seed-Savers storage facility in frozen Svalbard, sending little boxes of ice to desert countries, just to make a little money. Why would I do that? To get away from the insects. You don’t usually get malaria, yellow fever, zeka, dengue, west nile virus, chikungunya, rocky mountain spotted fever, lyme disease, sleeping sickness, lone star meat allergy, the plague, flees, or bee-stings, from people! You get them from bugs! Insects are bad news.
Get a jump on global warming and save yourselves before it is too late!
First of all, Merry Christmas to yours and you! May the present be worth the wrapping.
Oddly, I have been in the most Christmassy mood I have been in since moving here, I think. Maybe it is because I am not worrying about money, and am throwing all caution to the wind. And the guy downstairs is not rampant presently. For the good triumphs over the bad and the ugly forever until we croak.
I actually do love this time of year, through January. It is my best chance to mull about and write serious stuff. That has not been so in recent years. Hopefully, it might work a little this time.
Here's an odd thing: For the last two days, my stats show no external readers - i.e., other than LJ readers. That is very, very odd - even moreso because external reading normally go up on holidays. Does this have something to do with the recent work LJ did on its site? How? Any of you with stats: Are you noticing the same thing?
[Oxford English needs to finally get on the stick and declare, "moreso," a word!]
Well - my Christmas letter... I used to write my xmas letters completely allowing for the fact that the season included Jews and Quanzites. Never had a problem with that. I lived in Madison, and Jews were everywhere in my life. But this year, I never imagined that my list was again large enough that there might be a Jew on it. So, I forgot, and it was not a, "Happy Holidays," letter, but a, "Merry Xmas," letter.
So, my famous doctor, who wants to write a book with me, and who is Jewish, will be getting a slap on the face - although, he is a pretty compassionate old guy. He'll understand.
When I visitted this doctor, he said I seemed very familiar to him - did he know me from the past? I later said that maybe he had sometimes visitted a deli wherein I worked, in the public eye, singing along to the radio, and bringing comic joy to all the waitresses. Why knows? But, I have learnt that, "familiarity," comes not only from vaguely knowing someone from the past - but also from vaguely knowing someone from the future! It is true!
So - maybe it is true - Maybe we shall work together. But, regarding the whole thing of blithely insulting Jews, with disingenuous cheer, this we shall address herein and now:
Wouldn't the world get along much better if it knew that time was not all the same arrow for every damn person? I say unto you, "yes," even though you do not yet have any clue as to what I am talking about...
First, hold this in mind: Just as there is never the same time experienced by every distinct person, so there is never the same thought, or agreement. By each of our own place in space-time, we are distinct as beings, and in BEING. Never is the same thought created twice. We are all the creator. Yes, mankind's social - civilisational - apparatus has evolved to get us groping into some approximation of agreement and sharing, but this is not true - except for the fact...
Our brain-bodies act like atoms in appropriate proximity, in appropriate shape-similarity, in appropriate insulation, such that we carry on mind-signals from brain to brain, at the speed of light. Somehow putting us all into the same time, superluminally.
You see, nature could not pull the first, without having to balance it out with the latter. And so - we have this other, paradoxical - DOUBLY PARADOXICAL - aspect to our personal nature.
If Kafka were multiplied by Kafka.
As it relates to us idiots here on Earth: Can you accept the fact that a person can have his or her own beliefs and be RIGHT, (even if only in his or her own head), even when YOU are assuredly right, (even if only in your own head)?
Here's how we can get along...
It's Christmas! I cannot possibly be wrong on this.
You know all the liberal stuff about caring about people, and letting minorities express their will even if it includes a few terrorists, and taxing everyone especially the rich in order to benefit the poor and sometimes the bastardly? All that stuff is true!
And yet, what about all the conservative stuff about reining in taxes, letting business and profiteering and environmental destruction be free, meaning to benefit the freedom of all gun-toting Americans except that corporations mainly benefit at the expense of poor folks in the Appalachians and inner cities? Much of that is also true!
