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beatles

entropy cuts both ways

Posted on 2013.05.11 at 21:40
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First of all, it becomes more and more apparent to me that this girl downstairs is really sinister. She has no moral conscience. Really. I remember, once upon a time, talking to a relative, who was talking about her asthma, and how it was completely a physical illness - genetic or whatever - plus there are triggers like allergens - its not all THE HEAD!

When I said that I felt it was a multifactoral thing - where there are three main things in play: the physical, the triggers, and the emotional or psychological. She could not accept that, and blamed me for saying that it was "ALL IN HER HEAD" - which - hey - wasn't what I said at all - but yo, look at her getting all emotional about it, huh? And you never see the lies that you believe.

Well, I don't know how deep N-Girl's pathology has gone, but I feel the same way about it. It's all a bundled, package deal. It is impossible to say when she is faking illness in order to BS her bf and spread gossip in the neighbourhood - or when she suddenly gets these moaning incidents when she hears creaks on the floorboards upstairs, and somehow this is turned into me being some extreme deliberate danger to her. At what point do some chronically ill people on welfare keep a front going in order to stay on welfare? And all that.

I know that I am severely impossibly ill, far beyond what most assume. I think perhaps the threshold for her is a little dif, cuz you say you have a genetic illness and everyone is all sympathetic, as opposed to when you just, "feel sick and tired of being sick and tired..." Then everyone goes, "OMG, I feel like that everyday at work at 3:pm when the boss..."

I also had a chronically ill gf, w/ an autoimmune disease. It was impossible to tell what was crazy psychological controllaholism, and what was actual illness, and what was emotional abuse during her childhood, and what was her so-said ability to be psychic. It's all mixed together, inseparable by mere humans. What is consciousness after all, but some kind of germ tumbling through infinity? And what is evolution but one grand never-ending accident?

Stress causes illness, illness invites stress, negative thinking, brain chemistry probs, bacterial opportunists. You can't just dream your way up by the bootstraps, out of illness, as promised in Bible stories - although stats allow one or two or peeps to do so. Its just like seeing someone win $500 million in a lottery, and everybody saying to themselves, "I CAN DO THAT TOO - LOOK HOW EASY!" (Well, this is an important concept for later, so remember it, silver plate). While there are limits to stats, there also overwhelming rules of stats too.

And, even though the universe may be origami, allowing meaning to be folded into meaning - there's GOT to be more pain and struggle and un-fitting and ENTROPY, or existence itself can't happen. (Please see my tags on this one).

How much does welfare invite illness? Not a lot, but a rut can contribute to enabling it in some ways. People don't get ill in order to get welfare. Rather, when there is socially sanctioned welfare, everyone feels more safe ad relaxed and healthy and ready to go out and take the bull by the shit. Illness can create helplessness, helplessness can create illness - and the need to control. Real societal self-control can help thwart illness.

But what I can say is that the problems of N-Girl, however they arise, seem so entrenched that, whether by need or by greed, or by confusion or by delusion, she carries on her game as if her very EXISTENCE depended on it. To not win at the game would be to be abandoned to overwhelming disease. I also know that you shouldn't eat greasy crumby potato chips at the keyboard esp. in bed. OK - Kettle Brand rocks btw...

Yeah, so I don't really have more to say other than it is astonishing how extreme she is in what appears to be a compulsive psychopathology, feeling no empathy, and a paranoid schizophrenia, unable to be argued with because the lies in her head are always completely true and urgent. And who's to say she is not some psychic functionary for the Devil? Sent here to test me - to teach me? Well, I feel I've learnt what I was meant to learn here, and now I must be moving on. To a finer place where trees bark and where dogs shed their leaves.

Well, back to these puzzles... So, then you have the whole political or sociological analyses... After the hippies taught everyone to be free and loving even to sexual predators and concomitant Republicons, and this was then seal with the kis of death by pre-Randian YUPPIES, demanding that selfishness be a virtue in its own right, well, we elevated a bunch of competitive cut-throats into the tops of our control pyramids - psychopathic bosses and CEOs and banksters, etc. The more cut-throat and greedy, the better. The less empathy, the better.

And women went from standing by their man to being partners in crime, to demanding that N-Guy stand by N-Girl, and support all her lies and passive aggressions which have bee literally killing the poor guy upstairs - because she believes her very survival is at stake! I mean - woe - look at this picture. I mean wheooooo... Hello! Hel-LO-Ooooooooooo!

So, what we have here, now, is a facebook phenomenon of all these drama queens backstabbing each other, as foretold by ghoulnextdoor, lying, misrepresenting, laying traps, blaming the victim, KEEPING UP A PRIM AND PROPULAR SOCIAL FACE, and so forth - all a mass-scale xample of what is going on in the chronically insane N-Girl, poor thing, of course, although she is THE extreme example. She is the Hitler of our Incontinence, I'm telling you. (Hitler was "GAY", btw, as I predicted, but more on that later).

So, right, all these bitch-women really think they are doing god's work, because they STRUGGLE SO DESPERATELY TO PROP UP THE FAILING DREAMS OF THE PAST, when in fact our dying STATUS-QUO PONZI PYRAMID is crumbling right below all of our feet like a nice big bag of Kettle Brand Sweet Onion Potato Chips, am I wrong? No, but THEY are - what am I?!

Getting ahead by stepping on heads:

So, look at it. All our women are in some addictive, social, maddening dance of anti-humaness, just to keep the STATUS QUO, and their families, all propped up, in APPEARANCE - and their hubbies pretty much follow along with big-screen TVs instead off foreheads, and they consent to death on Wall Street and death in Afghanistan and death of the environment and death to the poor and death to N-Girl and death to madman. Death especially to those they cannot control.

Because, to them, it feels like their whole existence depends on them being tacitly complicit executioners, in blithe denial, and in relentless passive aggression...

Today, my day was good except that I pushed it, by doing bank stuff online, and so it became a bad day. Esp. since the N-Aggression has been building, but I need not go into how things are building to the same culmination as in this winter, where N-Guy ended up in jail, and I met Satan himself when my broken heater decided to scare everyone by never turning off.

Well, today, I was boiling 5 black tea bags, starting off my lawn paste, which doubles as an anti-cockroach mix. I ALSO boiled tea-for-me, so simultaneously, in our very very very fine house.. And I went off and drank the tea for me. But, oh, an hour or two later, I open a door, and, Katie call the Fire Department, cuz it was bad.

Not smoke so much as toxic fumes! And the whole top of the stove was too hot to touch. But my brain was already doing these really weird things where intense brain fatigue was co-existing with mild dementia and/or migraine, and I was good for nothing in the first place, never mind the fact that I was probably succumbing to carbon monoxide poisoning.

The point being this: This happened before, when tensions rose, and I think back then, N-Girl feared I was retaliating in a passive-aggressive way that suggested, keep it up bitch, I'll burn your ass. So, it happens again. Just what I need. Ugh... Divine Intervention? Yes. For God is Great, and works in mysterious overalls. That is all. Live feed has been broken. Careful when exiting. Shop at Kohls.

"That guy upstairs. He's so passive aggressive! He wants to kill us! He's playing like his whole existence depends on it!"

Irony is an intrinsic property of nature.

Shanti

- Lee Clad.

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