where hypotheses come to die (madman101) wrote,
where hypotheses come to die

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I don't understand any of it

I don't understand the atmosphere of FEAR here. I mean, I do in an abstract way, but I don't feel it. I don't know how and why people would allow themselves to be ruled by it, when there seems to be very little to fear here compared to other places. There's a LOT of bluffing and posing and yelling, but all the rest of the time people are all closed up and avoidant. It's absolutely nuts. Yes someone popped a gun off the other night but big deal. And the weird thing then was everyone rushed towards the crime scene - like terrified horses running back into a blazing barn. I've thought about that weirdness, and I'm thinking they were all motivated by the Martin incident, with all the media hype, maybe thinking they were going to find some white guy shooting a black. And if that's so, this is the simmering up of riot behaviour. And after all this NDAA and Supreme Court fascism, etc., it makes SENSE to riot - but NOT white vs black, left vs right, male vs female - because that blinds us all to the continuing rape from above... But the point of this post is the FEAR...

My dog feels bad. Unlike even in the Olde City, he came outside with me and a small child, (cued by adults), who is way across the way, starts crying out, "I'm SCARED! I'm SCARED!" The parents took the child inside.

And my dog couldn't understand this. He LOVES kids so much! He LIVES to see kids, and I can barely let him out for a total of 15 minutes per day. I totally expect neighbours to come and tell me I am the problem, for their fear.

While still outside tonight, two guys are coming up the sidewalk, and then they slow down, point to the dog - as usual - and cross the highway to avoid him EVEN THOUGH I'M WAVING THEM TO COME ON AND CONTINUE FORWARD. I've done everything with the leash and my moves to make it obvious that I have control of this HORRIBLE MONSTER, but still they walk away. I must be a ghost. Then from farther away, one guy is saying, "I was PLANNING on going THIS way," pointing up my street. So I had to yell back, "You still can!" And so on and so forth!!! And he's yelling about what kind of dog is that? A Chiquita?! Oh yeah those are smart dogs, right?...

I've had thyroiditis the last month. It's almost gone, but yelling or even momentary talking makes it become permanently PAINFUL. Plus my head is full of brain-fog and fatigue. These stupidly frightened people are causing me more physical harm than anything that has ever come from my dog. Talk about discrimination based on appearances. And my poor dog went inside feeling really DOWN. SAD. HE FUCKING FEELS LIKE HE'S A FUCKING FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER. What is is he supposed to learn - to PLAY THE PART?! What am I supposed to do, AVOID THE LOCAL DOGS THE SAME WAY? This is insane.

This morning, the front lawn was being mowed by nether guy's uncle. Then the uncle went in and they started yelling and cursing at each other. I don't know why. Maybe it was because each was telling the other to go knock on my door, and get me to clean up the dog crap on my side - which wasn't a lot. Maybe each was to AFRAID to try that - no matter how ridiculously nice and non-trouble-making I have been. MY POOR DOG. We can't even make much noise inside without them blasting their stereo or banging on walls etc. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Anyway, I did clean away the crap, and the uncle was already leaving with his mower. Very soon after that, two white guys from the rental agency do the job and are gone in a jiffy. None of this makes any sense. ON the back of one of the white guy's T-shirt: "SECURITY". Oh really.

Sooooooooo disabled today, as in past days... Not able to get anything done. Again. (Partly due to the crap-cleaning). Why is this happening to me? and on top of this I have to deal with retard agents trying to shut down my pathetic computer? ARGH!!!!!!!!!! I look at my pillow and I see my future.
Tags: animals - dogs - my dogs, fear, frankenstein studies, frustration / futility, local customs, my dogs - (& see animals - d...), rants
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