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When the Gilbert Islands of the South Pacific were establishing independence, they wanted to include some other nearby islands as members in their new country. So, they decided not to call the whole group of islands the "Gilberts," just to be fair to those other islands. So, they chose the name, "Kiribati." What does this name mean? Nothing. It is how the native people pronounce, "The Gilberts"... "The Kiri-bati." It could be said to be an actual word in their native language. What is their native language called? Gilbertish. I thought that was pretty cute.

So, these islands, which include the island formerly called, "Christmas Island," are one of the worst areas in the world to try to grow food. The soil is basically calcium - with magnesium and that's about it. Plus, even before climate change, the Kiribati receive a lot of droughts. Well - some of the islands are uninhabitted, and they look like Gilligan's Island - but I would be a fool to get me one, since I'm just not up to fishing all day. At least, on Easter Island, they ate a lot of bird eggs. Before they went extinct. On the Kiribati, they hunted the giant clam to extinction, and, well, there's not a lot more, because this is one of the poorest places on Earth. There was a time when phosphorus was mined, but it has apparently been mined away. Kiribati lives off welfare and good spirit.

The main thing the Kiribati have had going for them has been Geography. They are in a place where most other countries aren't. Remote. So, for better or worse, they became a stage for the war between Japan and the USA, (now referred to as the War Between the Banks). That's the sort of dubious distinction shared by such places as Bikini Atoll. (Read about THAT mess). But, later on, some kind of space tracking station was supposed to be built here - something to do with a collabouration between Japan and the USA - (oh, ooops, who could have seen COLLABOURATION coming?!) In addition, a large runway was under construction here, which was intended to serve the new, upcoming Space Shuttle project, named, "Hope". But Hope was abandoned in 2005, and the runway was never completed. Why was Hope abandoned? Privatisation, my friend. Privatisation. With all this privatisation, you'd think they'd take a break from their plans to turn, Belle Isle, (go to Wiki), into a free-trade, gambling casino metropolis city of gold resort for millionaires, where drones blow up incidental people, just like in Dubai, and the government hunts down crazy people who know-too-much, just like in Belize - with all this insular privatisation, you would think that the corporate vultures would at least give the poor wee Kiribati a LOOK! But, what diffy does it make, because all the islands are going to sink under the oceans pretty soon, and that will be the end of Ayn Rand. Oh, well. *shrugs*

So, a big deal lately has been the whole issue of climate change, I MEAN GLOBAL WARMING. Kiribati has been right up there, with Micronesia, trying to find solutions and approaches, and simultaneously gearing up for mass-evacuation. ("Mass-evacuation": When you accidentally shit yourself during church services). So, since Kiribati will be desolate and under the ocean soon, I guess now is the time for me to offer it an economic plan to consider:

Dudes. Calcium. Magnesium. Ever check the supplements aisle at Osco's or CVS? Get into SUPPLEMENTS!!! And - you know, and I know, with global warming, the oceans are acidifying due to carbolic acid, melting the shells of shell-creatures, and forcing the extinction of most sea creatures and man itself, even though man itself has plenty enough going for it to make it extinct already. But you have CALCIUM. Get the UN to BUY it and DUMP IT IN THE FRICKIN OCEANS I MEAN PFFFFT!!!!!

You say you can't grow crops. OK. But did you know that coconut shell is ONE OF THE BEST MULCHES, (etc.), EVER??? You can sell that. You can also create COCONUT TREE PLANTATIONS, since that is all that will grow there. Then - YOU CAN SELL COCONUT OIL, which is HOT and will continue to GET HOTTER, when more people realise that it isn't just healthy, and doesn't just help people lose weight - IT IS A WORTHY TREATMENT FOR DEMENTIA AND FOR ALLZHEIMERS DISEASE!!!!! This is a market bigger than the American drug market. And, shouldn't you AT LEAST be able to grow marijuana - I'M JUST SAYIN'!!!!!

