I am the person who will destroy China. (madman101) wrote,
I am the person who will destroy China.

day so far

I slept as much as possible last night to ready myself for the early activity. Also slept in the morning, right up until time to leave - which is often difficult, because I can't gather myself so quickly. Then, my dog starts following me around, when I am readying, and this ALWAYS prevents my brain from figuring out what I am doing. So, I usually end up yelling at my dog, and this makes him anxious. If it gets really bad, he ends up barking when I am gone, and then this means more passive aggressive harassment from the downstairs neighbour(s), against him, and then me later. Also, often, when I sleep in the mornings, this destroys my circadian rhythms, and makes me very ill, unable to do anything.

But, I was able to pull it off this time, so I left for the bus to doctors' appointments, at 9:15am. I had low BP to the brain, some brain fog, some transitional sharp headaches - and a lingering dementia, also making me woozy, etc. I was very hopeful for the day, and had my clothes all in order. I even had a bucketful of waste-water to water the grass-seed. When I put it down, as I was readying to go out, my dog starts drinking it, and this began my fairly bad day. The water had pasta water in it. I had to yell at him immediately, "Get out of that!" - and then again, "Get out of that!"

It disgusts me that he is so commanded by his nose and his stomach, and seldom seems to trust me enough to bypass this. This is my cost for, not only having a wolf-related dog, but also for having a MALE Akita - a breed which is difficult to discipline. And, get this, yes it is good to have an amazing watchdog, but I have CFS, and the last thing I need is to be constantly disciplining my dog.

I need to take him to the vet for updated shots, which riles me. His diarrhea didn't start happening until he first got shots!

The thing about me yelling at my dog at 9:am, is that the girl downstairs sleeps until noon, and somehow is convinced that if she is reminded in anyway that I or my dog lives here, then she has a right to retaliate against ANYTHING. I try to be quiet because I don't need slamming doors at 3:am, because it basically is going to kill me. But, if my dog is drinking water that has dish detergent in it, and a little bleach, I am GOING to yell at him to stop!

Hey - I got home today and the J-Girl also went out to leave a little later - but no slamming retaliatory doors - I wonder why - see below...

So, my dog got me off to a bothersome start. (Same as last time, which I never posted about, I was all scheduled and running perfectly, except for the problems and mistakes of other people, (and dogs), which completely screwed me up. I like to add a large degree of freedom, making room for this crap, but it takes over anyway).

I get in the minivan "bus" and the driver is very nice to the point where you wonder if all he is doing is talking to himself. Backtrack: The passenger in the front gives me a wave or something. I get in. Immediately, the drive guy starts saying things, and the passenger in front is responding. Not that I HAVE ANY RELEVANCE. No, he has dibbs because he was in the minivan first. GOD FUCKING HUMAN PRIMATES. I don't care about this stuff. I welcome the chance to be quiet, and nurse my CFS.

But this keeps happening over and over again. You know what it was? It was competition! TRYING TO SNUFF ME OUT. The driver would say something about an approaching bus, and the driver inside, and I could have sai something, but the passenger, a black male, quickly jumped in and said something stupid in response. He kept saying stupid things in response, and the driver kept having to correct him, and then he kept saying, "Gotcha..." Like, what is this make retardation crap?! I mean - spend your whole life misunderstanding things, and saying completely inappropriate things in response, so the new guy in the cab won't talk, and all you then say is, "Gotcha...", when you're wrong, like you have no clue - because all that matters is the SHUTTING-UP. It went on like this over and over again! This is so fucking bullshit!

When the driver dropped me off at the clinic, he was saying that the door might give me some trouble, and was getting out to help, but I had no problem with it. So, he finally got out some comment clearly meant for me, "You're STRONG!"

"Nah!" - I just wanted away from there.

But, yeah, I am strong, deceivingly, if this matters. Unless I am in a kind of relapse.

I went in to see the doctors. First, I went in to see the endocrinologist. He kept drawing charts for me. He was telling me that he was going to comply with my request for liothyronin, but he wanted to draw these charts anyway. I know enough about people, and just said, "I know!" I knew hew was going to prescribe liothyronin, even though he was saying he was opposed to it, basically.

I had told him I had 125 or 150 of levothyroxin prescribed before, (by a doc with SOME sympathy for CFS), PLUS was prescribe 25 of liothyronin). So, he says he is OK with prescribing ONLY 125yroxin. Then I ask if he can do the same thing, except also prescribe 25 liothyronin as well, since this is the only thing that has helped in the past - way past. Stupid doctors with their slow learning curbs.

He only prescribes what I am already on, 100 levothyroxine, (Synthroid).

After he keeps drawing charts and DRAINING MY BRAIN, he agrees to prescribe at least 5 thyronin, x2/day, which was a big accomplishment. But, he says, even though he was sying OK before, that was not increasing levothyroxine

What's worse than YOU not understanding any of this, is that so many doctors do not understand the needs of CFS, when it comes to the thyroid. The standard docs just go on and on, assuming that bio-chemical feedback loops in CFS are normal and predictable and reliable. THEY ARE NOT. People w/ CFS need specific considerations, as far as thyroid, (etc.), goes. told this guy that the only time I have EVER received ANY kind of relief was with 150 of levothyroxine plus 25 leothyronin!!!!!! He does NOT increase levothyroxine (T4), and only increase liothyronin by 5 - and then with another 5 by my pathetic urging.


Then, I had an appointment with my female MAIN doctor. She has been shit for me on hormone questions; she rushes me out ASAP. She does not hear about my CFS, or dementia, or inflamed brain. "If your brain was inflamed, you would be on the floor."

Sorry - life is not either-or. My brain gets chronically inflamed, causing ear problems, causing balance and gait problems. meaning - despite all I do outside of their purview - I need another doctor.

The endocrinology guy proved himself to be worthless on other issues. We had fine repertoire, forum a BS make perspective - [April 25 edit: I have no idea what that last phrase meant, or if it was a mistake. I do know that despite our good rapport, I didn't like the endocrinologist].

Then went to big grocery store. Avoided alley with the girl with coke-bottle eyes and VW minibus rear.

All for now.

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