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Posted on 2013.10.16 at 22:48

INconceivably bad relapse - nearing death's door - beginning to recover - brain damage shows (after inflammation) as I still have a bad case of loud "after-concert" drone in my head. I know I have inflammation because it completely plugs up my left ear, in addition to all the typical clinical signs. Also brain dehydration. The dementia and related PTSD are the worst. Dealing with getting gut back into functionability.

N-Girl has been in my face constantly, ever since she began banging after the walls after I had been nice to her - and I responded to this, not by reprimanding or chiding or reporting her, but by returning her duplicitous outside, "Hi!", with a hello which was civil but apparently not super-nice enough for her, because, as you know, she feels she owns me. Anyway, today (5:30p & 7:15p) (& once yesterday), I actually heard her rushing to go out the door when she thought she heard me starting to go downstairs w/ my dog, to go outside, (but I wasn't going out ha ha). Whatever, I always say. So, whe I am actually getting ready to go out, (AT MY USUAL TIME), quiet, but not trying to be secret, she comes out first with her two dogs - both #1 and illegal #2. I have to restrain my dog on porch, as he is unusually scraping to run to them, (which has caused me health probs later). since I am recovering from major relapse, ad my lungs suddenly demand oxygen, I am compelled to clear my throat, as I do after every relapse, (since they affect the lining of my lungs). This was slightly loud and protracted, and sounded like I might have been being passive-aggressive to her paranoid skitzo mind. Of course, I expected retaliation later. Since I confronted them (about their wall-banging) about 10 days ago, (which partly caused this major relapse), wherein they offered up three lies as excuses, and she also said that, "You [and your DOG] must be HEARING things [for the last TWO YEARS]", they have been relatively quiet lately. (This is very fortunate, because: otherwise, my relapse would continue to spiral me downwards into a grave). Yes, when I'd come in with my dog, N-Guy would be waiting behind the wall, talk-shouting something unintelligible. And both of them keep coming out, trying to be in my face again. It makes no sense, other than mental illness, or reptilian territorialism &/or racism. So, the only retaliation for my voice-clearing this afternoon, was her being inside behind her front door, staring, while I am out with my dog, AT MY USUAL TIME - and so she SLAMS her front door - as if somehow now I am to blame for keeping her and her dogs from coming out, by being out with my dog, again, AT MY REGULAR TIME - MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS.

Yes, that was a tedious petty paragraph to dig through wasn't it, but it is partly for my renewed daily log... AND... After her sudden appearance this afternoon, with her two dogs, some teen guy comes popping out from behind the other side of our house, and he's jumping around, and he turns back and looks at me with a happy and possibly gloating, defiant face. I really didn't care to seriously consider if this might be connected to the N-Girl w/ dogs thing, and if they were allied or not. Honestly don't care, (except when I need facts). (There IS some trouble-making teen next door, but I don't really knoow which person he is). But I am mentioning this because at 5:30p, I hear some arguing from next door. Then I hear a bang and slam. I look out and there is a big body lying on the front deck over there. I considered if the bang I heard might have been the sound of a small gun, muffled by clothing - (it was possible but I didn't think that's what it was). But, this guy was looking pretty dead. Two females ran out and couldn't revive him. I figured they would call the cops if he had been shot. So, the first thing they do is pull out his wallet or something - maybe it was his cellphone, so he wouldn't call cops. Then they started applying towels to his head. If he was shot in his head, then cops should be arriving soon. No cops. After a few minutes, he was very slowly coming-to. He had been punched in the face - and I believe it was by Jack-Rabbit Lurch, the husband of Wavy Girl. I had heard him yelling him about, "Stop doing this or that!" then the guy was flattened, and Jack-Rabbit Lurch was exiting the picture as soon as I had ambled to my kitchen window. About five minutes after the body had revived itself, Jack-Rabbit Lurch was out front on their lawn, walking with a limp, while the slammed guy was out at the same time, and he was waking around too - ha ha - they weren't even yelling or anything, just walking around. Now - I'm just not sure if this downed guy was the same guy who had popped out this afternoon - or if he, or both, or either, is the real trouble-making teen over there. But, I do believe that whomever the trouble-making teen is, he wants trouble for me - but Jack-Rabbit Lurch yelled at him once while I was out, and part of this yelling spell was this: "YOU WANT TO FIGHT THIS BOY? HUH?" Referring to me, (minding my own business). YOU WANT TO FIGHT THIS BOY?!" So, whatever THAT was about, Jack-Rabbit Lurch was telling the guy not to mess with me, (along with whatever else he was yelling - maybe the whole yelling spell was about me, IDK. Who knows. I'm an event, after all.

Was this latest boxing match something to with me? Was Jack-Rabbit Lurch hitting this guy for wanting to mess with me??? And WHATEVER else? Or, had my loudish clearing-of-throat been misinterpreted ad me vocalising ager OVER TO THEM, in their direction, and therefore Jack-Rabbit consequently took it out on this other dude? OR - was it merely the fact that I, (the corner idealist), seemed to express ANGER, that violence "consequently" erupted over there? OR - were their bad vibes affecting both N-Girl, and the folks next door - as they always do before a rainfall. (I myself wasn't angry, I was just focusing on getting well). I think some or all of these explanations need not be mutually exclusive. I feel that "bad vibes" may also be related to the planet's weird geomagnetic disturbances - not only affecting minds and illnesses, but also possibly being correlated to the emergence of the sinkhole in front of my house - but more on all that later.