And shouldn't you AT LEAST be able to grow PALM plantations for increasingly invaluable PALM OIL? And what about all those precious things grown in the barren SAHARA - like vanilla, frankincense, argan oil - can't you get some capital investment to get the resources to grow such things?? I mean - hell - like, you could at least grow nutritious BEAN SPROUTS because all these need are WATER. AND HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF GYPSUM???????????????????

I love Islands. Studying them. Learning how pathetic they are compared to the rest of the wealthier countries, who are destined to self-destruct. Giving the lie. I was born on an island and so on. Oh, and hey, Kiribati, why can't you sell and MARKET SEA SALT???????? One day, people will be more aware of how sea salt beats out fabricated salt in a HEARTBEAT. The Beatles learnt this. And they were progressives in a lot of ways, but we mainly think of them as ALIENS now.

Or - why did you change the name of CHRISTMAS ISLAND??? Don't you know that Americans are so stupid that sufficient amounts of them would STUPIDLY FLOCK to Kiribati, just because you have an island called, "CHRISTMAS?!!!" I know all of you are packing your bags and leaving, cuz your children would drown otherwise. BUT WHAT ABOUT ME. I could move down there and make a LOT of money, if you would only make smart, space-age choices. You can forge ahead, and do that, by SELLING RELIGION!!! You have lots of Catholics, and Protestants, and Mormons down there - why can't you sell this, bring down all these fundamentalist Americans, and then drown them like RATS! I am telling you - talk about VULTURE CAPITALISM - you could make an f-ing KILLING. And, so, let me just give you one testimonial, ha ha... (Oh, Arizona, you are soooooo fucked up.......).....

http://news.yahoo.com/religious-family-abandons-us-gets-lost-sea-220646881.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiribati

Comments:


Evil Tracey
eviltracey at 2013-08-11 20:35 (UTC) (Lien)
If Scott Adams hadn't turned wingnut, I'd send him this story as an example of "True Tales of Induhviduals."

The scary thing about this story is that the family wants to try again.
where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2013-08-11 21:40 (UTC) (Lien)

Induh....

I'm glad you followed the link and read the story - it is weirdly interesting, coming out of nowhere... (and into the wild...)

The main thing is that they were so full of religion that they didn't bother learning about navigation, ha ha.

I really love stories about being adrift at sea but this one is so quirky funny... I don't wanna say "tragic", but something..

I never got into Scott Adams but it seems he had a subtle satire style which I could appreciate... "Confusopoly", "The Religion Wars..."
Evil Tracey
eviltracey at 2013-08-12 03:56 (UTC) (Lien)

Re: Induh....

The story made me think of this Harrison Ford movie where the father goes batshit crazy and moves his family to the jungle so as to get them away from the corrupting influence of Western culture. Things kind of went pear-shaped from there.

There was another story that I heard about which concerned a family that wanted to have an "authentic" seagoing experience and hopped into a sailboat (off Africa, I think). Unfortunately, they ran into pirates.
where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2013-08-12 21:02 (UTC) (Lien)

Re: Induh....

You know, both of these seem familiar to me - but I'm not sure. If you ever have the titles of these, I would like to look them up and find out more.
Evil Tracey
eviltracey at 2013-08-13 03:16 (UTC) (Lien)

Re: Induh....

The Harrison Ford movie was The Mosquito Coast, adapted from a book by Paul Theroux.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091557/

(I don't think his character was a religious wingnut, but people can be wingnutty over things other than religion.)

The story about the family whose sailing trip was cut short by pirates was mentioned in Andrew Potter's book The Authenticity Hoax (here's a review mentioning said story: http://www2.macleans.ca/2010/04/14/how-did-authenticity-become-the-hot-new-status-symbol/).

Andrew Potter's web site:

http://authenticityhoax.squarespace.com/about-the-book/
where hypotheses come to die
madman101 at 2013-08-13 03:50 (UTC) (Lien)

Re: Induh....

Oh - of course - the Mosquito Coast! I never saw that but it was also a very popular book, as you know. Of maybe I did see it - my mind is a mess.

Thank you! I will check these out later, as I really need to drop like a stone now, Geronimo.
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