Every 4 or 8 years, we get this revolving door of one truth getting in, versus some other truth. And everyone on one side thinks that everyone on the other side is wrong, and vice versa. And so the contest is perennial - the bickering black-and-white hatred is perennial. But it should not have to be this way, because both sides are coming from some elements of truth!
Sometimes, it is like a boa constrictor. The left gets in and swells taxes, or dispels debt and waste, or the right gets in and swells corporations and debt, later to be left to the left...
But, with every move, in or out, the masses are made to lose their consummate breath - and what happens? With every move, left or right? It is the top 1% who gains. That currently the function of our representative government - with ample thanks to the people's great fondness of stupid movies, and stupid "real" news, and status quo drinking and bragging and football and so on.
But this is the point: The two-headed boa constrictor is meant to squeeze our wealth like from a toothpaste tube, all up to the top 1%. Once again: since 2008, 95% of the new wealth created in this country has gone to the top 1%. Has Barack Obama prevented this, despite all his rhetoric, and social bones thrown?
Barack Obama is an insect. He was called a, "snake," by Oliver Stone, as well as by Seymour Hersch. "Dreams of my Father, While Being Raised by Banksters." He announced retaliation for the FAKE NEWS Russian "hacking" of the election, and two days later, two Russian diplomats were murdered, and then down comes a Russian plane in the Black Sea. (Um - not coincidence - when you've been following covert history for the last few decades at least). NPR is sure to, at first, not mention that this is a Russian plane. Because that would cast aspersions. We don't want aspersions! Obama gave us LGBT!
[January 6, 2017]… And then came this whole, demonic CIA, “blame-Russia,” stragedy.
I was listening to Bernie Sanders sadly becoming a parody of himself, demanding that Trump read his placard, upon which were writ the promises Trump had made in May, 2016, a la, “I will preserve Social Security and Medicare!” Well, that’s a good enough thing. We definitely need a Socratic gnat like Bernie to keep Trump on his toes.
But then it slipped in. Even unto Bernie Sanders. The sanguine, lascivious, salacious lure of group anti-Trumpism. The interviewer said,
“It sound’s like you admire Trump somewhat…”
“I, uh, what… uh, uh, uh… What is there to admire? Why would I admire… someone who lies?...” – retorted Bernie.
The interview was acting out of the fashionable habit, trying to get Bernie to either admit he liked Trump, or to jump as fast as he could back onto the hate-Trump-parade. If Bernie were to give even an inkling that he liked Trump, he knew he would be STONED TO DEATH, through drips and drabs of gossip, and then suddenly by a wild, crashing dike full of slings and arrows. For, this is the time we are stuck in.
“Come on… you do… Don’t you admire him, JUST A LITTLE BiiiiiT?!...” Said the devil.
The irony is this: Yes, he does. Bernie has so emasculated himself through his moral idealism, in comparison to some jackass who comes along and kicks sand in everyone’s face – and then gets to the top of the hill. And Bernie says to himself, “I wanted to be there. That was going to be MY hill. But, thank god I am not a liar like him – although if I were him I could do so much more for my people…” I guarantee you, he’s had such feelings. This is the way we Insect Sapiens are.
For your info: I blame all three of them for destroying the election of Bernie Sanders. I think they all fell into roles and schemes which ultimately ended up, again, greasing the machine which squeezes the wealth up to the 1%. This is how our social-political-economic system rolls.
And, just another dime’s-worth of psychological analysis here: Bernie’s rote reaction was to revert to his main campaign message on Trump, “He LIES!” He has painted Trump as a stock character. His stumble betrayed that he was stymied, surprised, naked against this question – he was questioning himself, “Oh, wait? Do I really admire him?” Yep. I’ve seen him go into this denial mode before.
Since California, Bernie had declared Trump to be an enemy, in the same-old black-and-white morality play. The crusade. It’s a play of cards, of binary chances, which ultimately results into the winning-or-loss of your good guy, verses the loss-or-winning of their bad guy – or vice versa. This paradoxical-binary thinking is a vice which closes out all more discrete information. Since all the more discrete information actually OUTWEIGHS all the blunt information used by the status quo system, it is a way of the status quo once again shutting out any full change.
Keeps me running.