But, also, violence begets violence, and the constant negative, ridiculously competitive - pathological, like the GOP - certainly sets a terrible example, and terrible vibes, for this area. They encourage it. It is pathetic. But I guess they can't see this because poverty makes their minds reptilian, ad they only see value in a GAME THEORY strategy of constant, petty, cowardly-but-lethal RETALIATION. Then, her PUBLIC face comes out to manipulate, pleasantly leaving food on my porch for me. She says she does this not because she CARES, but gives the response, which is either GUARDED or PSYCHOTIC, "Well, EVERYBODY HAS A HEART, you know." Oh. Like the Angel of Death, she somehow is a spokesman for EVERYBODY - not for the goodness of her heart. You know, if a psychopath stabs you in the back, you can ask their PUBLIC FACE, "WHY?"

And it will say, "I never stabbed you in the back." Of course not. It's just ME. Maybe I'm just HEARING THINGS.

In the first days after I first moved here, the porch lights across the intersection, in a nice brick bungalow, kept flashing on and off, while I was out with my dog. That was most surely some signal to me. But I saw it as very 4th grade. It happens that the people who lived there, even though the adults sometimes glared at me from their car, (but possibly honked to me as they passed, while I picked up a back of litter from a corner), the daughter and family seem the most grown-up people around here, and the daughter spend a lot of time with her white "girl-friend", off in their own quiet world. And they have eyed me a number of times, (especially the daughter). The other day, the daughter exclaimed to others that she had no fear of my big black dog. Last night, after coming ut with the white girl, she came walking alone in my direction, passing somewhat nearby me and my dog. So, we locked eyes a little, and she turned her head back as she was walking by. So - maybe N-Girl was jealous of this, as she watched from wherever. She can't STAND seeing cute girls say hi to me, etc. But, maybe this daughter was also signaling, (in the manner of this fucked-up town), that she liked how I stood up to the evil Nethers over a week ago. I've seen support come out of the woodwork, like this, from others here, at other times. But, I really don't know, or care. I just give a little consideration to maybe talking with this girl some time, but mostly I want to get the hell out of here.

To the right of their nice little brick bungalow across the intersection sits the house of the nice older Arkansas guy w/ whom I have spoken, and who knows of my TBI. Who knows, maybe by now, Jack-Rabbit Lurch knows of my TBI from him. Drink and gossip chum up and travel far in these here parts. While some may support me, due to my situation, bully-wanna-be's may want to cal me the crazy guy on the corner - who "hears things." See how it works? It's tragic and sad and worthless. Anyway - The other night, apparently, out from the house of this nice guy come two teen guys, with a cat, which disturbs my dog, and weakens me. The cat, far off, passes the street, and then the two teen guys start throwing stones at it, across the street. Does this now mean that, no..., they were not messing with me, but punishing the cat? - eh .. The point is: Why now are they even throwing stones in the first place? Because violence begets violence. Because, a day or less after I had unfortunately confronted the N-People about their passive-VIOLENT banging on the walls, a bunch of little girls showed up in front of my porch, apparently, howling together and throwing stones, which I had to pick up later. (I never bothered to concern myself at the time - not even knowing that they were attacking my porch. So much for my PARANOIA). Maybe those two teen guys had contracted stone-throwing disease from these girls, who were smiting me for "yelling" at the Nethers. See how mixed up it all gets. One night, anger can spread like wildfire, and along again might come the poor white guy who sold his cowboy hat, saying, "It's too wild out tonight for me!" Gunshots, Falling bodies, Massing behaviour. All because of this stupid passive aggression eating away at people. Everyone is re-enforcing orders from above, from the bankster class: None of you POOR has the RIGHT to any PLEASURE. (Of course, the rich do - but they call it "FREEDOM" which we all like to dream about, don't we?)

So, who knows if my clearing of throat had anything to do with some guy later being knocked out next door, flat on his back, almost dead? WHO KNOWS. I do know that my dog knew something bad was happening next door, maybe an half an hour before the fight occurred, and he tried to tell me about it. I do know that tonight when I was out with my dog, he was insistent on scoping every direction astutely, knowing there were bad vibes coming from somewhere, and then "SLAM!" goes the N-Folk's front door.

I need a vacation.

Well, I am needing to focus a lot on life right now. While Ill, I was thinking about dropping all my LJ friends, and then just posting some theme posts for public reading. But, I do like you guys, so. However, now I must keep myself from being pulled into LJ, for temporal and psychic reasons. So, I will not be checking my IN-BOX for the foreseeable future. That means I'll only catch your comments if they are made to my own posts, or if I happen to follow up via my friends page. That's all for now. I have to get back to work now, ta.

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