I am the person who will destroy China. (madman101) wrote,
I am the person who will destroy China.

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jumble 1

(This may be a really interesting series, and all-over-the-map, so do not cast it down with your stale gum!)

My illness has been so bad lately. As times goes on, you see I post less and less. And I am able to do less and less. I hate the thought that I could be on my way out. But that's how serious this illness is. I have had so many things I have been wanting to write about, including completion of already-started theme-post SERIES. But I get washed over by these huge painful tides of relapse, my memory is erased, my wherewithal depleted. I spend hours upon hours struggling, NOT committing suicide because I know I will eventually have a LITTLE time or normalcy, wherein I can write. Or cook.

Remember my last psychic demonstration: I felt that a tornado would be hitting right near Yee Olde City, based on a dream, etc. Sure enough, that is what happened. A tornado hit a nearly-contiguous town, Belvidere. This was the town wherein I was checking out a mobile home - which I said might be hit(!) What was hit in Belvidere was a Zoo. That is saddening. I remember reading about this zoo, and all the issues it was having, or which some people were having with it. Many people didn't even know that the zoo was there, but they showed up to volunteer and help after the tornado, anyway.

{I tried to think back to my dream, and do not remember any animals - but it FEELS like a possibility. I think my dog might have been in it. (I also noted that it FELT that the dream was predicting actual tornadoes, rather than predicting social violence, which is a correlate of bad weather, btw. I have learnt to trust these feelings). I do remember, however, a tiger in a dream right around that time, possibly in the same dream - idk. I do dream of tigers sometimes, which is what people with CFS do, as tigers represent the energy we need - or, who knows, maybe we all have a tiger virus. Ashley had some kind of fascination with tigers, which gave me impotence}.

Of course, Fairdale-Rochelle were hit even harder. That tornado was 1/2 mile wide. Over a county-away, here where I live, it felt like this place was yet in the path of the circular winds of this mini-hurricane. Dave Santos mistakenly referred to the Fairdale-Rochelle tornado as being a hurricane. But that's what these mega-tornadoes are. Because of the changing temperature, (and humidity), differentials, storms over land are emerging like storms over oceans. Yet, they are all the more damaging locally, because they are so concentrated, spinning even faster.


Technicality: It was said that at least 2 tornadoes hit - and probably more. That's in line with my dream. It has also been said that the Fairdale-Rochelle 1/2-mile-wide tornado travelled 28 miles. OK - I don't know about this. I am thinking maybe they factored this tornado into the Belvidere tornado, which was a separate tornado. But, it is also quite possible that they are right, whomever they are.

OK - So, I had that premonition of the tornadoes and it happened. I only emphasize this because people don't listen to anything else. They think that if you say you have psychic senses, that you are just a bragging, weak loser, needy needy needy. That is insulting to me and I want all these people eaten by lions. The whole tornado prediction was, not only a combination of a dream, plus a sense, plus mathematical hunches from the past, plus weather conditions, PLUS MERE CHANCE through a lens of Origami.... DO you know how fucking hard it is to keep track of all these things, when you have migraines and fatigue and dementia and sleep sleep sleep????!!!!!!

Well, here is another recent one, which was more clearly a psychic sense... Recently, I have been having recurrent thoughts or images of a certain relative. (I have referred to this female as a controllaholic in the past). These intuitions TOLD me that she was thinking about me, and concerned about me. Sure enough, after over a year, she calls me yesterday. I am sorry, that is psychic. I already KNEW she was going to call me. She left a message. I know this person loves me, and I love her, but she is a rampant narcissist who exhausts and infuriates and cripples me.

So - I really don't know what to say to her. Same as it ever was. I don't know. Love is supposed to be the great redeemer and healer - but her behaviour is BLIND and keeps destroying me. Yes, she gives money and all. But she has no conception of the difficulty from which my life presents itself. It's like... I do not want to be pulled into the dysfunction of these people, which I left and grew up from decades ago. And yet they are family with needy love. I feel that love psychically.

