About a week ago, I was eating my multi-grain porridge, and before I dug in with my spoon, I looked down. I was amazed! There, in the porridge, right before my eyes, was a pattern, of, of, of - absolutely NOTHING! Or, I should say, there was NO pattern in mah oatmeal! Do you have any idea what this MEANT?! Well, I was all ready to write to Reader's Digest, but I decided to be cautious.
So, the next day, I cooked my porridge, poured it into a bowl, and sat there and stared at it. Once again - NO PATTERN! All it was as a bowl of porridge - no Madonna, or Jesus crying, or God's hand holding a tazer or ANYTHING! I thought to myself, "This is a SIGN! This is a sign that there is NO GOD!
I repeated the experiment every day for a week. Over an over again, I kept getting the same sign! No GOD! No Devil! No Apocalypse! No people getting tickets for a spaceship to Planet Panera Bread. After that, I started noticing the same phenomenon in MANY places...
I was watching Faux News and there was a story about Gingrich and the Pope, and suddenly, my reception went bad. There were little pixel squares all over the place. Faces and bodies, all dismembered. People in two places at the same time. And, then, the screen went completely blank. NO GOD!
So, I turned off my TV digital decoder, and switched the TV straight to analogue. Nothing but static. I peered at the static, wondering if a Poltergeist would eat me, or if I might witness a secret commercial from Goldman-Sachs. Nothing! No GOD! Only static. Static static static! Then a distant covert TV signal faded in and then out, with pictures of OCCCUPYers eating sandwiches with lots of mustard, but still - NO SIGN OF GOD! I sat there waiting, waiting for God-oh, but no - nary hide nor hair. God was not there.
So I roamed the Earth, and gave away all my possessions. I continued my painful expedition to find more SIGNS of no GOD. I looked down manholes. I stared at brick walls. I studied urban roadkill. It made me mad. So I made a poster and stood in the middle of Wall Street, shouting, "The End isn't NEAR!" and, "God will not punish you!". I was arrested by people who didn't believe these things. Then I ended up in a homeless shelter, where everyone else was wearing a Jesus-face mask. "See," they said, "It's a SIGN!"
"Not fair!" I said! "That's inductive reasoning! You're just DOING that!" They beat me up and I ended up on Faux News because the homeless Jesus' freaks had carved a picture of Ronald Reagan into my forehead. "Ronald Wilson Reagan". (I had told the Jesus-heads that it would much be easier just to carve, "666," but they told me I was the most untrustworthy person on Earth). Anyway, back on Faux News, I became a sensation with the far-right, and eventually got paid millions of dollar for having my own half hour TV show where I complained about squeaky doors and airline food. And I thought to myself, "War is Peace."
Speaking of chaotic pixels... Last night, I sat down and started watching this crappy movie, between waves of chaotic pixels, which made the experience even more aggravating. It was that one guy, and that other guy from "Napoleon Dynamite," and they were skating around, with long 70's hair. At first I thought it would be good. I thought they were lampooning the 1970's, but then they were talking about the Blackeye Peas. What's worse, all the jokes and gags were about crotches. I recalled that I had once heard Nick DiGilio review this movie, thinking to myself, "God, I hope I never see THAT movie!" Really, it was the worst movie ever. And it was then that I fully realised: I had died and gone to Hell. Thus, "proving a negative".
"The Pain Show" - http://ttbook.org/book/pain-1 ... Garrison Keillor's snowman head fell off again yesterday, and he chanted out dissociated right-brain zeny illuminations. He also sang a song. These told my intuition that he has actually been listening to Morrissey lately. I want to test this bizarre hunch and actually write to Keillor and ask him.
If you don't know who Morrissey is: MORRISSEY IS GOD, bitch... I'll CUT you!!!!
How can we sing a song of joy in a strange land... of Australia...
Most people think,
Great God will come from the skies,
Take away everything
And make everybody feel high.
But if you know what life is worth,
You will look for yours on earth
How long shall they kill our prophets
While we stand aside and look
Some say it's just a part of it
We've got to fulfill the book
my dog likes this song, apparently: http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/bob-marley-lyrics/iron,-lion,-zion-lyrics.html