While I am finally getting to the point where I can relax and think, and enjoy the freedom in this house, which hasn't been too warm lately, my tooth problem is quietly increasing again, despite the anti-biotic. So, when the anti-biotic runs out in a few days, that means the inflammation will promptly return, with its devastating impact on my CFS, and so dementia. I really don't know how I am going to get through the next weeks. Meanwhile, with all the other little suggestions that the jackass is still coming and going downstairs, along comes a HUGE bang, in the house. As I said, I prompted him to leave with his dog the other day, but now he is leaving dog poop on my lawn. And this is the thing. From day one, these associated people began messing with me - almost killing me, for which the neighborhood now assumes I am somehow responsible.
I also had an interesting run-in with a large group of guys, with a couple of pitt-bulls. Halfway down the block, as they approached, one guy yells at me, with some stupid question about my dog attacking him, so I finally decided to mouth off, just like all the neighbours have been doing around me lately. These neighbours have been closing in, disrespecting, abusing, convinced I am the evil white guy, as per the one-sided gossip. Groupism. Cowards. Well, I start yelling at this guy and his passing group, and I was really cutting, really loud, and really smart. It worked, seeing as I was true, and right, and innocent. The hell with this constant bullshit. So, the group passed without mounting any defense, and I'm still yelling, with some back-and-forth. Finally, in line with my theme, I yelled that my dog, "LOVES YOU!"
This impressed and delighted the guy, and dissipated any hate arising from their initial prejudice. Meanwhile, the lanky neighbour guy, "Jackrabbit Lurch," had come out to gawk threateningly, seeing himself as the protector of this area, most likely expecting to trounce me. Instead, he was baffled and stunned by my performance, running away when I turned to stare back at him.
The point is, just as I near my pathetic excuse for, "normalcy," everything starts closing in again. Arrogant assholes on LJ swarm in to attack, (which will be discussed later). Mosquitoes everywhere. Swarming, biting ants. Fortunately, I haven't seen another cockroach in days. But I had to abandon my back bedroom, to seal it off just in case, moving all the stuff up front. Well, I HAD been trying to tidy UP the front, in preparation for the LL coming.
Bangs on the walls!
And, of course, the world economy is closing on most everyone, while the crashing environment does a number on IT.
The heat will be coming, and that gets so bad that I can't even post - not to mention that my laptop overheats and shuts down.
I am aching and yerning to write real, meaningful stuff. To use my mind again, in nimble associations. To delve the depths. Science. Economics. Philosophy. But, just as the Nethers, et al, NEVER let up, blaming and harrassing me, convinced they were right, despite their constant lies, etc., this whole life, here in N. Illinois forever goes that same way.
As in Texas, as in the Northwest, and elsewhere, there is an unspoken code of petulance and buggering here, which has always been here, ever since the Blackhawk and Civil wars. Only worse. There is niggardliness and there is racism, by everyone. There is selfish, greedy, sneaky libertarian opportunism, and exhausting ME-TOO-ism, all convince by Trickle-Down Theory, and Rush Limbaugh, and Jon Stewart, and the unrelenting corporate media circuses designed to set us all bickering and biting amongst ourselves. I cannot live in this crap. It is going nowhere, especially as worse economic times come in September and October. I feel myself circling around the rim of a draining, exhausting empire, sucking everyone down, into a mortal, "Lord of the Flies," tragedy of the commons.
Lord, if I find three people?
Lord, if I find two?
One person, Lord? Would you save this city on a hill, if I were to find one good person?
With my illness, and all my down time, I am years behind myself, trying to catch up. Perpetually, this idiocy in local and world politics keeps insisting, pushing itself in, flagrantly defying justice, needing to be dressed down. I end up writing about it. I finish with one post, and suddenly people are banging on the walls again, etc. It is a rising tide of entropy, taking me away from what I love. It already took away the three females I loved. It took away my health. By respecting only the DOLLAR, it took away respect for my very life.
And so, everything I write about is IN THE PAST. It is PASSE. Boring to me. TOO SIMPLE. More of the same status-quo tedium. All these baboon games people play, and play upon each other, designed to make them think they are fantastic, are PRE-CIVILISATION. They are ancient prehistory. They are repeated history frothing up, trying to repeat and repeat. It is tragic! So many people, unaware of the fire that their rote reactions are fueling.
I don't want to write about idiocy. It is too commonplace. Retarded politics. I want to get me and my thimble full of energy away from all this primate garbage, and go into the woods for a few years, and just write. Yet, my illness means that I should be close to medical services. I have looked into towns in Minnesota. A few towns have a strong presence of the Mayo Clinic. And Minnesota's Medicaid system is rather progressive. But I have no money to spend - at least not until months from now. Rents are too high, (prior to the coming drop in real estate prices). Even if I knew I could afford some particular apartment, the landlords would generally dismiss me, due to low income. All of this is a farce.
But, I did see two nifty places in the middle of nowhere(s), not in Minnesota. These are SO isolated, that I would be unable to hear progressive radio - or even decent-enough radio - as I can now, living near Chicago, Yee Olde City, colleges, and Madison. I would probably not have access to healthy food. There would be no potential wives around, pretty much as it is here. I would likely have to bicycle too far for things, making me ill. But, if I did choose a place like this, when I finally had some money, at least I could also get a vehicle, such as SEE PIC(s).
PS - The whole game is to suck the spirit away from the marginalised, and then the middle class, so that instead of thinking beyond their noses, people turn against themselves and start playing pathetic reptilian games. As the economy and world get more and more pernicious, people think less and less to step out of the game, and look for new alternatives, means, inventions, economies, realities. Instead, they proceed as prodded by the banksters and corporatist elites, with their mean-world psychopath functionaries, to make broad assumptions, tell broad lies, attack broad groups of people, crucify the misrepresented innocents, putting the CONCLUSION, or end, that they are supposedly RIGHT, above all premises and means.
This means fascism. It is a slow parade to hell. Divided and conquered before ever leaving the gate.