I am the person who will destroy China. (madman101) wrote,
I am the person who will destroy China.

I never mentioned that before that incident concerning the lady across the way, which caused me stress, and forced me to write a long LJ post, the girl downstairs made a sharp BANG below my futon, causing my body and heart to go into an anxiety spiral. Later, I was having sudden, sharp heart pains, almost causing me to literally clench my chest. I finally began recovering from the relapse last night, (although the heart pain is residual, and cumulative, with any more stress).

Out with my dog, yesterday, (3x, as usual), there were pleasant encounters with passer-by's. I talked to the NY guy, Lenny, for a long while, and did not get too exhausted. One guy complimented how I made the grass grow in on "my" lawn. Also, the bushes are wonderfully covered with flowing, white flowers, as well, due to the work I did there). Some girl was sitting in a medium-large baby carriage, being pushed along by a friend. Apparently, there was a baby at her back and a baby at her front, and I had no idea how she did this. But I approved. She laughed and screamed. These last two incidents are rather rare around here, but people were happy because of the nice day, which is sad. There were other pleasant encounters.

But, after that, the weather changed, and back came the passive aggression of both the lady across the way, and J-Girl downstairs. J-Girl has invited the guy back here, and so they are now proceeding to bang doors, etc., again. This is retaliation for me recovering, and trying to live a halfway normal life... Instead, my health is again impaired, because this contributes to keeping me awake all night. With my illness, that can have devastating consequences.

However, I also made a chip dip yesterday, which I ate as dinner at 8:pm, (which is too late), with organic blue corn chips. This was - is - very delicious. It contains runny jalapeno cheese sauce, a can of refried black beans, 1.5 chopped tomatoes, small chopped green pepper, three large tablespoons of pumpkin, one mashed avocado, a small can of tomato paste, a lot of cilantro, spices, and whatever. Apparently, this was so nutritious that it helped me recover from the relapse and stress, even though it TOO kept me up all night.

Every time I began to fall asleep, there came another bang or stomp-walking. Needless to say, my plan of walking my dog to the vet in the morning has been cancelled. I got a little sleep, and woke up feeling great, yet vulnerable. Even had an early decaf. However, I do have plans for later, which I should be able to keep.

Yesterday, I had a new flood of ideas invading ma tete. After doing some LJ comments, and making one decent post, I was actually able to remember most of these thoughts, at 1:am. (All this helped keep me up all night, along with all the light, as did my dog, who's unsettled reaction to the stress from downstairs made him kept getting off my futon and back on and off and back on again. I told him to stop, without yelling, but this invited more reprisals from below).

I wrote them down. But I am having one problem remembering a very important concept and related. At least I have the basics, and should remember it soon enough, as long as I keep chewing on it.

Another thought: I have come to realise that the stress from below calls into question my dog's confidence in me, slightly. He is not a master of chess, or of game theory, or of stealthy micro-politics. Therefore, if he hears a BANG, and sees me not retaliating, then he feels less tight, more on his own. "Why isn't he going down there and BITING THEM?!" So, he starts not listening to me as much. His paws get louder. He gets louder. I end up having to raise my voice. This makes J-Girl & Guy retaliate more. It's a stupid, animal, control spiral. Tit-for-tat. Humans competing with a DOG, blaming the human.

The point: Animal logic: Competition between groups causes dissonance or ambiguation within groups, requiring exertion of authority, and fixation on the OTHER group as an ENEMY, in order to hold group together. Interestingly, this relates to the concept I mentioned above, which I must remember more of, (soon). Mainly, the lure of, and respect of, authority is related to the placebo effect, and so is narcissism. The latter idea-connection is very important, and I had really good proof, finally, think, think, think.

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