How can their dysfunction be allowed to get in the way of it all. Why can't they respect me enough to learn new ways from me, despite my lack of filthy lucre??? Did I tell you that a relative who is a judge, who helps me financially a little, sent me a completely backwards, abusive and insulting xmas card??? How do you deal with crap like this, when you don't have the ability to become independent from it?????? It's all so fucking disgusting - and none of them, all of whom have known and should SO KNOW BETTER, have learnt that this is disgusting. It's like the whole damn fossil fuel industry, thinking it is God's gift to the world, when it is the world's damnation.

Um - so, yeah... Like, sending me this card, is very much the same crap as Rahm Emmanual sending frienemies DEAD FISH IN THE MAIL. Ha ha ha like some ha ha Monty Python Sketch ha ha so I guess it's like Baby-Boomer certified OK ta doooooo!!!!!! Never mind real morality or the consequences in the wider real world! A FUCKING JUDGE!!!!!

I look back on all my family and relatives and they NEVer grew up!!!!!!! They are all the exact same dysfunctional, messed up children, fortunate enough to bankroll spite into a new house every 10 years.

Anyway - maybe I'll get back on that theme soon enough... But I guess I want to get back on the psychic track, for one more moment, won't you love it with me?

OK - let's start this story off by talking about the Maasai. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maasai_people ). But we all know that these are really tall, ancient African tribe(s) who drink blood and milk. Now, here I have to go off into these exhausting tangents...

I once had a very short, big-mouthed, loving yet fanatical boss from NYC. Kinda like Rahm Emmanuel except less of a psychopath. Actually, maybe the same amount of psychopath - except he just hadn't gotten as far enough in life to exercise it so overtly...

I told my mother, "I don't have to worry TOO much about him. If I ever have a serious problem with him, I can just push him over."

She laughed. I hate when she betrayed that weak side of herself. But. That's why she ended up no longer my mother, but my friend. And wayfarer. Stupid fucking grabby grabby siblings.

Might does not make right.

WRITE makes right.

This NYC Jewish chap had $10,000 from his mother to create a new corporation, which was this: Contact rich Saudi Princes, mainly, and get them to play the Illinois lottery. So. I still have a list of all those billionaires, which I grabbed when I left. I made a few thousand dollars off it afterwards. The main thing is this: Maybe it became the foundation for today's, "THE LIST," - research this... It became the foundation of the whole USA anti-terriblist campaign. Seriously.

A note to all snooping bastard intelligentsia goons: This list is not here. I think it is in storage somewhere. You know what? If you want it for new doners for Hillary's campaign, I think it is way to out of date. For one thing, you have probably droned all these guys. For another, they have all moved. You probably know them all, and are either kissing their asses, or else you have them kissing your asses in Guantanamo.

I told this ultra-hot co-worker, "If my mother gave me $10,000 for a business, I would be successful too!"

This hot, demure, conservative girl was engaged to be married, and yet she really liked me... Which, IDK, because I was trying to keep my distance from everyone and everything back then. But she really liked me - while I knew I was destined for DOOM. I would have been so happy if I had grabbed her, but I had no future!!!!!!!! And I knew it. And I had a moral conscience which told me not to grab her. WHERE IS MY FUCKING REWARD?! Loser black guys grab sucker girls like this all the time! It is fucking tragic. But she was a good girl - but it seemed like she was NEW to the whole concept of integrity and all that. She was intrigued by me. I lament it all.

She asked me how the cool people dressed in Madison, and I said, "A kind-of homeless green-on-black," which was soon to become the STARBUCKS colour theme. Damn everything. Then - she comes to work, dressed in green-on black - but in some elegant summer-type dress, and I am like - is this for me? - because if it is, it is totally wrong.

God bless and save that sweet girl.

I so wish my life could have done so much more but the point is to figure out as much as I can and present it to you all, no matter how fucking sexy I appear to be.

So - wut - the point - I had this job with this NYC Jewish guy... What's the point... Somehow, I'm supposed to get onto the subject of wolves...

I really can't find the connection here - I am sorry ha ha. I realised that I was going way off field by going off on tangents on this job, but I was relying on the connection to bring it all back - and I have forgotten the connection!!!!!


Let's do a part 2 soon....

EDIT! - oh oh oh OK! - I remember - I told this guy something about the equator!!! OK - will continue this soon.

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