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* - galaxy

planet of the apes - UPDATED WITH FAB LYRICS

Posted on 2005.02.03 at 13:45
Humeur actuelle: determineddetermined
Musique actuelle: All Depeche Mode
There is this 30-something guy who comes in here and he's always got a black hood up - he sits at the computer all afternoon, going out periodically to smoke. He doesn't bother anybody. He's all alone. I THINK I've only heard him talk once, and he has this tiny quiet voice. Like he's someone who's been jaded, and he just wants to be alone - with his computa. He's started looking over at me once or twice. Esp. when I mentioned Irish Creme at B&N. Maybe he is the true SCOTTY DREAD!!!!

The little black girl, Tamika. Apparently she has an alternate identity: Master of The Universe - because she seems to be everywhere. She seemed to be at Aldi's last week. Last night I thought I saw her walking to Rockford College while I was driving out, and she seemed to recognise me. Imagine - if this girl - who was possibly from my neighborhood - is walking to college from her job at the A library to the C library, to study her Neurology, etc. What a strong girl. I thought I've seen her reading here, too, but she never looked up at me - - - either it wasn't her, or she is so determined and shy that she just doesn't want to take risks with people if she doesn't have to. She wants to look strong. She is proud. Through adversity.

So, these two people remind me of me.

Speaking of whom...

I've never written about what I've been through. But it's really a facinating story. I think Doug Scott is the only person in Rockford who knows about it, and only superficially at that.

Well, the hardship I've been through explains a lot of what I do - how I act - what I write. And how I am constantly misunderstood. So easilly villified.

Whatever.

Next item: It bothers me how controlling most people feel they have to be. This is such an adolescent, narcissistic habit, derived from sibling rivalry, reinforced by adolescent parents. And certainly, perfected in the schoolyard, where children who are still somewhat animal petrify their rules of meanness and survival into future institutions.

Not all people. Not all children. Not all animals.

I leave yesterday morning. She tells me to have some of the garlic bread. I say it's one of my favorite things in the world, but I'll wait 'til the end of the day. 10 minutes later, she asks if I had the garlic bread. I tell her I already said I'll have it at the end of the day. In revenge for "Not caring about her" she feeds garlic bread to the dog, which she knows she shouldn't do. And she must come into the kitchen when I'm still trying to gain my energy, and when my nerves are still delicate, because she needs to cause problems, and she needs arguments, and she needs to control. I ask if she'd like to go to Aldi's, because that would save me a trip, she says yes. We leave, and she starts arguing about, "Why are we going to Aldi's?", and then, "Why do we have to go THIS way."

Because I'm the driver - not you!

And so many people in Rockford, and relatives, they all are on the same band wagon. "Get my way!" "Get out of my way!" "I'll beat you to the stoplight!" "I own this cafe! Because these are MY friends!" "Say what I want to hear - or I won't listen to you!"

It's amazing. People could really advance morally and spiritually and economically if they would just grow up. This country is destined to learn the hard way.

Ever seen a civilisation after it's decline? There is no agreement. The trains don't run on time. Everybody's out for their own gain, and ruining it for everyone else, including themselves. The only salvation when the money runs out, (i.e., the dollar crashes), is fascism and/or militant imperialism - which is a short-term solution.

People really bother me. And I keep loving them and they keep bothering me.

Well - it's a sweet day, and I'm feeling and thinking SPRING despite everything.




HEAVEN KNOWS I'M MISERABLE NOW
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
but heaven knows I'm miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
and heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life
why do I give valuable time
to people who don't care if I live or die

Two lovers entwined pass me by
and heaven knows I'm miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
and heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life
why do I give valuable time
to people who don't care if I live or die

What she asked of me at the end of the day
Caligula would have blushed
"You've been the house too long" she said
and I naturally fled

In my life
why do I smile
at people who I'd much rather kick in the eye

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
but heaven knows I'm miserable now
"You've been the house too long" she said
and I naturally fled

In my life
why do I give valuable time
to people who don't care if I live or die




PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET WHAT I WANT
Good times for a change
see, the luck I've had
can make a good man
turn bad

So please please please
let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want
this time

Haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad

So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time

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